I feel like Im going crazy any thoughts?

January 19, 2010

My wife and I have been married 10 years. for the most part everything has been great. lately Ive been trying to deal with some feeling I have about my wife. for whattever reason I feel like shes not telling me something or hiding something from me( possible cheating or maybe just blurring the line) now I have no proof whatsoever. although there has been a few "situations" from the past that keep coming back to me and the responses my wife gives me just dont make sense to me. I have brought it up before but she denies everything. and it usually turns into a fight. the situations happened a long time ago and Ive tried to move past them(even imaging the worst) I dont think I would leave my wife if something did happen in the begining, but I cant get past this feeling I have. Im sooooo tired of fighting about this and I really just want to move on but I just cant get passed it. I feel like Im going crazy I dont know what to believe. I dont know if Im just assuming things where I shouldnt or if my gut feeling is right and my wife is hiding something. any thoughts any sugestions about getting past this or even if I should get passed this....help

January 20, 2010

In most cases, I've found my own instincts were correct for my own situation.

However, we don't know much about your situation.

You've been M'd 10 years ... when did your suspicions start? ... what evidence/suspicions did you have at the time? ... any OBVIOUS behaviors (i.e. staying out late, new friends, excessive cell/text/email usage, old "friends" popping up out of the past, excessive drinking, etc.)?

Let us know a little more, and something will ring a bell with someone.

I dont think I would leave my wife if something did happen in the begining,

Regardless of the above, LOSE this attitude. If you go down this path, be prepared to find the worst, and if you do, don't paint yourself into any corners. If the worst is indeed discovereed, as a BH (Betrayed Husband) you will have to be and act STRONG or you're screwed before you begin and you would be better off not knowing.

January 20, 2010

sorry I know my writing is unfocused(at work) well it all starts with a situation that happened when we were first married. I was out of town(work related) for 3 weeks and from what I was told her and her friends were hottubing they met some kid there and I guess my wife liked his car so she asked to drive it so they went and got pizza and came back. I guess when they came back they all got in the hottub and he pulled her on top of him and I dont know how but he penatrated her. so her story was everyone got pissed at him and kicked him out. the only problem is this didnt come up untill about 3-4 years later during a fight. It just dosent seem right to me. Ive also caught her looking up old BF on the net a few times(her reaction to me finding out was very defensive almost as if it were my fault) and last I guess she has ALWAYS come down on me very hard for lying and other things Ive done(no Im not perfect but never croosed that line) and she just never admidts to anything I think I could count on one hand the times she's admitted she was wrong. I dunno I just dont think anybody is perfect we all makes mistakes exept for her I guess. she always accused me of cheating and things like that(which I never have) so Im thinking maybe it is her guilt? I dunno sorry for the rambling...

January 20, 2010

Trust your gut. It never lies and is usually right.

You've been married 10 years, you know your wife and she knows you. You know something's amiss, and you've inquired which ends up with her arguing with you. Your right, something's not right.

Some are gonna disagree with what I'm going to advise you, but all I can tell you is that it worked for me, and has worked for many on this site.

Investigate your wife, her actions, her comings and goings. Some will call it "spying" but I don't look at it that way. Spying is a "fishing expedition". When you have no reason to suspect anything, but you check up anyway. Investigating is different. You have reason to suspect something's amiss, so you utilize investigative techniques to either prove or disprove your suspicions.

Investigative techniques that have proved effective include:

Checking the OP's email if possible
Installing a keylogger on the home computer
Checking the call history and text messages of the OP's cell phone
If the OP has a history of "disappearing", gone for long periods of time for no reason, then record and check mileage on the OP's vehicle, or better yet, have them followed.

Now I know some will greatly protest some or all of these techniques, equating it to a violation of privacy, but I look at it this way. If your W or H was intimately involved with another, would you want to know about it? Do you think your W or H is just going to say, "you're right dear, I am involved in an A with XXX". Most WS's don't just out of the blue admit their affair's. Most only admit AFTER they've been caught, and only with evidence.

Look at it this way, if you investigate and find nothing, then you can have peace of mind knowing nothing is going on, and you can quickly put these feelings to pass.

But, if there is something going on, then you will evidence to confront your W, and hopefully put an end to her A.

Peace and good luck

January 20, 2010

sorry I know my writing is unfocused(at work) well it all starts with a situation that happened when we were first married. I was out of town(work related) for 3 weeks and from what I was told her and her friends were hottubing they met some kid there and I guess my wife liked his car so she asked to drive it so they went and got pizza and came back. I guess when they came back they all got in the hottub and he pulled her on top of him and I dont know how but he penatrated her. so her story was everyone got pissed at him and kicked him out. the only problem is this didnt come up untill about 3-4 years later during a fight. It just dosent seem right to me. Ive also caught her looking up old BF on the net a few times(her reaction to me finding out was very defensive almost as if it were my fault) and last I guess she has ALWAYS come down on me very hard for lying and other things Ive done(no Im not perfect but never croosed that line) and she just never admidts to anything I think I could count on one hand the times she's admitted she was wrong. I dunno I just dont think anybody is perfect we all makes mistakes exept for her I guess. she always accused me of cheating and things like that(which I never have) so Im thinking maybe it is her guilt? I dunno sorry for the rambling...

Wow, the penetration story seems odd. I mean it's not like it can be that easy, it requires certain angle to accomplish something like that. How did she confess about it though? Even hottubbing and sit on top of a guy's lap, I don't know, it seems that it's not appropriate for a married woman?

Regarding looking up for an old b/f, I did that too but I have zero desire to get back together with him. I was just curious whether he actually manages to turn his life around. It's a boredom like what I'm doing right now (slow at work). So I wouldn't put too much thought about her googling some people on the net. The penetration story though seems very fishy.

January 20, 2010

How is this possible?

Penetrating under water can be very difficult.

Was she wearing a bathing suit or shorts?

This really seems like a lie...don't you think?

January 20, 2010

I'm not understanding the pentration story either.

Did this guy pull her on top of him with an invitation? Or did he just do it randomly? What was her reaction? Did she give you any of these details? Did she admit that she actually cheated or that it wasn't her fault?

Looking up an old boyfriend isn't AS big of a deal unless she is trying to contact him and hang out a lot.

I would get more details about her behavior if I were you...

January 20, 2010

Yeah dude. The whole penetration story does not add up to me either. I've done it in the water and it does not just happen like that. Not to be disrespectful toward your wife but she would have had to be practically dripping all over the place for that to happen, like you described it. Not trying to be gross.

Another thing, if my wife just met a guy and liked his car and they both left together to get pizza and I did not know this guy , I'd be like WTF is this Sh**? I don't play that crap at all. No, you respect me. We can fight all we want but you will respect me or I am gone.

On another note; she was bending over and my wahh-wahh accidently fell into her waahhh because I slid on an ice cube. Yeah right.

The looking up old BF's could just be a cuorisity on her part. If she is conversing with them then that is a different story.

I would keep my eyes and ears open as well as my options. Definetly make sure you have the financial resources to leave if need be.

January 20, 2010

yeah I agree with all of you the hot tubbing story does not add up and Im a guy, guys dont let chicks drive thier nice new cars cause thier nice guys they let them drive to get something else. when I confronted her about this originally at first she seemed very sorry cause she knew that I was PISSED. but then her whole attitude changed it went from sorry to the guy forced himself on her and she was the victim. which ok fine some guys are dicks but if that were the case I dont understand why she didnt tell me about it so I could force my fist on his face a couple hundred times. as I talked to her about it she got more and more defensive I was asking why on earth would she ride with the guy driving his new car(just the two of them) that in its self is outragious. I asked if she was flirting with him or things of that nature of course she said absolutely not but come on that fact that she drove his car is kinda flirting. she kinda admitted to that finally but nothing else and barley that. so from that point forward Ive brought it up here and there she's alway denied everything and alway seems to forget details to this day I havent heard any sort of resonable explanation for this stuff it just ends with I didnt do anything wrong I cant prove anything so your just going to have to trust me. so I would love to confront her but I dont have any proof I dont know the kid nor does she(she says) her friends wouldnt say anything to me about it so how do I get the truth? no proof no nothing but a sick feeling

January 20, 2010

yeah I agree with all of you the hot tubbing story does not add up and Im a guy, guys dont let chicks drive thier nice new cars cause thier nice guys they let them drive to get something else. when I confronted her about this originally at first she seemed very sorry cause she knew that I was PISSED. but then her whole attitude changed it went from sorry to the guy forced himself on her and she was the victim. which ok fine some guys are dicks but if that were the case I dont understand why she didnt tell me about it so I could force my fist on his face a couple hundred times. as I talked to her about it she got more and more defensive I was asking why on earth would she ride with the guy driving his new car(just the two of them) that in its self is outragious. I asked if she was flirting with him or things of that nature of course she said absolutely not but come on that fact that she drove his car is kinda flirting. she kinda admitted to that finally but nothing else and barley that. so from that point forward Ive brought it up here and there she's alway denied everything and alway seems to forget details to this day I havent heard any sort of resonable explanation for this stuff it just ends with I didnt do anything wrong I cant prove anything so your just going to have to trust me. so I would love to confront her but I dont have any proof I dont know the kid nor does she(she says) her friends wouldnt say anything to me about it so how do I get the truth? no proof no nothing but a sick feeling

Well, she already admitted to flirting AND some guy being on top of her in her a hot tub. Even if he DID he force himself on her (which isn't likely) she was still showing interest in him by driving his car and jumping into a hot tub. That isn't appropriate for a married lady in my opinon.

This is obviously bothering you, I think you need to find a way to get passed it. Either forgive her or don't.

January 20, 2010

sorry I know my writing is unfocused(at work) well it all starts with a situation that happened when we were first married. I was out of town(work related) for 3 weeks and from what I was told her and her friends were hottubing they met some kid there and I guess my wife liked his car so she asked to drive it so they went and got pizza and came back. I guess when they came back they all got in the hottub and he pulled her on top of him and I dont know how but he penatrated her. so her story was everyone got pissed at him and kicked him out. the only problem is this didnt come up untill about 3-4 years later during a fight. It just dosent seem right to me. Ive also caught her looking up old BF on the net a few times(her reaction to me finding out was very defensive almost as if it were my fault) and last I guess she has ALWAYS come down on me very hard for lying and other things Ive done(no Im not perfect but never croosed that line) and she just never admidts to anything I think I could count on one hand the times she's admitted she was wrong. I dunno I just dont think anybody is perfect we all makes mistakes exept for her I guess. she always accused me of cheating and things like that(which I never have) so Im thinking maybe it is her guilt? I dunno sorry for the rambling...

IME when people always accuse their completely faithfull partner of cheating, with no reason to be suspicious, that is totally the sign of a cheater. Even if she isnt cheating on you, she's got a suspicious nature and doesnt sound like she trusts or respects you very much.

that hot tub story is the biggest loads of balls i ever heard.

January 21, 2010

Well, she already admitted to flirting AND some guy being on top of her in her a hot tub. Even if he DID he force himself on her (which isn't likely) she was still showing interest in him by driving his car and jumping into a hot tub. That isn't appropriate for a married lady in my opinon.

This is obviously bothering you, I think you need to find a way to get passed it. Either forgive her or don't.

I think the problem with this is that he can't forgive if the other party doesn't feel like it's wrong. It seems to me that his wife put herself as a victim (it's not me, he just manages to slide his private into her private while she accidentally fell into some random guy's lap).

If she comes clean and ask for forgiveness, this will be easy, but that's not the case here. I think maybe a marriage counseling or a 3rd party perspective to keep an open communication. If all else fails, then OP, you have to make decision. Will you be happier single or it is better to live in a marriage with deep resentment like this?

January 21, 2010

thus my problem we have 3 younger kids leaving would have to be my last option here. like I said before if she would just tell me the truth instead of this b.s. I think I could get passed it but the not knowing for sure is killing me. Ive really been thinking about this the last couple of days and I almost feel like the real problem for me is I get really pissed at the standard she has held me to.(ie: my lying in the past) Ive been called all the names Ive had to grovel for her forgiveness and to this day if it strikes her right she still throws it in my face. I cant even begin to describe how hard Ive worked to regain her trust. just her whole attitude on this subject pisses me off she has never been a forgiving person or even understanding for that matter and so I feel like both of us have done wrong in our relationship(not just this story) but I seem to be the only one who accepts my bad behavior and trys to correct it. I feel like how dare she call me out like she has but she cant even be truthful(I think anyway)

January 21, 2010

what did you lie to her about? what does she have over you?

I am not saying she is right here I am just curious

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I feel like Im going crazy any thoughts?

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