mustlovegays Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 okay i'm not sure where to begin but i am a straight female and i'm attracted to gay men!!! i'm not saying it's a problem (only if the men aren't interested) but it started with a crush on this sexy hispanic/jewish man (not trying to be racist though HE'S GORGEOUS!) i didn't know he was gay until i found his facebook then i got to know his lover and became attracted to him and the interesting part of the backstory is they have both been married to women before. now i'm desperately seeking gays! my latest conquest is my manager @ work lets just call him S.A. and i find myself completely consumed by him!!! he's so charming and just makes you want to smile! and he's soooooooo adorable and i find that no matter what he wants done i'll do it (not just because he's my boss!) and i've gone the extra mile to keep his bosses from coming down so hard on him because i have this protective instinct over him. see the company i work for the rules are that if i intend to start a relationship with someone within my store i must transfer or resign. i'll gladly transfer to another location but i don't know how to approach the situation. i really like him and want to get to know him outside of work and maybe open his mind a bit to dating a female and a male at the same time (i want to remain separate from his partner but very open to their relationship) am i normal? and what should i do? close friends of mine say i should wait a while and get a feel of the situation before making any critical moves...please help me!
TaraMaiden Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 The question is not so much why you're so attracted to gay men, but why you seem to be impervious to the charms of heterosexual men. my guess is that you're fearful of giving yourself to somebody who might hurt you. A gay man can't hurt you by virtue of the fact that he's never going to consider you as primary dating material..... This is pure hypothesis, of course. Why not tell us why heterosexual men are not primary dating material for you?
Author mustlovegays Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 i don't have an issue with straight men i just don't prefer them. i've dated heterosexual men and are friends with them but i just can't shake wanting a gay man. and in theory i do believe like any human being they can be as open minded to both or going back. i don't want to make S.A. straight i just want to be apart of his personal life and be romantically involved with him. he can keep his partner i just don't want to get involved with the partner too.
TaraMaiden Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 "Going back"....? What do you mean by "going back"? Do you think men become gay at some point in their lives? Do you think that an heterosexual man decides one day that he's had eough, and decides from a certain point, to be gay instead.....?? Because you know, gay men (and women) are BORN Gay. They realise it and open to it at some point, but they don't suddenly choose gayness, whilst before they weren't gay. There is no 'going back'.... A gay man is a gay man, and although instances have occurred where gay men have been with women, that didn't mske them happy or fulfilled. It made them frustrated and inhibited. Gay men have occasionally impregnated a woman because she wanted a child, which was an arrangement between them, but no relationship existed.... I think, if "going back" is what you mean, by what I've said above, you really need to have a re-think....
TaraMaiden Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Big mistake. If a man is homosexual he's not going to want to have a relationship with a woman. I'm sorry. I have a wide range and circle of friends who are gay and they are simply completely turned off by any thought of having a sexual relationship with a woman. They're friendly - they love women - they have an excellent rapport with women - they just don't want to be involved with them, in a relationship. Besides, you seem to dismiss the relationship they have with someone else as being trivial or insincere. If he ever developped a relationship with you (which I completely doubt he would) this would make him a cheater, or at the very least, definitely affect his partner. What makes you think a gay relationship is any less intense or loving than a heterosexual one? Who cares if you don't want to be involved with his partner.... ever thought of the fact that they'd find your approaches insulting and intrusive? If he's with someone, then he's committed to them. Gay men in serious relationships, are no more prone to having open relationships and casual sex than anyone in a serious heterosexual relationship is. I really think you need to examine your own motivations far more deeply. You're not considering his relationship as serious. And that is your second mistake.
Simon Attwood Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 There is a term coined (which is actually quite an ugly term) called "Fag Hag". It refers to a straight woman that likes to hang around with a gay man, or gay men. The accepted psychological motive for this phenomenon is the desire to see if the gay man can be turned back. I think this might be what you mean by "Going Back"? Is it normal? Well that depends upon your interpretation of normal. Is it common? Yes, quite common. I've known a few. Firstly; gay men are less threatening, as Tara mentioned (even though they can actually be deep down quite resentful and bitter towards women. For instance; I was in a restaurant with a girlfriend once, with candles lit upon the table. On an adjacent table was a group of gays. Girlfriend spontaneously leaned across the table to kiss me and her hair caught in the candle. The gays at the other table all fell about pointing and laughing in a way that appeared quite sadistic.) Secondly; it's seeking a sense of achievement and worth. If they can be turned back then that defines your sexual value much stronger than if you just attracted a straight man. This in turn gives an indication of your current sense of your sexual value. The second point is reinforced by your use of the word "conquest"
Author mustlovegays Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Okay first off let me say this i care VERY deeply for the man i'm interested in!!! so i may not be the most eloquent writer but i'm just very curious about what it is in my brain and yes i am sexually attracted and i'm not saying i wouldn't care about his partner!!! i guess it is easy to make quick snap judgements about somebody!!! EXCUSE ME for not knowning EVERYTHING about Gays and Lesbians!!!! but one thing i am is tolerant and yes i do believe in my heart that you can be with more than one person of same gender or different and be perfectly happy and healthy!!! i'm a very open minded and hearted person and right now i'm fuming at the fact you two seem to be telling me i'm a narrow minded ****! don't think you know everything about a person based on their writing because sometimes they may not word it correctly but doesn't mean none the less they don't care. OH and another thing I have gay and lesbians friends and family so i have a deeper understanding than you might be reading about! thanks for the advice but i'm NEVER EVER coming back here!!! CARING MY ASS!
TaraMaiden Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Okay first off let me say this i care VERY deeply for the man i'm interested in!!! I never said you didn't. so i may not be the most eloquent writer but i'm just very curious about what it is in my brain and yes i am sexually attracted and i'm not saying i wouldn't care about his partner!!! Well, reading this.... he can keep his partner i just don't want to get involved with the partner too. I'm afraid that's what you made it sound like..... Just what do you intend to do, with regard to his partner? I mean, what if his partner opposes your intentions, completely, and considers you an intruder and someone who's potential is to break them up? You cannot consider having a relationship with this guy, without considering his partner FIRST and FOREMOST. i guess it is easy to make quick snap judgements about somebody!!! EXCUSE ME for not knowning EVERYTHING about Gays and Lesbians!!!! This rather contradicts this... OH and another thing I have gay and lesbians friends and family so i have a deeper understanding than you might be reading about! And please understand. nobody is judging you, but it seems as if you wish to venture into something you're not 100% clear about yourself..... but one thing i am is tolerant and yes i do believe in my heart that you can be with more than one person of same gender or different and be perfectly happy and healthy!!! It's very possible. But it's only 100% possible if the person you wish to have a relationship with, feels exactly the same way. Isn't it? i'm a very open minded and hearted person and right now i'm fuming at the fact you two seem to be telling me i'm a narrow minded ****! Please point out to me where I have accused you of being anything of the kind. don't put words into my mouth, where I have never communicated anything like that. A misapprehension about something doesn't make you narrow-minded. I'm perfectly aware you're open-minded. That is evident. but I also thing you are under a misapprehension about some things. don't think you know everything about a person based on their writing because sometimes they may not word it correctly but doesn't mean none the less they don't care Then perhaps, instead of firing off with both barrels at us, it might have been more constructive if you'd taken more care in explaining precisely what you meant, in the first place. Don't have a go at us if you don't say what you actually mean. OH and another thing I have gay and lesbians friends and family so i have a deeper understanding than you might be reading about! me too. That's why I posted from such a position of conviction. I have three gay cousins and a bisexual uncle. What's your point? thanks for the advice but i'm NEVER EVER coming back here!!! CARING MY ASS! well, if that's your opinion, then I don't think you're mature enough to embark on a relationship with anyone, if this is how you take advice. but hey, after all, this is just a forum for exchange of ideas, so the choice is yours, of course. You came seeking advice, we gave it. if you don't like what we say, I suggest you grab the bull by the horns, tell this man how you feel, ask him to be part of his life - and then see what happens. Good luck with that.....
Recommended Posts