lipgloss2009 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 My eight month relationship came to an abrupt end shortly after new year. I am his longest relationship, as all the others ended at three months or less. We both admit that we were great for one another - Highly compatible in intelligence, humor and consideration for each other. We had a seven year age difference but we really felt no gap. He is 34, and I am 27. It was a casual, affable yet intimate relationship. We grew to become best friends. We were very comfortable around each other and it didn't hurt that the sex was amazing. I met his family several times, and they all love me, especially his sister (who insist she and i still hang out). Everyone around thought we meshed very well. I was never demanding of his time and he of mine. The relationship was effortless. We never fought, and when there was tension, we sat and talked it out. I'm too old to being playing games, and the day we broke up, I professed my love for him. I knew I loved him because for me, everything I did seemed effortless. His little nuances were endearing. It was the moment that I said, "I love you" that he realized that he didn't feel the same. He said we did everything that makes a relationship work great - communication, physical attraction, consideration, respect - but the romantic sparks that he had hoped for weren't there. He asked me how we would know if it would work out in the end. He said he had been questioning for about two weeks before I said anything. We both decided it was best to end it, rather than continue it. He e-mailed me to say "I love you, you are one of my best friends. I'm sorry to cause you heartache." We both don't have much negative things to say about one another, which made the departure even sadder. And I do respect him for his sincere declaration. Two weeks later, here I am still wondering. Where/when/how did the sparks go away? The way I see it, sparks fluctuate during a relationship, but the values of companionship and respect for one another stay constant if it's a relationship worth fighting for; which I find just as equally important. I'm not sad anymore or angry. I've accepted and focusing on my own life but it's still hard to swallow.
WTRanger Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 It's hard because we are accustomed to thinking that break ups involve cheating, major screaming fights, violence, dishonesty, lies, name calling, cut downs, throwing things, cops, well you get the point. When a relationship just ends, there isn't anything for us to hang our hats on. There's not the, oh he slept with my sister sort of deal. It's just over. Our brains can adapt very quickly and very well to situations where there are no alternatives, but when there is one or more options our brain just runs wild. This may be why it's so hard. Your mind sees options, it doesn't see that him just falling out of love with you as a valid option. It wants to know more. Unfortunately, you may never know why and that's something you will have to work really hard on accepting. Remember too, that you must love yourself. Just because he may not have had sparks for you that you are unlovable. You are lovable and you will find someone that can fully give back the feelings you give them. And by the way. If this guy is 34 years old and his longest relationship was 8 months then he has some SERIOUS commitment issues.
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