Clep Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 My bf and I are very independent from each other. We live together but I do not know everywhere he goes and he does not know with me either. We have separate friends and separate lives outside of the relationship. We are also on each other's fb pages and do have each other listed as in a relationship with each other. My bf has many friends that I have not met as he has hundreds of friends, (actually acquaintances) but when we happen to bump into them he introduces me, they chat for a min and we go on with the night. If my bf did not want me to be on his fb and did not want me to meet some of his friends it would be a clear sign for me that I am a scooter, that he has someone else, or he keeps his options open when with the friends for the next best thing. This would be a deal breaker for me. I don't think I would want to be in a relationship where I felt uncomfortable in this area.
meerkat stew Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Disagreeing with everyone else here it seems. You have only been a "couple" for less than a month. Give things some time. People caution not to listen to what comes out of someone's mouth, but to watch their actions. This is true for both women and men. Your BF's declaration could be motivated purely by an attempt to maintain some freedom during the process of becoming a couple, or he could have shady intent as other posters feel. Treating him suspiciously or demanding complete disclosure of every detail of his private life three weeks into the agreement to date exclusively (regardless of how long you have been casually dating, regardless of how long you have known each other) is a big mistake, and is likely to leave him with a defensive "Oh no, here it comes!" attitude. Please consider watching his -actions- over the next several months where meeting his friends are concerned. If after dating exclusively as a couple for six months or so, he is still spending lots of time with unknown "friends," then is the time for concern, not now. My hunch is that your BF has been involved with high maintenance, jealous, or controlling women in the past who have insisted on being involved in micromanaging every aspect of his life, and is trying to decide boundaries that will keep him sane in relationships going forward. Whether or not that's the case, less than a month of exclusivity is not the time to raise these issues with him.
carhill Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 What is the impetus for this statement, imagining saying it to or hearing it from someone one wishes to be romantically involved with: If we're in a committed, monogamous relationship, including marriage, we don't have to meet ALL of each others friends. I'm trying to imagine actually saying that to a woman I'm building intimacy with. IDK. Those sound like words to believe, to me. I would be more likely to introduce a new and prospective girlfriend to friends as social occasions permitted/were appropriate and say 'nothing'. My interest is in the words. IMO, as long as the balance is positive, continue, but be mindful of my first post if you're looking for a man compatible with and for a committed intimate relationship. IME, and of course it's with women, when they say words like this, it's a sign, and retrospectively, and amazingly accurate sign, of their perspective, regardless of whether I believed it or acted on it accordingly at the time. 20/20 hindsight. Good luck
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