someoneinlove Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 I didn’t know where else to go, but here it is. I am 20 years old and have been married for a little over a year. I love my husband more then anything in the world. For the last couple of weeks, I have been noticing him texting way more then usual. He usually talks to be best friend of 6 years which is fine by me. But its been more and more that they talk. A couple of weekends ago, they decided to stay up and drink. I went to bed. I thought something was fishy but I couldn’t pin point it. On Monday of last week, he told me that he had thoughts about sleeping with my friend. I told him that it was alright because he didn’t act on those thoughts. I was proud that he told me. I noticed yesterday that he had erased all of his texts. I asked him about it and he told me that it was his phone, that it was acting up again. He has been sort of uptight with me for a little while. Last night I was almost asleep when my phone went off and it was my friend. He grabbed my phone, thinking i was still asleep, and went into the other room to talk to her. I just thought that he was being nice trying to not wake me up. That was about 12:30 last night. He woke me up at 2 telling me he had to tell me something that couldn’t wait anymore. He told me that he had in fact cheated on me that night they drank. My world has fallen to pieces. I dont know what to do anymore. I want to leave but I still want to work things out. I am scared out of my mind. I just need some help with what to do or even just some direction of what is the right thing to do.
sacg Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 (edited) I really feel for you, and I am so sorry. I have been around these forums for a little under 2 years, posted regularly early on, and been through, and still are going through to some extent a whole load of grief. I have not commented on here for months, but your story tugged at me and compelled me to write something, although I don’t know what really to help you. But I can truly feel your pain and disbelief, and know your upset. This is very early stages of whatever you are about to deal with, and it could go either or any way. I don’t know your fella or what life you two really have, but as a man, he seems to be pretty honest and maybe guilty about this, hence the immediate confession. Not many do! Right or wrong, he’s owned up. Yes, he messed up, but we all do, what are his intentions now? Has he indicated his folly, or is he priming to leave? Are there excuses yet? Only you know this, and only you, in time, after talking and coming to terms, will you know if you can live with it….and him again. It’s all very fresh, and I can only offer my sincerest thoughts at this, probably one of the most awful moment s of your life. Or so it would seem right now. This could always be an issue in your life going forward, but for now, right now, deal with it as you can, the rest will fall as it will. Dont get me wrong, I’m not defending him as im a fella, he could be a complete player and this was coming, without more info it’s hard to gauge. Only you truly know. It is pretty low, whilst your there and with your friend, but noonee knows the background and how you two now find yourselves here today. If he's wanting to walk, then Im afriad its probably best to let him go, and good riddance, if he's truly sorry and has told you this out of consuming guilt, then start by communicating. You need to ask yourself some hard questions too.... It’s very fresh and must seem totally deliberating and I can only imagine how messed up your head is right now. But you need a little clarity and conversation, him or friends, but someone. If you cant face him, get out and stay with a friend until you’re a little more composed. Again, its hard to advise on not knowing the full outcome and your relationship. People do and can survive these situations, but they are special, in strong relationships, with reasoning and undertsanding. Trust is a hard thing to ever rebuild, but with early honesty and real deep regret and work, it assists the process later on. It all depends on various factors, so i wish you the best. So my answer, without knowing him, you, your relationship, is to immediately talk and see which partner wants what, and go from there. Your heart will guide you, just be sure your happy with its choices. Edited January 19, 2010 by sacg
Author someoneinlove Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 Thank you for your advice. That’s all I needed. I dont have any friends to talk to because they all left me when I got married. I cant tell my family because they love him like I love him. I talked to him somewhat about it after I posted this. I believe he wants to work things out. As do I. He keeps telling me that he will get his stuff tonight because I told him it is going to be hard for me to look at him the same way. I mean, he slept with my best friend while I was in the house. They did it in my house, somewhere in my house. I have asked him for details as to what happened and he keeps telling me that he doesn’t want to talk about it. I am terrified to be honest. I am completely lost. I am sitting at work and I cant stop thinking about what happened or how it happened, if things will be ok, If we will be ok. I want to work it out with him because no one has ever made me feel the way he does. We have been through alot together. I just never imagined that anything like this could happen to me. Again I am just scared out of my mind. I want to make the right decision, but I am scared that I might be hurt again in the long run.
hopeless4u Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Thank you for your advice. That’s all I needed. I dont have any friends to talk to because they all left me when I got married. I cant tell my family because they love him like I love him. I talked to him somewhat about it after I posted this. I believe he wants to work things out. As do I. He keeps telling me that he will get his stuff tonight because I told him it is going to be hard for me to look at him the same way. I mean, he slept with my best friend while I was in the house. They did it in my house, somewhere in my house. I have asked him for details as to what happened and he keeps telling me that he doesn’t want to talk about it. I am terrified to be honest. I am completely lost. I am sitting at work and I cant stop thinking about what happened or how it happened, if things will be ok, If we will be ok. I want to work it out with him because no one has ever made me feel the way he does. We have been through alot together. I just never imagined that anything like this could happen to me. Again I am just scared out of my mind. I want to make the right decision, but I am scared that I might be hurt again in the long run. Bless you sweetheart, you must be going through hell right now. Have you spoken to your best friend yet and heard her side of things?
Author someoneinlove Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 I haven’t yet. I am waiting till I get off work. She is currently dating a man, who is married. They had an affair together and he left his wife for my friend. I am just so confused and stressed out. I dont have the slightest idea what to do.
sacg Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 (edited) All i can say is let him get his things then, as he obviously has somewhere to go, and compose yourself. Use this time to look at the situation, talk to yourself, and find out what you need to ask and say, and what your prepared to live with. Is he not fighting like hell for this? Is he just packing up and going "for your benefit"? As the other poster said, you need your friends, talking, not posting and waiting. Just take a step away and give yourself a day or two aat least. xx PS. Your mate may not have the best look on this considering... just a thought Edited January 19, 2010 by sacg
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