OceanTropic Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 He wants a serious relationship, and he knows that I don't. Am I absolutely horrible by continuing to date him? After all, that might lead him on to think things might turn serious... ...when the truth is i'm just bored and horny, I don't even really like him. NOTE: I told him I am not looking for anything serious, so I am not lying to him. He knows this is a casual thing for me. Knowing that, he could easily walk away, but he hasn't.
sumdude Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 He wants a serious relationship, and he knows that I don't. Am I absolutely horrible by continuing to date him? After all, that might lead him on to think things might turn serious... ...when the truth is i'm just bored and horny, I don't even really like him. NOTE: I told him I am not looking for anything serious, so I am not lying to him. He knows this is a casual thing for me. Knowing that, he could easily walk away, but he hasn't. If he knows the score, and you keep that line. It's at his own emotional peril if he gets attached and falls for you. Question is do you want to deal with the possibility when you meet someone you're really into and have to end it with him?
Author OceanTropic Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 If he knows the score, and you keep that line. It's at his own emotional peril if he gets attached and falls for you. Question is do you want to deal with the possibility when you meet someone you're really into and have to end it with him? End what with him? We don't even have a relationship. I would have no trouble walking away from him. I have no emotion towards him, I don't think I would even feel bad lol
alphamale Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 no, i think its ok as long as you've been up front and honest
Left in a Lurch Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 What he "knows" and what his mind lets him believe are 2 different things. The question becomes would you want it done to you? No matter what you tell him, your actions- dating him and/or banging him contradict what you tell him because he wants to find things to make him believe you are really interested. If you want to destroy him and have no problem dealing with the fallout, go ahead and have fun. Otherwise if you care at all it will be a bad situation. If you're just bored and horny, call me. I'll forget all about you by the next morning if the situation calls for it.
Stockalone Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 He wants a serious relationship, and he knows that I don't. Am I absolutely horrible by continuing to date him? After all, that might lead him on to think things might turn serious... ...when the truth is i'm just bored and horny, I don't even really like him. NOTE: I told him I am not looking for anything serious, so I am not lying to him. He knows this is a casual thing for me. Knowing that, he could easily walk away, but he hasn't. Tell him "I'm only dating you because I was bored and horny and nothing better than you was available. I don't even really like you, but you pay for my entertainment, I mean our dates." If he still wants to date you, it's his own fault. But you said you are horny, so if sex is on the table, he might continue to date you.
TaraMaiden Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 (edited) End what with him? We don't even have a relationship. I would have no trouble walking away from him. I have no emotion towards him, I don't think I would even feel bad lol Is he 100% aware of this? I mean, is it completely, lucidly clear that you don't like him, you're bored and horny and that you feel really, quite negative and disdainful of him? Because if he doesn't, you're lying: you're being (what's known as) 'economical with the truth' with him. You're denying him candour and honesty, because you are benefitting in some way. You're using him for your own selfish ends, because finding somebody of this calibre - who will satisfy your physical and sexual needs and alleviate the boredom - is really completely self-serving and shows little regard for the feelings he has. He could be somebody else's ideal Mr Right. He might be the very "soulmate" somebody is waiting to meet....and he might never know this, because you're busy using him because you're horny and bored. Truly -look at this objectively - wouldn't it be upsetting to you, if the same was being done to you? And I'll tell you what - if a guy came in and made such a confession, everybody would rip him a new one. We'd all call him a player and a user, and tell him what we thought of his riding roughshod over the feelings of a young lady in this way. So I think you might gather then that my answer to your thread question is 'yes.... it is. Edited January 19, 2010 by TaraMaiden
Author OceanTropic Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 (edited) Truly -look at this objectively - wouldn't it be upsetting to you, if the same was being done to you? Well, if I was dating a guy, and he told me he wasn't looking for anything serious, to me that's just code for "I don't want a relationship, just wanna have fun". By fun I would think sex, because why else would a guy date a girl he doesn't wanna get serious with? It would be upsetting if I really liked him, but if I got hurt any further, it would be my own fault. If I decided to stay, knowing his intentions, and I ended up falling for him even more, I would only blame myself, because I knew he wanted nothing more of me but to have fun. P.S Great pic!! I LOVE Lucy Lawless!! Edited January 19, 2010 by OceanTropic
Zeegagge Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 On a sidenote, which particular tropical ocean are you on?
sumdude Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 (edited) End what with him? We don't even have a relationship. A FWB is a relationship, a FB is a relationship. We have relationships with people at stores and hair salons. Once you get nekked and do the horizontal boogie with someone it goes to another level. So you would be ending the sexual relationship which he may end up feeling is more even if his rational brain knows better. Get my drift? I've been the guy on the other end of this sort of thing. It was fun, she ended it. I still hurt a little but knew it would happen. So again for him it's buyer beware. For you? Ask yourself if you're okay with letting him fall and get bruised by your actions. Edited January 19, 2010 by sumdude
Author OceanTropic Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 A FWB is a relationship, a FB is a relationship. We have relationships with people at stores and hair salons. Once you get nekked and do the horizontal boogie with someone it goes to another level. So you would be ending the sexual relationship which he may end up feeling is more even if his rational brain knows better. Get my drift? I've been the guy on the other end of this sort of thing. It was fun, she ended it. I still hurt a little but knew it would happen. So again for him it's buyer beware. For you? Ask yourself if you're okay with letting him fall and get bruised by your actions. LOL horizontal boogie!! nicely put hehe Well you're right, I don't want to be responsible for hurting him, but the way I see it is, if I am using him and he knows it, why am I the one to blame if he allows it?
bananaboat11 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 He wants a serious relationship, and he knows that I don't. Am I absolutely horrible by continuing to date him? After all, that might lead him on to think things might turn serious... ...when the truth is i'm just bored and horny, I don't even really like him. NOTE: I told him I am not looking for anything serious, so I am not lying to him. He knows this is a casual thing for me. Knowing that, he could easily walk away, but he hasn't. continue being honest with him and if he sticks around... and he gets hurt... that's HIS fault. If he's ok with just sex and being 'friends'... have fun.
Choboto Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 because you never think clearly when you really like someone(hes gonna think by seein him, youll change your mind)...so to be true, your the only one who has the potential to think clearly. Be it maturely or not, its honestly up to you.
TaraMaiden Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Well, if I was dating a guy, and he told me he wasn't looking for anything serious, to me that's just code for "I don't want a relationship, just wanna have fun". By fun I would think sex, because why else would a guy date a girl he doesn't wanna get serious with? you didn't actually answer my question..... Is he 100% aware of this? I mean, is it completely, lucidly clear that you don't like him, you're bored and horny and that you feel really, quite negative and disdainful of him? It would be upsetting if I really liked him, but if I got hurt any further, it would be my own fault. If I decided to stay, knowing his intentions, and I ended up falling for him even more, I would only blame myself, because I knew he wanted nothing more of me but to have fun. Well, if he's not aware of the true extent of your feelings then I repeat this.... You're using him for your own selfish ends, because finding somebody of this calibre - who will satisfy your physical and sexual needs and alleviate the boredom - is really completely self-serving and shows little regard for the feelings he has. He could be somebody else's ideal Mr Right. He might be the very "soulmate" somebody is waiting to meet....and he might never know this, because you're busy using him because you're horny and bored. Thank you regarding the avatar...Actually I may change it soon, but it really has kinda stuck.....
Orchid8 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 continue being honest with him and if he sticks around... and he gets hurt... that's HIS fault. If he's ok with just sex and being 'friends'... have fun. Totally agree!
boogieboy Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Tell him "I'm only dating you because I was bored and horny and nothing better than you was available. I don't even really like you, but you pay for my entertainment, I mean our dates." If he still wants to date you, it's his own fault. But you said you are horny, so if sex is on the table, he might continue to date you. I can already tell that since youre asking this you werent completely honest with him. He might still be thinking that he might be able to turn you around to liking him because you havent told him everything. I had to repeat SA's post because you havent answered it....if you can tell him this straight up to his face, then you WONT be absolutely horrible. You have to make it clear to him that you dont like him at all and he has no chance of turning this into something serious, and you will leave him for someone you actually like.
meerkat stew Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 It's wrong to stay with someone who may be infatuated if there is no possibility of ever reciprocating completely regardless of what you tell them and how much disclosure there is. It's wrong to them because in the mere act of continuing to see them you are reinforcing false hope, and wrong to you in that you are foreclosing opportunities to develop the kind of human character that doesn't "get bored" merely because you aren't in a relationship at the moment. There are much better, more fulfilling ways to alleviate boredom than by playing with someone's feelings, and much more to a fulfilling life than romantic relationships.
Author OceanTropic Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 I can already tell that since youre asking this you werent completely honest with him. Hmm you're right. I wasn't BLUNT about it. I didn't say "Look I'm bored, you're hot, I just want sex". I beat around the bush in a way. "I don't want anything serious, I am not looking for a relationship". You guys are right... BUT... Having said this, isn't he supposed to CLUE in? Like "Hmm she doesn't want a relationship, then what is she doing with me? Must be the sex!!" Or am I overestimating his intelligence?
Choboto Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Hmm you're right. I wasn't BLUNT about it. I didn't say "Look I'm bored, you're hot, I just want sex". I beat around the bush in a way. "I don't want anything serious, I am not looking for a relationship". You guys are right... BUT... Having said this, isn't he supposed to CLUE in? Like "Hmm she doesn't want a relationship, then what is she doing with me? Must be the sex!!" Or am I overestimating his intelligence? liek i said previously, when you really like someone you never think clearly..you always second guess, always think itll get better, etc.
Author OceanTropic Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 It's wrong to stay with someone who may be infatuated if there is no possibility of ever reciprocating completely regardless of what you tell them and how much disclosure there is. It's wrong to them because in the mere act of continuing to see them you are reinforcing false hope, and wrong to you in that you are foreclosing opportunities to develop the kind of human character that doesn't "get bored" merely because you aren't in a relationship at the moment. There are much better, more fulfilling ways to alleviate boredom than by playing with someone's feelings, and much more to a fulfilling life than romantic relationships. Ahhh you're right. The reason I am choosing dating as a means of alleviating boredom is because a) I enjoy being in the company of a man and b) the sex. A woman can't go around having sex with men she's not dating because its "slutty" and she would be a "whore". The only way to get laid (for a woman) is if she sleeps with a man she is seeing. This is the only thing that makes is "appropriate". It's not that I am afraid of ruining my reputation or anything, but I myself do not want to go around sleeping with men I am not dating. Maybe its my own personal views, but I have never had a one night stand. I can only have sex with a man I am comfortable with and one who doesn't sleep around.
carhill Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Am I absolutely horrible by continuing to date him? You disclosed your disinterest in anything serious. As long as your actions continue to reflect that disclosure, enjoy. He has fully formed male parts, including a brain. He can decide for himself whether he wants to continue. This is all he needs to know, which you've said: "I don't want anything serious, I am not looking for a relationship". I would believe you.
meerkat stew Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Then you should find a sex partner who won't develop feelings for you, and move onto the next if they do. Continuing to have sex with someone who has unreturned feelings is a bad action, not world level evil bad, just plain run of the mill crappy human behavior bad.
Stockalone Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Hmm you're right. I wasn't BLUNT about it. I didn't say "Look I'm bored, you're hot, I just want sex". I beat around the bush in a way. "I don't want anything serious, I am not looking for a relationship". You guys are right... BUT... Having said this, isn't he supposed to CLUE in? Like "Hmm she doesn't want a relationship, then what is she doing with me? Must be the sex!!" Or am I overestimating his intelligence? I don't think it's fair to assume that the other person has the same knowledge you do or that he views things the same way. "I am not looking for a relationship right now" usually means "I don't want a relationship with you." But who is to say that he is aware of that? He could think that what you mean is you don't want commitment just yet, that you want to take things slow without labeling it as a relationship, as bf and gf. He might think that you just need time and that you will want a relationship eventually when you have spend more time together. You don't have to be as blunt as the response I mentioned in my previous post. However, I think you should be very clear about the fact that you don't see yourself in a committed relationship with him, ever. What you are offering him is a fun time that comes with an expiration date. It's not that I am afraid of ruining my reputation or anything, but I myself do not want to go around sleeping with men I am not dating. Maybe its my own personal views, but I have never had a one night stand. I can only have sex with a man I am comfortable with and one who doesn't sleep around. I guess that begs the question what do you want? Casual dating or a FWB situation usually means that the people involved in it can have sex with other people as well. What you are looking for is basically a relationship that is based mainly/only on sex (FWB) where both of you are exclusive, meaning you don't have sex with other people. Is that correct?
temple Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I'd say end this. What are you getting from it, other than immediate gratification? This kind of emotion is throw away and meaningless. It might be the solution to short term happiness, but you're clear that you don't see a future in this, so it will probably lead to at least one person's heartbreak.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I was in a somewhat similar situation recently. Toward the end, he told me that even though I had been abundantly honest about my feelings and what I wanted out of the deal, deep down he was still hoping things would develop into something more serious. And this was obvious. I finally broke things off with him for good a few weeks ago, and we parted about as amicably as two people could. I felt it was the right thing to do. If you want an FWB situation, I suggest you find one with a guy who is truly fine with it just being FWB. I'm sure it's not hard to find a man who really does just want to hang out a bit and have sex.
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