SimplyBeingLoved Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Sounds like you've decided. Matters not whether the cheating is right or wrong or whatever. You've decided, now it's time to follow through with your decision. Tell your wife; move on, just do it. Life is too short to spend countless years agonizing.
SimplyBeingLoved Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I feel really guilty more for wanting out of my marriage than for the affair itself. I am supposed to take care of my family and won't be doing so if I leave. I always used to do the "right thing", but now I want to be happy. My opinion tends to be a different than a lot of people here, but I think the whole thing about people being selfish is a moot point. Everyone is selfish. You CAN'T be anything but. Because you really really can't live anyone else's life but your own. And the right thing is to be happy. What's the point otherwise? To raise kids not so they can be happy for themselves, but to just raise other kids ? Happiness -- or well-being -- IS the core reason for living. It fuels everything you do. It is behind your desire for money, for providing, for hobbies, for love, sex, etc. You don't NEED stuff... it's all for the sense of well-being. Even the desire to do what you think is the "right thing" (whatever the heck that is) is so you will have increased well being and not trash yourself. There is no "right thing." There are just consequences.
RedDevil66 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Blueeyes, I give you kudos for being honest here. Cheating is wrong on every level, but most of the time, you need to go through the storm to get to the other side. Like Simply says above, you've already made up your mind, so why wait? I can tell you this though, right now, you're in the "goo goo gaga" stage of love and you're about to give up many years and history for this. But the heart wants what the heart wants. Maybe you're wife has someone else? Is that possible? You need to grow up emotionally and deal with this so the only person hurt is you and not the wife or the other woman
sumdude Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Ironically with the OW, I told her right up front that we should talk about everything good or bad, and we have. I am like a totally different man with her. If it bothers me I tell her, and she does the same. I swore I would do it right this time. It's sad because at some point you could have and maybe still could do this with your wife. I am just afraid of conflict. I mask it by saying I don't want to hurt my wife, but I really am just afraid, pure and simple. I wish my wife hated me, or did something really obnoxious like verbal or physical abuse, then I could justify it. but she is really a nice person, I just don't love her. Stuck in between. In a way you do still love your wife because you don't want to hurt her. Conflict avoidance? Know it well, don't rock the boat. Both of you have just decided not to do it. Sailing without wind or waves gets boring. The reality is you're bored with your marriage and so is your wife. So you both have just accepted it for so long you're stuck in the Sargasso sea. Imagine having a really good argument with her. Not a knock down drag out but a damn good fight. You're going to have to man up and face her with things soon. I suppose you could just sneak off into the night after all these years? Whether you choose to stay or go there will be a day of reckoning that you simply can't avoid. Do her a favor after all these years. Don't just walk out one day without warning. Believe me, that's the harshest way.
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