looseleaf2004 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 First let me say this is my first time posting in this forum and I'm sure that there's tons of posts simliar to this one but hopefully someone can help me out. Me and my now ex g/f were together for 5 months and even though it was fairly new, our relationship was like a match made in heaven. Well, she has been going through a lot b'cuz a year ago she was in a coma and lost her baby b'cuz she was in a bad car accident in which she had to re-learn to walk and talk. Now fast forward, I met her in August and the very next month her Grandma passes and I'm there for her. This whole relationship she was in and out of the hospital as her body has been going through some complications. After she gets out of the hospital again on Christmas Eve, we bickered on Christmas, then argued and broke up 2 days later. We were still talking and working through our problems every day and decided we were going to go to new york to see the ball drop and try to see if we can salvage our relationship. We go to New York and had a blast! We left New york on Jan 4th and came back to philly and since then it has been hectic. I have not seen her since we came back. The first week I know about b'cuz she was tired from medications (I can't stress enough about how much physically she's been going through). Well, last week, I tell her that I miss her and I'm tired of just talking on the phone and would like to see her. We were talking every day. But since New york she was giving short answers and having a little attitude. So last wednesday it finally happens and I tell her that we not going to be able to fix our relationship, if we both don't show effort. Well, she says "**** it" it's over and dont' talk to me no more (in texts) and then proceeds to tell me she has begun to talk to another guy. I was deeply hurt b'cuz I just wanted answers as to what went wrong and she would not give it to me. Well, after my failed attempts and we both were emailing each other the next day or so, she told me she just need space and that she will contact me when she ready to talk. Well, 2 days ago, she emails me all jealous accusing me of having sex with someone else b'cuz she got a UTI. Then after she goes to a doctor she apologizes. But the one thing that got me was when she ended the email, she said I love you. Since last Thursday I have been doing strict no contact and not contacting her unless she contacts me. The one thing I think I should stop doing is checking her facebook as I already made myself really depressed worrying about what she is doing. So should I just wait and see what happens and give her her space. My ex g/f is known to have really emotional mood swings and has been in therapy for it also. Or should I just consider myself single and just move forward. I don't really want to break up. All the way up until 6 days ago, we were continually talking about what we both should change to improve our relationship but maybe I pushed a little too hard when I was telling her I was tired of waiting to see her and wanted to see more effort.
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 tough crowd! lol, just kidding
Catseye8 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 It sounds like you're doing the right thing... no contact, give her the space she's asked for, and let her calm down. Sounds like she's all over the place emotionally at the moment. Although that might be something to bear in mind, if she wants to start things up again - are these mood swings going to keep happening? Is she still in therapy/on medication? Because you don't want to be dealing with this every few months. Facebook is poison for things like this. You won't gain anything from checking hers except a lot of pain. Avoid, avoid, avoid!
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 It sounds like you're doing the right thing... no contact, give her the space she's asked for, and let her calm down. Sounds like she's all over the place emotionally at the moment. Although that might be something to bear in mind, if she wants to start things up again - are these mood swings going to keep happening? Is she still in therapy/on medication? Because you don't want to be dealing with this every few months. Facebook is poison for things like this. You won't gain anything from checking hers except a lot of pain. Avoid, avoid, avoid! That's for responding Catseye. These emotional spells she's been having she just recently started to go see a therapist about. The thing is whenever she gets mad she takes it to the extreme and it leads to her either wanting come get her clothes or us not talking for a day. But then after she gathers herself and calms down we are able to talk. This rough patch right here has been the worst period so far. To give you some more insight on what may have caused this also, is I know she was upset and bothered at times during our relationship b'cuz she says physically she wasn't up to have sex regulary. Sometimes we would only have sex maybe once a week or once or twice every two weeks. I try to be as understanding as I can and try to do things to maybe loosen her up and get her in the mood. And then I feel bad when we do have sex b'cuz I know it's going to be a while until the next time or her body will take a lot of time to recover. She also keeps telling me she hopes that the sex situation doesn't break us up and I have to constantly remind her that I'm not going to cheat, but I do let her know that I enjoy having sex a lot but I'm willing to wait. And then the nerve of her to accuse me a couple of nights ago that I might have cheated on her kind of had me upset. When we initially broke up, I just really wanted an explanation and she told me she wasn't ready to talk about it. And then she proceeded to let me know there's another guy in the picture now but that it's not serious but they are dating or whatever. And 2 days ago she told me she still loves me. I'm trying to hold up, and hopefully I'm doing the right thing. I want to be with her and be able to help her through her problems. Kind of hurts that she's running to someone else. On another note, I think I'm going to block her page so that way I can't see it at all
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 It sounds like you're doing the right thing... no contact, give her the space she's asked for, and let her calm down. Sounds like she's all over the place emotionally at the moment. Although that might be something to bear in mind, if she wants to start things up again - are these mood swings going to keep happening? Is she still in therapy/on medication? Because you don't want to be dealing with this every few months. Facebook is poison for things like this. You won't gain anything from checking hers except a lot of pain. Avoid, avoid, avoid! and to answer your other question Cat... this is like the 5th time this has occured (as far as an extreme reaction). I guess I have to take in account that this might not be something I want to deal with either if she does pop up.
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 how do I get myself to stop checking her Facebook status though. I broke my heart a few minutes ago b'cuz I checked her Facebook status and read that he was treating her to the spa (something I used to do for her a lot) but I didn't contact her still. I'm so so torn. I want to contact her so bad!
Catseye8 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Block her! Seriously. You'll thank yourself.
counterman Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I agree, facebook is just deadly in these kind of situations. Block her and just don't go on facebook (you might be tempted to see her page). She's asked for space, give her the space she needs. If she wants to talk to you, she'll make an effort to and maybe apologise for the mood swings. You contact her, she'll know she can go to you whenever she wants to and that's a bad thing. If she can't go to the other person, she'll know she can come to you. So don't contact her. I know you're looking for an explanation but many of us make the mistake by trying to get one and guess what? You'll most likely not get one and, if you do, it won't be what you're looking for and you won't feel any better afterwards. Keep yourself busy with other things.. a movie, a game, something that will keep you from jumping on facebook or contacting her. Stay strong man.
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 this morning she sent me an email (still doing NC!) saying that she's not ready to talk and that she just wanted to know exactly when my upcoming surgery is. And then she says she wanted to tell me if I need anything to let her know! I just responded back and said that it was on Feb 11th and that I was doing great. And thx for asking. And ended the email
Catseye8 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I just responded back and said that it was on Feb 11th and that I was doing great. And thx for asking. And ended the email Well done! Stick to the point, and don't be tempted to give her more than that, even if she starts tempting you with any more 'I'm not ready to talk, but...' stuff.
TheMastaPlan Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 i jsut broke up with my gf and have been going through the same things with facebook...i JUST deactivated my account....i will reactivate it when im ready (probably a month or so) your friends will still be there when you reactivate it ( as simple as re-rentering the password you have now) so its not really a lose/lose situation its a WIN WIN - good luck my man - hopefully ill get some responses to my thread, ive been having a rough time with my break up (was with my ex for about 2 years) - she was also very emotional, im not sure how to get her to see someone about it...ive tried before and lied and said i saw someone for my tuna(totally uncontrolabe nasty attitude) which i never really did but i just dont know how to get her to see someone about it - i think my ex and your ex are bi-polar...hmm
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 My feelings are starting to change. It's kind of crazy how things like this can happen. I never would have thought I would find myself becoming comfortable not talking to her. Just been trying to busy and not be at home moping around. I live alone so sometimes I find myself at home by myself a lot (plus I go to school). And to the guy above me, stay strong. My ex has now made contact through emails twice and I have made sure to keep my responses to a minimum and straight to the point. I hope this works though
xbluudevilx Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 how do I get myself to stop checking her Facebook status though. I broke my heart a few minutes ago b'cuz I checked her Facebook status and read that he was treating her to the spa (something I used to do for her a lot) but I didn't contact her still. I'm so so torn. I want to contact her so bad! this shouldnt be a problem at all. idk if u guys are friends but if thats the case, delete her. thats what i did with my ex's myspace and facebook. even if u delete her and her profile is not private, then its all the mind. control your emotions and your neediness to check up on her. it wont do any good but send pain your way. she wont have to deal with your pain. you do! all in all, move one.
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 Okay, I messed up and broke the NC rule. I'm so ashamed and I was doing so good. I did it after finding out that she is going on a trip with the guy. I didn't call her but I sent her an email. And I didn't mention the trip or anything but I did mention I was doing good but that I did miss her and was waiting for her to talk to me about why what happen happened. I debated whether to push that send button for at least an hour and as soon as I did it I regretted it. I told her she didn't have to respond to the email, that I just wanted to get some things off my chest. I wasn't pleading for her to get back with me, I just wanted her to know I was hurt. Now I feel bad b'cuz I feel like I'll just hurt myself more if she acts as if she doesn't care. Maybe this relationship is really over
HLP234 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 She didn't want to talk to you or work it out so why do you care if she knows you are hurt. Im sure she knows it and by not speaking to her that is how you show her something is wrong. You should not have sent that email. She will either reply and cause you to send something else, or if you expect a reply and don't get anything back, you may feel worse.
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 You are right. I'm dropping all contact and de-activating my facebook and just moving forward now. I am starting to realize it's over. As much as I would like for it to take a turn for the better, maybe I should wake up and smell the roses. She keeps asking for space and time to figure out what she wanted to do and she been contacting me even with me not initiating the contact so I guess I got my hopes up thinking maybe she was starting to miss me or realize she made a mistake. One thing I won't do is just jump into another relationship though. I think I want to get comfortable being alone instead of feeling like I always need someone there with me.
HLP234 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 That is a good approach. My ex said she wanted a break too and then just left me without any word. Going from one relationship to another is exactly what she did. It contradicts the whole point of saying they need space. Its all just lip service most times. Its a good idea to take the time for yourself and accept that fact that it is done. I have done the same but still hurts every now and then. Get out there and meet new people, hang out with friends. If anything happens you will know later and hopefully have a better idea on how to handle it.
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 Okay a little update on the situation. She responded to the email but it wasn't quite the response I was expecting. She just told me she couldn't see the link inside the email (I sent a link with a song for her to listen to while she was reading the email). She just responded that she couldn't see the link and that she wasn't pregnant (she told me she thought she was possibly pregnant a few days before our break up). On another note, I haven't contacted her at all since the email. I'm starting to realize that I wasn't as happy as I thought I was with her. There are still some times when I get really sad and irritated but that feeling is starting to fade away quicker whenever I get those thoughts. Even if she decides to come back, it won't be easy because she would have to make some changes too. Also I was wondering, her birthday is coming up in 2 weeks. Would it be a good idea to wish her a happy b-day whenever it comes?
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 I'm just feeling lonely. I went out on a double date with my friend and his girl. And I wasn't used to being out with another female but I tried to take it slow. I actually ended up enjoying myself but I kept thinking about my ex during the date though. I almost wish that I never fell in love.
HLP234 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Since you sent that letter, I would just do NC now and continue with that. No need to send her a happy birthday comment or anything. You will not get over her if you keep thinking about her all the time. You have to tell yourself you are going to forget and then not have any contact with her at all.
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Since you sent that letter, I would just do NC now and continue with that. No need to send her a happy birthday comment or anything. You will not get over her if you keep thinking about her all the time. You have to tell yourself you are going to forget and then not have any contact with her at all. thx, and the way I feel right now, I dont' want to talk to her at all. I'm finally moving past everything, I'm just still hurt about certain things but it's a definitely 180 from how I was feeling a week or so ago. I guess if she tries to email me again, I'll just delete it and not respond.
HLP234 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 You will get past it but at the same time you will be upset with her or unsure about some things she did or said. That's normal, you just have to get over it and forget that too. My ex left me without even letting me know..its been a month or so and she hasn't said one word to me at all. That is what makes me mad..but nothing I can do about it but just go on. One day all the feelings will go away but until then all you can do is keep trying for yourself.
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 I feel like crap now. Last 2 days my ex has been emailing me and I have responded back. Her email yesterday read "my heart hurts" and then she leaves a long email about how she was crying because she can't believe how our relationship came to what it is right now. She goes on saying all she wanted to do was love me and that she would have given me the world. Then she goes off and says, that she is thinking should she come back to me and deal with all the arguing or stay where she at with her new guy that treats her like a queen. After like the 3rd email, she goes off and says that the reason she broke up was because she was tiring of the arguing and thought that things would never change. She says she just "likes" the guy she is talking to now and that she is in love with me. She asked numerous times why what she did for me was never enough. And also admitted that she has a really bad attitude and that she went to counseling for it finally. She seemed really really hurt. What I didn't like, was that a lot of her views are still skewed. I told her that she was the one that gave up on me and that we should have been able to sit down like adults and talk face to face instead of breaking up through texts. I'm not sure if she is manipulating me or not,but before she started contacting me, I was finally moving on, but now I'm feeling hurt all over again. I dont' understand how you she can be so upset when she was the one that broke it off with me and starting seeing someone else. I didn't initiate the contact, I merely just responded to the emails she sent but I was thinking maybe I shouldn't have responded to the emails she sent me. It was good to finally get some answers as to "why" but now the reason why doesn't seem to even matter anymore. I admit I do love her still and only would want her if she wanted me as much as I want her. I'm just not sure as to why she feels the need to keep contact with me. Also, one last thing. She tells me she feels like the current guy is fighting for her love and that I'm not. I'm like what the hell... how am I suppose to fight for anything when you already gave up on me and we don't talk, we see each other, and you told me to leave you alone, but yet you are still contacting me. I think I lost ground by responding to her emails. She is obviously hurt and maybe thinking she made a mistake, but where do I go from here? Me still doing no contact will benefit the situation. I would hate to be labeled a "rebound" but she has been known to go to extremes whenever she would get mad and things definitely wouldn't be the same and need a lot of work if we were to try again. Help!
Author looseleaf2004 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 do you think it would be a good idea to ask her exactly what the hell does she want me? I'm confused and hurt at the same time.
HLP234 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 She is confused and doesn't know what to do right now. I would not have responded to the emails. She left you, you have the choice to do what you want now. If you don't care and feel like you are getting over her, then just move on and don't bother talking anymore to her. I wish my ex would say something to me, she left me too but I just saw some pics by accident today and it ruined my day. It hurts still but I know she won't come back so sometimes you just have to act like you don't care until it goes away.
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