molyd Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 I'm new. I've lurked a bit and now I'm gonna post my dilemma. Long story short, I know what to do, but not how to do it. I feel guilty and depressed about this all. I have an ex who wants to get back together. We were together for 18months. He is a single father with sole custody of his son. I picked up my life and moved to be with him because he said he wanted to get married and have kids and I was the one. At that point we had dated for 4/5 months. I moved to be closer to give us a chance. My job could transfer me and that wouldn't be an issue. I ended up moving in with him and everything was okay for about 3 months. Then, all of a sudden we had this argument and he said that he wanted to get married, wanted to have kids, but didn't know if he saw that with me. I stayed because I tried to work it out. I did everything I could. I looked after and bonded with his kid. Genuinely too...not because it would make me "look" better. I kept the house, encouraged him to go back to school when he wanted to and just did what people in love do. I had his back. During that time he was talking to other people via internet (which is how we met), locked his phone, and just began to behave in a strange manner. I felt insecure so I started checking his phone. That was wrong of me. He wouldn't have known that I checked his phone if I hadn't told him...but still I violated his privacy. So, that became the "issue" for him. He couldn't trust me. It didn't matter what he was doing...he rationalized that he was doing it because of what I did. Fast forward about 9 months...we patch some things up but his commitment was never what it should have been. I moved out but we still dated. Then the mother of all weekends happened where he allowed his ex wife to come and stay for the weekend at the house and he said he wasn't sure if he wanted me to stay there while she was there. I was beyond upset. We fought all that weekend and I finally got the courage up to say that I was done and finished with the relationship. I broke up with him... NOW...2 months after the break up, he wants another chance. Says he's changed. I don't care and don't want to date him again. He's contacted my family to get their blessing to ask me to marry him, bought a ring and then proposed...and I was pissed. You don't go from having the issues we had to being engaged. It doesn't work that way. So, the reason we're here is because curiosity got the best of me when he said he changed and I sincerely hoped that he had. So I said we could date, not back in a relationship, but go out on dates and begin communicating again...but now I realize that was a mistake b/c he is really way too pushy on what HE wants and doesn't understand why I don't want to jump into anything serious again so soon without actually working through the issues we had. I have to essentially re-break up with him and it's a maddening process. Am I crazy to not want to jump back in? Was I wrong to express that I wanted to date but not have a relationship so soon? I wasn't dating anyone else at the time when he asked for a second chance, but when he found out that I had dated someone while we were broken up and had limited contact, he was hurt (understandably) but that made him push harder and that's when he bought the ring. I mean, did I lead him on? I'm confused and angry because he's pushing his own agenda once again and has involved my family at that. Any questions or analysis would be greatly appreciated.
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