i guess they don't work

[drinkdrankpunk112]

i don't really know why i'm posting on here to be honest. apparently it's meant to be therapeutic, somehow.

 

but here goes.

 

so, i had been with my, now ex, boyfriend for just over 2 years, we had our ups, we had our downs, just like any normal couple.

we were so in love, there was nothing we wouldn't do without each other.

we would talk about anything and everything. i felt so comfortable around him.

he was my best friend. he was my everything. he kept me sane.

don't get me wrong, he had a lot of problems.

he never trusted me and always accused me of cheating on him, even though i was with him 24/7.

when we argued the things that came out of his mouth were disgusting.

i saw the good in him though, and i stuck by him through thick and thin.

 

we lived together for around a year and we were trying for a baby.

he had proposed to me before this, but i think marriage is...well silly really. and we're still young. but he was fine with that. he always talked about the future and how i was his.

 

everything was so perfect, i really thought we'd be together till we were old and grey.

 

things went down hill. he moved away to look after his mum, who is seriously ill. it was horrible for both of us. he didn't want to leave me. he moved there once already and we couldn't do it. he stayed for two weeks and came back in tears telling me how much he missed me and couldn't live without me. but we spoke about it and i made him go, it was the right thing to do for his mum. we couldn't be selfish. we knew it wouldn't be forever anyway. i've had a LDR before, and well, i hated it, so i knew this was going to be tough, but i was ready to make things work.

 

i'd have to travel on the train to see him, it takes longer than 4 hours, and i'd stay for a few days. we'd argue so much, more than when we lived together.

there wasn't one time i'd go to see him and we wouldn't have a fight or bicker about something.

 

it got quite hard, but i made sure that when i wasn't there, we'd still talk. i'd try ringing him everyday, but his phone was either off, or he wasn't home, or he was busy with his friends.

 

when i did get hold of him he would hardly talk to me. then i'd get angry or cry or something and he'd just hang up and not talk to me for days.

 

i used to go crazy. all day i would spend wondering when or if he's going to call, not being able to get on with my day. jumping and running to the phone every time it rung. but he would never call.

i'd have to. i'd have to apologize, even though i didn't know what for.

 

then the texts stopped. and he stopped calling me completely. even when i told him i needed to talk to him urgently when i found out i was pregnant.

 

i had to tell him in a text because he just ignored my calls.

when i told him, the first thing he said to me was " well it's probably not even mine. "

i was heartbroken.

he used to always tell me that all he wanted was to have a family with me.

i don't know what had happened to him.

he wasn't the man i fell in love with. he was a monster, and i was pregnant with his child.

how lovely.

 

the days went on and i expected at least a phone call to ask if i was ok. but i got nothing.

i felt so rejected.

i don't know what i had done to make him think that it wasn't his. i never went out with my friends, i never spoke to other men or anything.

i honestly thought i was a good girlfriend. the best i could be. i bought him presents, i ignored the fact he'd go through my phone to check up on me, i never complained about not seeing my friends, i made the effort to see him and travel hours, i didn't moan or nag when he was too 'busy' to talk. i thought i did everything possible to be the best girlfriend i could. but it just didn't seem to matter. he didn't appreciate me, i always knew this, yet i stuck by him. i was there for him whenever he needed me.

 

then, i had a miscarriage.

i was in pieces.

and he didn't seem to care. he asked me if i'd been drinking while pregnant.

 

all i wanted was for him to be there for me, just this one time.

i also had a miscarriage early on in our relationship and was admitted to hospital with other complications, while i was in hospital, my ex boyfriend came to see me unexpectedly and bought me a balloon and a card. he completely lost it and broke up with me.

but this time, there was nothing wrong, so why didn't he care?

i fell apart after this happened, i was put on anti-depressants and i felt so alone, after spending 2 years of my life feeling so loved and cared for.

 

i knew something was going on with him, i just didn't know what.

i turned into one of those crazy girlfriends and for the first time i logged into his face book and snooped through all of his messages.

there was a message from a girl he used to go to school with. she was asking him to call her.

i've never accused him or thought he would ever cheat on me, but with everything going on at the time, i couldn't help but think it.

i confronted him about it and he said they ran into each other at the pub. that's all.

i went onto her profile and saw she was in a relationship. i was relieved for a second. then i saw a comment she posted on her friends page after her friend asked who she was in a relationship with.

i saw my boyfriends name written there in black and white.

my heart sank.

i confronted her and she said that it was ...just a joke.

 

my boyfriend continued to say they were just friends and he didn't know why she would say that.

i foolishly believed him. haha

 

a few days after this i broke up with him. i couldn't take it anymore.

i travelled down to see him with all his things, 3 suitcases full. all his christmas presents i got him and his mum, his sound system and clothes.

 

he said we could spend the weekend together and sounded genuinely upset that things had ended between us.

 

we promised each other a long time ago that if things didn't work out we'd remain friends. probably the hardest thing to do! but i'd rather have him as a friend than not in my life at all.

 

i thought it would be nice to spend a last few days with him and say goodbye properly.

 

he called me when i was an hour away and said i couldn't stay and had to leave after i dropped his things off, as he had to have dinner round his grandparents house. when i got there he opened all his presents and i had a chat with his mum, his friends turned up and he told me he was going for dinner haha and then pretty much shoved me out the door.

i couldn't get home for another 4 hours as it was sunday service for the trains. i was stuck. and i'd just lost the one thing i loved the most.

 

i sat at the bus stop across from his house for half an hour crying my eyes out. he came out of his house and asked me if i was ok, i said i was fine, just freezing and wanted to go home. and he told me he loved me then went back inside.

 

ten minutes later he left the house again with his friends and this girl. he walked straight past me, like he didn't even know me, like i was a nobody.

 

i collected myself and wiped away the tears and awful mascara stains from my cheeks and walked to the station.

half way there i saw him walking with his friends going back home after having been to the shop.

again. i was a nobody to him. nothing.

 

why did he have to lie? i would've given his things back even if he didn't want me to stay.

i got home in the end, after a 7 hour journey.

went on my face book cancelled our relationship, as you do!

he was online. he didn't talk to me.

again i logged into his account, i don't know why haha

i saw he had a relationship request from that girl..

i was furious. how inconsiderate. not even a day had gone by and already he had a new girlfriend and was moving on?!

a few hours later i was getting abuse from her, he'd given her my number and she was calling me and texting me, calling me a slut etc.

i couldn't deal with it. why was this nasty b**ch he chose over me being so horrible? what had i ever done to her?!

 

i got rid of everything. i cut him out of my life. deleted his number, burned photos and deleted pictures on my phone, smashed all the photo frames of us. burned socks i found laying around, removed him from my face book. burnt and broke everything he ever bought me. (apart from this beautiful bracelet, it was so expensive. so i'll sell it when i'm ready to let go of it haha)

 

i shut myself off from everything and everyone.

i lost my job and went back on my anti-depressants after being off of them for a few months.

the days felt so long and i just cried constantly. i lost my appetite and felt that life wasn't worth living.

i couldn't get him off my mind.

 

new years eve came around. i was dreading it. i'd booked a lovely hotel and planned a great night for the both of us. it cost me a fortune, and i couldn't get a refund. GUTTING. all i kept thinking about was him and her. and wondering what he was doing. i kept going from hating him to wanting him to love me and call me just to see if i was okay. i decided on going out hating him. i met some lovely (rebound) guy while i was drunk out of my face. we got chatting and obviously the conversation turned to me talking about my ex. i'm glad i don't remember half the things i said.

i had a one night stand. and i felt good for a while. my self esteem was a lot better. but then i just plummeted back to how i was before.

i called my ex that night, he didn't pick up. thankfully!

 

a few days after he rang me, i hesitated and didn't know what i would say. i was so nervous i felt sick.

for so long i had a speech prepared for if he ever called me. i knew it off by heart.

but my mind went blank i didn't even know how to answer. hello? hi? hey? do i act cool? do i ask if he's alright? i had no idea.

i finally answered. i played it cool. honestly i just wanted to hear his voice again.

we talked for hours.

i fell for all his words. over and over again.

things felt like how they used to be, for a second i felt like nothing had happened. but then reality hit me.

i was so confused. but i was happy he gave something back for once. he put a bit of effort in. it had been so long since i'd been able to talk to him and feel that connection we once had.

i got to ask him all the questions i couldn't before and he told me everything. i fell for it all. every last word.

he told me him and his new girlfriend weren't that serious and they hadn't even slept together. he said he still thinks about me everyday etc.

he said he wanted to see me and talk properly. he said he was going to come down. and went to check his back account. he called me back and said he didn't have enough money and asked if i would go to him.

i said no...but i was fine with him coming to see me.

AGAIN i fell for everything he said. he convinced me to go to him.

i thought about it for hours, i wanted to go, but i felt like such an IDIOT!!

was it a trick? was he not going to meet me and leave me hours away from home?

...i went.

things were so strange when i was there. i felt like we'd just met for the first time. things were exciting and i was nervous.

it ended in us just having unimaginable amounts of sex. there were some cuddles and kisses. we never talked.

i realised that it was perfect how it was. i was the happiest i'd been in a long time and if we had talked it would of just made things ..weird i guess.

 

all i kept saying was "lets just see what happens...ok"

he told me he wanted me back and it isn't the same without me. i always fell for his lies.

 

i was meant to stay 2 nights. but his girlfriend was coming round that night and said that i had to go. haha.

 

he walked me half way to the station, it started snowing and it was beautiful. i wanted the moment to last forever. he looked into my eyes and then held me and told me he loved me more than anything. then i said goodbye and walked off.

i never looked back. but i'll always wonder if he did? ....probably not.

 

i went to the station and i was just back were i started.. alone, feeling like more of a mug than ever.

 

i did leave a nice big love bite on his neck for her to see though, and left my tights in his pc room haha

 

i called him at the station and asked if i could come back because the trains weren't running properly and it would take me 8 hours to get home. he said she was already at his house, she'd come round early and he couldn't get rid of her.

...he never put me first so i don't know why i was shocked when he said no.

 

he obviously got all he wanted. i partially did to.

 

i thought i got my goodbye i wanted. i got my last kiss i wanted. my last cuddle. my last chance to say everything that i wanted to say.

but...i realised..i never wanted to say goodbye in the first place. not for good.

 

we're still "friends" now. on a rare occasion when he's not busy we'll talk.

but he still never calls me.

 

he thinks that it doesn't cut me into pieces anymore when he talks about his girlfriend. he talks about her all the time and he compared me to her and said that she's just like me...

OUCH.

 

 

the problem i'm facing now is i've realised how much he used me and how much he hurt me, all the things he ever did wrong and how much of a selfish heartless b*****d he really is, how much of an idiot he made out of me, all the times he made me cry, never called, never just put me first and made me feel special.

....so why do i still love him?

probably because im an absolute idiot. haha

 

 

i just can't seem to let go of him.

i've accepted that we're never going to be together again.

but i'm holding on to something. i don't know what it is, but i dont know how to let go.

i know it's going to take time, and i hope that one day i can wake up and he won't be the first thing on my mind.

i hope that i find someone that makes me forget about him. and i hope we can still be friends without me having feelings for him.

 

 

[Tony T]

Is there a possibility that you say everything in dozens more sentences than necessary???

 

You will get infinitely more responses if you shorten your post up just a bit. I have my own policy of not reading more than five paragraphs...but others read a few more...

[Tayla]

Is there a possibility that you say everything in dozens more sentences than necessary???

 

You will get infinitely more responses if you shorten your post up just a bit. I have my own policy of not reading more than five paragraphs...but others read a few more...

 

Great suggestion! Readers digest works best here. Condensed and to the point.

[zebracolors]

I would like to say that LDRs can work, there are plenty here who are making them work. But honestly, it seemed to me your relationship kind of had seemed doomed for a while, if as you say while he lived with you, there were trust issues. Thats never a good sign. Then it went into when you had to change the relationship to LD which didn't seem to help the issues at all.

 

I hope that since this post you're feeling a little better. It may be hard to let go for a while, I can't tell you how long though, it will depend on you. And maybe its just me but I couldn't see how you would even consider staying friends with someone who would treat you that way but thats up to you.

 

I would advise that maybe you should not rush back into relationships, of any kind, though. Give yourself some time to recover and focus your mind on other things for a while, whatever those may be.

[Boundary Problem]

He's got intimacy issues. And you can't "love" them out of him, like you are trying to do.

 

He has to want to work on them with someone he trusts.

 

Or it is back to womanizing for him.

 

If I were you - don't try and be friends with him. Not until you can control your emotions. You need to be really balanced, since those with intimacy issues can be all over the map when they finally find a safe place to express their pent-up emotions. And they are pent-up. The emotions come out like a tsunami - in wave after thundering wave.

 

But only with someone they trust. The sharing builds intimacy.

 

I don't know the end of the story, all I can say is that it is a process. And if you find the right fit, then it can work for both sides.

 

In your case, it doesn't sound like he is willing to try, and so you have to move on. Bottom line, is if the person closest to you keeps hurting you and doesn't seem to care that they are hurting you, then you have to take a step back, before you numb yourself to the pain. Each time he left you at the train station and walked by you ignoring you - that caused you pain and you have to face that reality. No matter how much you love him.

[drinkdrankpunk112]

ok, maybe i did write to much.

but it was to only make myself feel better. at the top i said it was meant to be therapeutic. i wasn't expecting any advice or hundreds of replies.

[drinkdrankpunk112]

thank you very much, i needed to hear something like this. i'll be taking your advice

[Dorluv]

I loved reading your story and kept wanting to read more, but maybe because its awefully similar to mine and I WANTED to know how u dealt with it. My partmner lives 2 hrs by train. but like you im experiencing a slow down in contacts. I dont mind long distance relayionship as long as the person is there with you and makes you feel a part of his life but feeling this way like u did is starting to hurt. it went from contacting evryday . morning and night to, once a day with fewer words to now evry other day. IT has been 9 months now and I want to get out because I feel confused. He says he still cares but dont act it.