indie22 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 So this is basically a continuation from the guy I said I was dating that is Muslim. (thread titled "My Somalian Gentleman"). Once I learned that I couldnt ever meet this dudes parents, I honestly used him as a free ride. I didnt have "bad" intentions its just that I kept stressing to him that I would like something serious one day and wanted to know where his mind was. I ignored his calls/texts for about 4 days because the last time we spent together I was really pissed off at him. He lied and said he would take me out to Benihana (a Japanese restaurant). Instead when he picked me up he asked me where a bakery was (and I was clueless). I told him no, and told him where a grocery store was instead. We when to get some d*mned cake and I was pissed off, and I made it obvious. I didnt even want any when offered. I asked him to take me to get a meal from the nearest fastfood place because he was in a rush and had to go. We only spent 2 hrs together...I mean I was really MAD; I was dressed up and everything. I admit, it did hurt my feelings. The reason is because I wanted to be treated special because hardly any guys at school do things for me. And when I do try to get with them they ignore me or at scared or something....so I dont bother. We talked in his car and he even had the audacity to bring up his "ex" and all that stuff (guys in college are never really avaliable). He also tried to be intimiate with me, in his car a lot and I never even kissed him or anything that night. He just kissed me on my neck and cheek, and I felt its unsincerity. He was just able to catch me tonight. So I decided to call back, he said that he didnt want me as relationship wise but as a friend. WHAT? Lol, what is funny is that less than a week ago he was telling me that he wanted something serious, how he would treat me special and never do this and that to me. I didnt believe him, but I think he just dropped me because I didnt want sex. Also when he finally contacted me he was over his "homegirl's" house. WTF just happened?
Author indie22 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 :mad:Oh yea, he also texted me asking if we could still be cool. I just told him to lose my #, but he kept txting me. Then he asked me if I was pissed, I just said I didnt want my time wasted...finally he said so we are still cool? I just told him not to be afraid to lose my # and that I wont be hurt if he did. He didnt text back. I think he just want me in his space while he is with...whoever he is with. NO!
Bejita463 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 You aren't the one who has my sympathies here. Not the way the story was described anyway.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Based on the cake episode, it sounded to me that by that point, he was finished trying to impress you because he already had someone new that he'd rather impress. After offering you cake, he wanted to see how much further he could push you and if he could get sex out of you. That's ALL he wanted at that point, period. No, he didn't stop wanting you for a relationship because you didn't want sex. He had already chosen out before you said no. So I'm glad you told him "no."
Bejita463 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Maybe there was a reason he chose something simpler than the originally suggested restaurant that she doesn't know because she didn't ask.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Maybe there was a reason he chose something simpler than the originally suggested restaurant that she doesn't know because she didn't ask. Maybe this was the reason: I wanted to be treated special because hardly any guys at school do things for me. :laugh: But that aside, let me ask, Bejita - no...she didn't ask him the reason "Why cake, not dinner like you promised," BUT...why are women the ones that get grief for thinking men should read their minds? She should KNOW there was a bigger reason besides him just losing interest? He needs to work on his communication if there's a legit reason for choosing cake. I can't imagine the guy I'm dating doing that and not explaining it. I can give a VERY good example: We were scheduled to have dinner at his house one particular night - he was going to MAKE me dinner. Well, he had one hell of a crazy day and asked if we could go out to dinner, instead. It was not a fancy restaurant - one we had been to before (casual, but not "fast food"). If he had just taken me there without explaining, I would have been mildly insulted, to say the least. But instead of playing guessing games with me, he instead chose to just TELL ME what was going on and why he made a diff choice. I was perfectly okay with the change. But I didn't have to play 20 questions or read his mind, either.
Bejita463 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Maybe this was the reason: That line was actually WHY I decided to play Devil's Advocate. He isn't other guys, and might not have known she had a desire for something 'special' this specific event. Beyond that, my first thought was to wonder what she had done, or planned to do that was special for him. Yes, him. You know, the "free ride"? But that aside, let me ask, Bejita - no...she didn't ask him the reason "Why cake, not dinner like you promised," BUT...why are women the ones that get grief for thinking men should read their minds? It wasn't mind reading that I was suggesting. It was communication. His communicating poorly is no excuse for the kind of behavior described. I would not have wanted to continue dating someone who threw passive aggressiveness in my face like that either. It could be as simple and petty as communication being a little off between us, and I didn't mean I planned to take the lady to <insert location> THIS week. Then I get that attitude, and no chance to explain because I've no idea what her problem is. She should KNOW there was a bigger reason besides him just losing interest? He needs to work on his communication if there's a legit reason for choosing cake. He should have explained, provided it is certain the restaurant was supposed to be for that specific date, yes. In absence of that, would it not make sense to ask, rather than be hostile?
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 His communicating poorly is no excuse for the kind of behavior described. Granted. And I'll agree with you on that point as long as: A) This was an undefined promise to go to Benihana (ie, "someday I will" vs "THIS date, I will") OR B) She DIDN'T try to ask at all what his deal was before freaking out.
Bejita463 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Granted. And I'll agree with you on that point as long as: A) This was an undefined promise to go to Benihana (ie, "someday I will" vs "THIS date, I will") OR B) She DIDN'T try to ask at all what his deal was before freaking out. Hehe. Maybe it was just a duel. She wanted a free ride, and he wanted a cheap ride. Giggity giggity goo!
Recommended Posts