chloe1408 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 i've posted before but basically, i just want to know if its wrong that i have hope. i dont mean hope as in the sense that i'll sit around moping till he comes back, i mean going out with friends, going to uni etc but in the back of my mind, still hoping. my ex left me after a year and a half out of the blue for a 16 yr old girl (he's 21) who lives a half away drie away (i live round the corner). We were fine, he kept saying ho wmuch he wanted to be with me and things were generally great. We spent all our time together and pretty much lived together. Anyway 5 and a half weeks ago he leaves me for her and i've barely spoke to him since. He logged onto a fake profile taht he has (dont ask me why he has it) so hje could view my facebook profile and start sarcastically commenting on all my statuses. One friend called me gorgeous (he's gay) and my ex started abusing him. He sent me a message calling me a slag (even tho i havent been with anyone since him) & saying i cheated (even tho i never ever did). I've recently messaged him saying that this relationship was clearly important to both of us, that i'm not trying to get in the way of him and his new girlfriend, but i just want to be friends, or failing that, just clear the air. He hasnt replied as of yet, but our relationship felt so intense that it seems so strange for it to end like this. And whats worse is this girl has invited him on holiday with her family and theyre both saying i love yous. I know he never cheated because we spent all our time together altho i know they were talking for a few days before we split up. Should i have hope? Honest answers. Obviously i would love to hear that he is coming back, but part of me is prepared that he is not. Thanks so much.
blackbear_703 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 (edited) Hmmm....he is dating an underage girl (not sure what country you are from, but it is very much illegal here in the US), making paranoid accusations, keeps calling you names, berating you on your Facebook site, disrespecting your friends, undermining and outright trashing your dignity. This isn't friendship or romance; this is abuse plain and simple. I know you want to be friends with him, but you can do much better than this guy Chloe. Any person who claims to love you or wants to be your friend would NOT call you a slag, disrespect you in front of your friends, or insult you in this way. Clearly he is getting some kind of sick ego trip out of dehumanizing you. Maybe to make up for his own inadequacies??? Don't let yourself be treated this way anymore. Don't give him anymore of this twisted gratification. Please do yourself a huge favor and move on from this guy. He sounds warped and quite possibly dangerous. Edited January 20, 2010 by blackbear_703 wrong word
Author chloe1408 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 i know that much is true, i know he is abusing me, but i dont see why he is doing it, he told me to get out of his life and to never contact him & then he does this. is it because he's jealous taht i'm moving on? help.
blackbear_703 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Quite possibly. That and it gives him a good ego stroke to know you are holding on while he is attacking your pride and self-respect. However, only he knows exactly why he's treating you this way. You can spend your whole life guessing why and never know why. The best thing you can do is to stop wondering why, heal your heart, and find that one person who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Just remember that love is supposed to be something that makes us happy and secure and those who claim to love us would never, ever put us through the torment he's putting you through.
Beeotch Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 i've posted before but basically, i just want to know if its wrong that i have hope. i dont mean hope as in the sense that i'll sit around moping till he comes back, i mean going out with friends, going to uni etc but in the back of my mind, still hoping. my ex left me after a year and a half out of the blue for a 16 yr old girl (he's 21) who lives a half away drie away (i live round the corner). We were fine, he kept saying ho wmuch he wanted to be with me and things were generally great. We spent all our time together and pretty much lived together. Anyway 5 and a half weeks ago he leaves me for her and i've barely spoke to him since. He logged onto a fake profile taht he has (dont ask me why he has it) so hje could view my facebook profile and start sarcastically commenting on all my statuses. One friend called me gorgeous (he's gay) and my ex started abusing him. He sent me a message calling me a slag (even tho i havent been with anyone since him) & saying i cheated (even tho i never ever did). I've recently messaged him saying that this relationship was clearly important to both of us, that i'm not trying to get in the way of him and his new girlfriend, but i just want to be friends, or failing that, just clear the air. He hasnt replied as of yet, but our relationship felt so intense that it seems so strange for it to end like this. And whats worse is this girl has invited him on holiday with her family and theyre both saying i love yous. I know he never cheated because we spent all our time together altho i know they were talking for a few days before we split up. Should i have hope? Honest answers. Obviously i would love to hear that he is coming back, but part of me is prepared that he is not. Thanks so much. The question you should ask is: do you really want a man dating an under-aged child?????? A man who is CLEARLY immature, who disrespected you and called you out of your name? You should really ask yourself if this is what your life has come to? Where your ultimate wish is to be with someone like that. I am not being condescending....but we ALL go through times of delusion and stupidity. Soo you may want to think about that. Hope is not a bad thing or makes you insane....esp if you continue living your life and not chasing this person, like all the other emotions and feelings, if it is not meant to be overtime it goes away too. But to me, in your scenario, that should be the LEAST of your concerns.
Author chloe1408 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 i know what he's doing is wrong but the girls age is irrelevant to me, the fact is that he left our relationship for someone else and i just want to know whether she is a rebound and whether it is likely to last? thanks x
sunrae Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Chloe, Let him go! Keep moving forward... Only time will tell if this is a rebound relationship or not... I understand youre hurt and upset, but for your sake you need to let him go..... If you dont, in 3 months you are still going to be stuck in the same place....
blackbear_703 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 i know what he's doing is wrong but the girls age is irrelevant to me, the fact is that he left our relationship for someone else and i just want to know whether she is a rebound and whether it is likely to last? thanks x The fact that he's committing a crime that could get him some serious jail time aside, if he can't show you respect or cherish you, he can't do the same for her either...or anyone else. He seems to be an extremely selfish, immature person who is incapable of providing a loving relationship. So the answer to that question is, at least IMO, it most likely won't last. Right now focus on yourself, healing yourself, and let go of this guy. Believe me if you don't let go, it will get worse sooner rather than later...esp. if/when this whole thing with the teenage girl blows up. You don't want to be hurt anymore than you already have been.
Author chloe1408 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 thanks guys the thing im struggling with (even tho we're over) is where have his feelings gone it just seems like this girl has swanned in and all of a sudden his feeligns for me have transformed into feelings for her. if only it was as easy for me! lol
Vampire Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Ok, if this story is from the UK, 16 is not under-age. It's the legal age of consent. In America I think it's 18, right? Of course, there is a moral argument to be made about a 21 year old going with a 16 year old; if I were her father, I'd introduce him to my friends Mr Smith and Mr Wesson. Chloe, this guy sounds like a prick and mentally on par with the 16 year old. It's only natural to have secret hope, but if he does come back, it's probably going to be for a quick bunk up. His childish and immature behaviour on Facebook speaks volumes. If anything, consider it a lucky escape. You can do a lot better than this.
Author chloe1408 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 yeah youre right vampire, but unfortunatly i cant help the way i feel i wish i didnt want him to come back. and who knows how il react if he ever did come back. i guess i'm just trying to work out how realistic a prospect it is x
Vampire Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Hey Chloe, I know it's really hard. My ex treated me like a mug but I'd still take her back, and it's been 3 month's since we last had any contact. I guess this is the time where we have to work on our self-esteem and belief. It's like being hooked on a drug; you know it's bad for you, but you have to go cold turkey to kick it....not that I've ever been on drugs!
Author chloe1408 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 i just got a message from him saying " i love you" im pretty certain someone has hacked his account so i just sent a reply saying "this clearly isnt xxxx, i suggest you stop wasting your time and find someone else to messabout with, thanks"
blackbear_703 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Ok, if this story is from the UK, 16 is not under-age. It's the legal age of consent. In America I think it's 18, right? Of course, there is a moral argument to be made about a 21 year old going with a 16 year old; if I were her father, I'd introduce him to my friends Mr Smith and Mr Wesson. Chloe, this guy sounds like a prick and mentally on par with the 16 year old. It's only natural to have secret hope, but if he does come back, it's probably going to be for a quick bunk up. His childish and immature behaviour on Facebook speaks volumes. If anything, consider it a lucky escape. You can do a lot better than this. Yep, the age of consent is 18 years old in the US, 21 for drinking and gambling. As for this guy, you have to wonder where he will be in another five years from now if he doesn't change his ways? Maybe still chasing after 16 year old girls and mistreating those he claims to love?? You most certainly can do better than him Chloe. Just hold your head high and you will! Also remember it's his loss, not yours. You gave him your all and now it's time to move on to someone more deserving of your love and companionship.
blackbear_703 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Hey Chloe, I know it's really hard. My ex treated me like a mug but I'd still take her back, and it's been 3 month's since we last had any contact. I guess this is the time where we have to work on our self-esteem and belief. It's like being hooked on a drug; you know it's bad for you, but you have to go cold turkey to kick it....not that I've ever been on drugs! You're absolutely right about that. My ex has given me the same treatment and it is painful. However, I've been getting back in touch with old friends and family members and getting back to doing arts and crafts....something I haven't done since before we got together several years ago. Both have done wonders for my spirit and self-esteem! And moving on from a break-up is a lot like getting off drugs. You have to go cold turkey and let it dissipate from your system until you don't feel the pain anymore. Focusing on yourself keeps your mind off much of the pain. Of course I've never been on drugs either, so I wouldn't know about that and don't want to know!
sunrae Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 yeah youre right vampire, but unfortunatly i cant help the way i feel i wish i didnt want him to come back. and who knows how il react if he ever did come back. i guess i'm just trying to work out how realistic a prospect it is x I completely understand the hope of wanting someone to come back... I'm in that same boat with you.... But my concern is and I maybe wrong, but it sounds like to me you are "clinging" to the hope and driving yourself crazy with all the what if's.... You have to let him go like a hot air balloon in order to find some peace for yourself... If and when it is time, he will come back down to you. In the meantime let him go and find some peace and quit driving yourself crazy with all the what if's that we will not know the answer to.
Recommended Posts