someoneinlove Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 I didn’t know where else to go, but here it is. I am 20 years old and have been married for a little over a year. I love my husband more then anything in the world. For the last couple of weeks, I have been noticing him texting way more then usual. He usually talks to be best friend of 6 years which is fine by me. But its been more and more that they talk. A couple of weekends ago, they decided to stay up and drink. I went to bed. I thought something was fishy but I couldn’t pin point it. On Monday of last week, he told me that he had thoughts about sleeping with my friend. I told him that it was alright because he didn’t act on those thoughts. I was proud that he told me. I noticed yesterday that he had erased all of his texts. I asked him about it and he told me that it was his phone, that it was acting up again. He has been sort of uptight with me for a little while. Last night I was almost asleep when my phone went off and it was my friend. He grabbed my phone, thinking i was still asleep, and went into the other room to talk to her. I just thought that he was being nice trying to not wake me up. That was about 12:30 last night. He woke me up at 2 telling me he had to tell me something that couldn’t wait anymore. He told me that he had in fact cheated on me that night they drank. My world has fallen to pieces. I dont know what to do anymore. I want to leave but I still want to work things out. I am scared out of my mind. I just need some help with what to do or even just some direction of what is the right thing to do. -I think this is a better place for my post!
whichwayisup Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Sorry you're hurting.. My suggestion is, sadly, because you've only been married for a short period of time and are so young, divorce him. This is double betrayal, and intentional, on behalf of BOTH of them. Your friend is NOT your friend, fact that she allowed it to happen, HE allowed it to happen is just so wrong. Sounds like he isn't ready for what a marriage is all about. Committment, responsibility, starting a life together and most of all - NOT CHEATING! Even more so with a friend of yours!
cuppa Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Does he tell you whether there is love involved or this is pure physical/carnal needs? I'd say if there is love there (meaning that he enjoys being in her presence more than yours or they love doing things together or he loves her smiles or things like that), then maybe you have to cut your losses....but if this is just a one night of pure physical desire, there might be hope there and keep the communication open. Hang in there OP, I'm sure this is tough for you. Keep us updated!
tigereyes1428 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 oh honey - i really wish i could give you a hug right now - i know exactly how you feel - my ex husband slept with my sister not long after we had a child. you need to decide this one for yourself but what is he saying about it? does he have feelings for her? does she have feelings for him. my gut tells me you should leave him - your young have no ties to him and although it may not feel like it now - you have whole life ahead and deserve so much better. please pm me if you want to talk xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
bittersweet memories Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I didn’t know where else to go, but here it is. I am 20 years old and have been married for a little over a year. I love my husband more then anything in the world. For the last couple of weeks, I have been noticing him texting way more then usual. He usually talks to be best friend of 6 years which is fine by me. But its been more and more that they talk. A couple of weekends ago, they decided to stay up and drink. I went to bed. I thought something was fishy but I couldn’t pin point it. On Monday of last week, he told me that he had thoughts about sleeping with my friend. I told him that it was alright because he didn’t act on those thoughts. I was proud that he told me. I noticed yesterday that he had erased all of his texts. I asked him about it and he told me that it was his phone, that it was acting up again. He has been sort of uptight with me for a little while. Last night I was almost asleep when my phone went off and it was my friend. He grabbed my phone, thinking i was still asleep, and went into the other room to talk to her. I just thought that he was being nice trying to not wake me up. That was about 12:30 last night. He woke me up at 2 telling me he had to tell me something that couldn’t wait anymore. He told me that he had in fact cheated on me that night they drank. My world has fallen to pieces. I dont know what to do anymore. I want to leave but I still want to work things out. I am scared out of my mind. I just need some help with what to do or even just some direction of what is the right thing to do. -I think this is a better place for my post! Wow..your just a newlywed this **** should not be happening this soon. What a jerk. I say get out while you can. I know its easier said than done but this crap will continue to happen if you don't give him consequences. I promise you there is a light at the end of this very very dark tunnel. You gotta just keep walking, don't allow yourself to get stuck and don't look back. Keep walking. You will get thru this. You deserve better.
asireen Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 My suggestion is, sadly, because you've only been married for a short period of time and are so young, divorce him. Correct advise, and I would like to add ... leave before you have children together, intentionally or by accident.
Jeff1962 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 First of all you need to remember that your husband chose to cheat. YOU did not make this decision for him. From this point I cannot say where you should go, this is your decision. For me, this is the last straw. As for your female friend? You know how to handle this one. Him? Dot your i's and cross your t's and make sure you have a place to stay. Sorry that this has happened to you.
Samantha0905 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Was he remorseful? Did he beg you not to leave him? If so, perhaps counseling would be best to determine whether or not your marriage can be saved. I'm sorry for your pain.
on1wheel Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I am sooooo sorry this happened to you. I was married 3yrs b4 my W had an A. I would have left 100% if we didn't have a 19 mth old child together. It has been 2 yrs & I still suffer EVERYDAY. Take it from me, cut your losses especially since you have no kids. He will do it again, as he is not ready for what it takes to make a marriege work. You are still young, so it will get better for you...I promise. You will find someone that has the same morals as you do. If you want to stay, then just be prepaired for a daily fight. You will never forget what he did & every time something looks fishy you will think he's cheating again. Sad reality is that he may be. Once a cheater always a cheater.
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