Author bananaboat11 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 I beg to differ. You aren't able to trust even your own wife. You are often negative and cynical. I'm in agreement with you. Thank you for your advice.. it's nice to know there are others with my rational out there... I hate people who play/use others for self-gratification. It's unfortunate though that it is a reality and fairly prevalent in society today...
Woggle Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Really? Did you pick that up when you got your big self esteem? So in your world you either have to be the bouley or get your ass kicked huh? Yes that is how things work. Women only are attracted to players who treat them bad and men who truly love their women are cheated on and dumped so that is how things work.
Choboto Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 If one engages in bad behavior, one is a bad person. Actions define the reality of a person, not some innate essence. As far as "wanting" to do something versus not, human will is not a complex thing, whatever one does, one wills to do, even under duress. There may be mitigating factors related to the right or wrong of a specific action, but claiming that you are engaging in behavior, but yet don't really want to is a non sequitur unless you happen to be a marionette. define bad behaviors? are they legitimately bad? or is your society telling you there bad? this is an objective matter. your actions define you, but your definition is only objective based on your societies set of 'social rules'.
hoping2heal Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 I'm in agreement with you. Thank you for your advice.. it's nice to know there are others with my rational out there... I hate people who play/use others for self-gratification. It's unfortunate though that it is a reality and fairly prevalent in society today... Well yes. He is talking about that he has it so deeply ingrained in his head that if he is not striking out to hurt someone, that means they are striking out to hurt HIM. Very sad and I imagine difficult way to go through life.
hoping2heal Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Yes that is how things work. Women only are attracted to players who treat them bad and men who truly love their women are cheated on and dumped so that is how things work. Hmmm..thinking here... I have been with my (will be husband) just over a year now. We both had your mentality initially at one point in our relationship. Because of that we both hurt the other a lot, HOWEVER I cleaned up my act and realised I was wrong. He cleaned up his act, also. We both treat eachother thoughtfully and we are very much in love. I'm not worried that because I am not out plotting against him he MUST be plotting against me..so crap..I better go start a plot!! But, is that how you got your wife? Treating her like crap?
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 Society is deemed with social norms... unwritten rules. **** tons of gray area... define yourself. Fall within the gray area. You will fit into a categorical class that will support you while others will exonerate you... meanwhile there will be a class that will berate/belittle and look down upon you. Life sucks and then you die. I was used. Sucks for me. Elephants...
Woggle Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Hmmm..thinking here... I have been with my (will be husband) just over a year now. We both had your mentality initially at one point in our relationship. Because of that we both hurt the other a lot, HOWEVER I cleaned up my act and realised I was wrong. He cleaned up his act, also. We both treat eachother thoughtfully and we are very much in love. I'm not worried that because I am not out plotting against him he MUST be plotting against me..so crap..I better go start a plot!! But, is that how you got your wife? Treating her like crap? Let's see if you are still as in love with him in a few years. I seriously do not know why my wife is with me and that is part of why I am so uneasy in my marriage. I can't put my finger on her attraction so I do not know how to sustain it.
meerkat stew Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 define bad behaviors? are they legitimately bad? or is your society telling you there bad? this is an objective matter. your actions define you, but your definition is only objective based on your societies set of 'social rules'. Yes, categories of behavior are contextual within social groups and norms, as are descriptors of people who engage in them. This isn't a thread about the nature of right and wrong though. Poster typed that they were doing something that they considered "bad," but it didn't make them a bad person, and also that they were doing things despite not really wanting to, both absurdities.
hoping2heal Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Let's see if you are still as in love with him in a few years. If he continues to treat me well, I don't see how I could resist him in a few years. One of my very good friends was goo-goo ga ga in love with her husband for 9 years. Madly in love with him, it wasn't until he started treating her like dirt that she was done with him. I seriously do not know why my wife is with me and that is part of why I am so uneasy in my marriage. I can't put my finger on her attraction so I do not know how to sustain it. Okay, but I asked if you treat her like crap and if you started your RS treating her like crap. Secondly, you have extremely poor self esteem. It's like I was just explaining to OP earlier when I said "you know that feeling when you are with someone extremely attractive to the point it is intimidating? It isn't a nice feeling, it just puts you on edge and makes you really self concious."
Woggle Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Just look at this thread to see what your possible future might be. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t218002/ I got my wife by treating her well which is why I feel my marriage has no chance. Treating a woman well does not sustain attraction and I feel that the minute some married man looks her way I will be betrayed.
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 THe moral of our story.... we are all insecure for whatever stupid reason. Thus we'll never be happy. TOo bad I have never had sex outside a relationship.
hoping2heal Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Just look at this thread to see what your possible future might be. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t218002/ I got my wife by treating her well which is why I feel my marriage has no chance. Treating a woman well does not sustain attraction and I feel that the minute some married man looks her way I will be betrayed. LOL oh that isn't true. My current partner treated me very well at first. Then me, having your misguided mentality after about two months freaked out and was like "Wait a minute..what is he REALLY up too." So, I started treating him like crap. Needless to say he made it clear I have two options. If I want to keep this up? I can go swim to another pond. Then, there was a brief period where he was not treating me very well, I put my foot down also to him. I love him very much but I won't stay in a relationship where I'm being hurt and I let him know that. He got himself back in order. We both know we have to be kind and thoughtful of the other person, or we will just push one another way. We both know that now and me? I love my RS with him. I want to stay in it, so I treat him well. I don't kiss his ass, he doesn't kiss mine.
hoping2heal Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 THe moral of our story.... we are all insecure for whatever stupid reason. Thus we'll never be happy. TOo bad I have never had sex outside a relationship. Heeeeeyyy I thought you were supposed to be at the gym! I'm happy.
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Heeeeeyyy I thought you were supposed to be at the gym! I'm happy. I have a droid eris... i was on the treadmill.. but just got back
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I have a droid eris... i was on the treadmill.. but just got back A droid eris? Wow, sounds serious. What is the prognosis on something like that?
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 A droid eris? Wow, sounds serious. What is the prognosis on something like that? HTC's version of the google phone... Wow.. I never thought I'd get my confidence back so quickly... I owe LS a lot. The love.. the hate... the indifference.. the monogamy.. the polygamy...
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 HTC's version of the google phone... Wow.. I never thought I'd get my confidence back so quickly... I owe LS a lot. The love.. the hate... the indifference.. the monogamy.. the polygamy... I'm not sure if we are talking about the same thing here but..I have known quite a few people to note they felt better about themselves after reading posts by people on LS
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 I'm not sure if we are talking about the same thing here but..I have known quite a few people to note they felt better about themselves after reading posts by people on LS I was emotionally abused and manipulated by my ex girlfriend (who everyone tells me will eventually break the NC & I don't want her to.. so that makes me sad)... it's unhealthy to dwell on it. I know it's been 2.5 months since she hurt me and completely pushed me out... I have been venting/crying/whining/moping on LS so I don't in real life... I'm not arrogant and people know me as the confident guy / leader who is always heart warming and welcoming to all. I never exclude anyone in an activity... But those people know me... other people (I've been told) that I'm a "poet in a jock's body"... The abuse I took emotionally and physically being used by this low self-esteem girl... and I fell HARD for her... completely destroyed me... my self-confidence, etc, etc... but to be here on LS... and cope with other's who know and understand what I'm going through has been TREMENDOUS.. it's really helped me and I plan on sticking around to 'pay it forward'... but I haven't been that since this ex girlfriend began berating me... and belittling me... and picking stupid arguments with me... and manipulating me.. and making me feel worthless as a boyfriend... Like all her problems were my fault... and somehow she was so maniacal she was able to manipulate me and convince me *I* was the problem even though I wasn't... I was sooo good to her. That's why your response to my 'situation' only helped add to the comfort I've found in what people are telling me. I will swear on my life in g-d's name - may he strike me dead now if I'm fabricating a single detail... that I've told my story to the best of ability to the last detail in truth... and I've received a lot of support from many of you... ...so thank you
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I was emotionally abused and manipulated by my ex girlfriend (who everyone tells me will eventually break the NC & I don't want her to.. so that makes me sad)... it's unhealthy to dwell on it. I know it's been 2.5 months since she hurt me and completely pushed me out... I have been venting/crying/whining/moping on LS so I don't in real life... I'm not arrogant and people know me as the confident guy / leader who is always heart warming and welcoming to all. I never exclude anyone in an activity... But those people know me... other people (I've been told) that I'm a "poet in a jock's body"... The abuse I took emotionally and physically being used by this low self-esteem girl... and I fell HARD for her... completely destroyed me... my self-confidence, etc, etc... but to be here on LS... and cope with other's who know and understand what I'm going through has been TREMENDOUS.. it's really helped me and I plan on sticking around to 'pay it forward'... but I haven't been that since this ex girlfriend began berating me... and belittling me... and picking stupid arguments with me... and manipulating me.. and making me feel worthless as a boyfriend... Like all her problems were my fault... and somehow she was so maniacal she was able to manipulate me and convince me *I* was the problem even though I wasn't... I was sooo good to her. That's why your response to my 'situation' only helped add to the comfort I've found in what people are telling me. I will swear on my life in g-d's name - may he strike me dead now if I'm fabricating a single detail... that I've told my story to the best of ability to the last detail in truth... and I've received a lot of support from many of you... ...so thank you Oh . Yes well, there are a lot of people who did nothing but treat someone well and ended up getting treated wrong in return. It happens, the best we can do is learn from it and how to to spot it in it's early stages so that we either put our foot down and put a stop to it, or that we move on. Just because someone dumps you and leaves you doesn't mean you are any less of a person, if you know you are treating someone well don't ever doubt that about yourself. As you also I am sure by now have gathered from LS there are plenty of cynical people who don't treat others so well because they are mistrusting, etc etc. Hold your head high that you were the one who treated her well. That you are the person who does treat people well.
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Oh . Yes well, there are a lot of people who did nothing but treat someone well and ended up getting treated wrong in return. It happens, the best we can do is learn from it and how to to spot it in it's early stages so that we either put our foot down and put a stop to it, or that we move on. Just because someone dumps you and leaves you doesn't mean you are any less of a person, if you know you are treating someone well don't ever doubt that about yourself. As you also I am sure by now have gathered from LS there are plenty of cynical people who don't treat others so well because they are mistrusting, etc etc. Hold your head high that you were the one who treated her well. That you are the person who does treat people well. But WE deserve to be treated well, too!
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 But WE deserve to be treated well, too! Of course you do and you will meet someone who does. Maybe it has or maybe it hasn't yet hit you. But I'm sure there was some point where the RS was amiss. Or was she just golden to you the entire RS and one day out of the blue dropped you like it's hot?
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Of course you do and you will meet someone who does. Maybe it has or maybe it hasn't yet hit you. But I'm sure there was some point where the RS was amiss. Or was she just golden to you the entire RS and one day out of the blue dropped you like it's hot? We were ****ing (not having sex), but literally ****ing... 5-6 times a night.. for 4.5 months. That kind of blinded me to ALL the HUGE red flags... and I am not proud. I probably deserve to be hurt... ...she did always tell me UNTIL the very end that she was falling in love with me.. and at the end, told me she was strining me along and lied to me the entire time. THAT hurt.
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 We were ****ing (not having sex), but literally ****ing... 5-6 times a night.. for 4.5 months. That kind of blinded me to ALL the HUGE red flags... and I am not proud. I probably deserve to be hurt... ...she did always tell me UNTIL the very end that she was falling in love with me.. and at the end, told me she was strining me along and lied to me the entire time. THAT hurt. Ah, so your RS was basically all sex? I say that because when I ask you about it the most you can bring up is sex.
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Ah, so your RS was basically all sex? I say that because when I ask you about it the most you can bring up is sex. She denied me the companionship she was begging for... I didn't understand it.
hoping2heal Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 She denied me the companionship she was begging for... I didn't understand it. So a typical day for you two was..have sex..have sex..more sex..more sex..see ya bye..next day it starts all over again? I mean how well did you get to know this girl on a deeper than physical and sexual level? How much percentage of your time togeter was spent having sex and how much was spent talking and sharing between you two?
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