whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I think OMM is other married man, instead of just OM or MM.
confusedinkansas Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I say - Don't tell! (I'm very shocked how many here say that - it's usually the other way around) You wanted to be apart anyway. Has nothing to do with the OMM. Why rock the boat more than it's already rocking? There's no need to tell him. Proceed with the divorce. If your OMM wants to continue seeing you - that's his business (& yours). If he chooses not to tell his wife - Also, his business. Good Luck! (I was once in your shoes - it's not going to be easy - I don't know how long you've been married or if you have kiddos - But being alone, having peace in your life is easier than you think it is) Time is always on our side when it comes to matters such as this.
silktricks Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 You are divorcing him, anyway. It seems like you don't need to be cruel by pouring gasoline on an open wound. Just make it completely clear that there is no possibility of a future together. All the details don't really matter in the long run.
1Angel Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Divorce your husband. Next, dump MM. Then, after time has passed and you recover, find a single man to date.
Passion4Life Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I am a MW in an affair with a MM; I am currently separted from H...he doesn't want to to end the marriage-he doesn;t know about the A, or the OM. If I tell him, he will agree to end the marriage; if I don't, he will continue thinking there is a chance. I have been wanting to end the marriage for a a year or more, and I am ready to move on, but at the same time, I know he is taking the separation hard, and I don't want to hurt him more with the knowledge of the A. Also, if I do tell, what if he wants to tell the MM's spouse? Has anyone experienced that? if u dont want to tell the truth because it will affect ur image thats different thing , but hiding the truth only because it will hurt ur husband ...sounds like trying to be too nice & considerate about ur husband
jwi71 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I say - Don't tell! (I'm very shocked how many here say that - it's usually the other way around) This is the ONLY circumstance I advocate this lie. The OP CLEARLY states there is NO HOPE for reconciliation. That she is 100% done regardless of her MOM. In that case, telling the BS of the A is simply cruel. Its not constructive and simply adds salt to the wound. Of course, STD's would REQUIRE disclosure in ALL cases.
Brokenlady Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 If you are divorcing and not leading him to believe that there is any chance of reconciliation then I don't see why you should tell. If you were staying in the marriage then I would feel differently. If you were leading him to believe that there may be a slight chance I would feel differently. You are divorcing, you will each have your own lives separate and apart from each other, you are not leaving for the other man. I don't see why you should add insult to injury in this case. I wholeheartedly agree.
Hazyhead Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 If there's a chance that in the future he may want to reconcile with you, even if he doesn't share that thought, I think you should tell. It will be easier for him to live with his choice and he will feel more decisive about the divorce. However, if the marriage is dead for you both then there is no point in telling. Walk away with as little pain inflicted as possible.
Meaplus3 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 IMO, Confess to your H and DO not tell MM's wife.. not your place. Let MM figure out his marriage and you do the same. I know it all may sound tough, but there can be a happy ending. Hang in there. Mea:)
Confused4Now Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Divorce your husband. Next, dump MM. Then, after time has passed and you recover, find a single man to date.This is the best ADVICE IMO.....When I left my marriage removed myself from my house 3 months...I disclosed to my W that I was seeing someone and it was hell the WHOLE time. Even though I left my marriage based on what I told her to this day....says I left her for the OW. This discussion has happened so many times on this forum....My divorce had been final for 8 months she still throws it in my face. So in my opinion the only time you want to disclose the other person is when you are trying to reconcile your marriage and you want to make your marriage work. If you had every intention of leaving there is NO reason to tell your W/H. All it does is add more crap you have to deal with.
Confused4Now Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Yes he has the right to know and he deserves to know. He should know and have the right to use that information to help him choose how to deal with your breakup. If you don't tell him it is for selfish reason onlyIf you've already decided in your head that you are done with your marriage how does it matter if the information is going to help him? If you have no intention of going to the OM/OW who cares? You are leaving for your reasons that's all that matters....No reason to add to the pain.
Confused4Now Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Yes it serves a purpose. And that purpose is not to hurt him, but to let him know that he's better off without you, so he doesn't pine for you for months or years. Why does everyone think he doesn't deserve to know what's going on in his own life? It's his life too.Yeah right like that really works....trust me it don't. My ex will still take me back and I've been out of the house for 2 years. I agree what I did was wrong and she deserves better. Bottom line....if your done with your marriage your done. It has nothing to do with the OM/OW period.
herenow Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Tell your husband so that he can make his own life choices based on the truth. If he decides to tell the BW, well that is his choice as well.
lkjh Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 If you've already decided in your head that you are done with your marriage how does it matter if the information is going to help him? If you have no intention of going to the OM/OW who cares? You are leaving for your reasons that's all that matters....No reason to add to the pain. First off it will help her H move on with the divorce. Second just because she says they are done does not me its true. How often do we see people break up for good only to get back together down the road. Last its the right thing to do, if she gets use to lying and cheating now there is no going back. She has a very small window to do whats right
lkjh Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Also, just because you wouldn't want to know doesn't mean the H doesn't
scorpmale009 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 whether you tell it or not, let him be free from you ASAP(start the D proceedings)... but he will search for reasons behind it(D)...it's either you tell him or he is going to find out by himself anyways...as a part of closure or whatever
Confused4Now Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 First off it will help her H move on with the divorce. Second just because she says they are done does not me its true. How often do we see people break up for good only to get back together down the road. Last its the right thing to do, if she gets use to lying and cheating now there is no going back. She has a very small window to do whats rightI was basing my opinion on the marriage being done for the MM/MW....no room for going back or whatever. If they do decide to go back then yes I agree to disclose it but then there is a reason why they are going back right? Which goes back to what I'm saying in my earlier append......Question to you have you been there? I have....I lived it.
Author Davnnic Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 First off I have no STD's-and have not had sex with H for almost a year. Thanks to you all for your perspectives on this obviously volatile issue-the reason I even posted this, is because I did not want to add insult to injury, but I don't want him to believe there is hope for the M-i have stated that many times, but he acts as if he doesn't hear what I am saying.
2sunny Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 First off I have no STD's-and have not had sex with H for almost a year. Thanks to you all for your perspectives on this obviously volatile issue-the reason I even posted this, is because I did not want to add insult to injury, but I don't want him to believe there is hope for the M-i have stated that many times, but he acts as if he doesn't hear what I am saying. he would understand what you are saying when you file for divorce.
pureinheart Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 This is the ONLY circumstance I advocate this lie. The OP CLEARLY states there is NO HOPE for reconciliation. That she is 100% done regardless of her MOM. In that case, telling the BS of the A is simply cruel. Its not constructive and simply adds salt to the wound. Of course, STD's would REQUIRE disclosure in ALL cases. Hey JW.... I agree that telling would be cruel...some things are better left unsaid...
pureinheart Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 First off I have no STD's-and have not had sex with H for almost a year. Thanks to you all for your perspectives on this obviously volatile issue-the reason I even posted this, is because I did not want to add insult to injury, but I don't want him to believe there is hope for the M-i have stated that many times, but he acts as if he doesn't hear what I am saying. "D", I realise that STD's are a fact of life, although it did not need to be brought into this discussion. I apologise for the rudeness and the fact that you had to say anything about that to begin with.
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