dealing with an emotional affair. n I'm the other woman!

[Megan909]

I am so lost and confused. I had developed a friendship with my boss, ( ex boss I should say. I have been let go shortly after things got out of hands). but anyhow,...I met my boss a year ago and quickly I bonded with him. He had all the qualities I'd hoped for in a...FATHER.

 

HE is 20 years my senior and I adore him. I go to him for any problems n likewise. He confide in me and we spent hours talking about problems he's having with his wife. I mean,...we grew so close quickly n it was strictly... a FATHER/DAUGHTER thing. let me assure you,...STRICTLY. i did not find this man attractive in any way possible. he was the father i've never had.

 

a few months passed by, n our friendship were still the same. one day, his WIFE went through his cell phone bill and found out that we've been talking on the phone. confronted , I told her I saw him as nothing more but a dad. things escalated and she kicked him out of the house because he was having an "emotional affair" on her.

she said he'd put me infront of his own family. and we did use to go out to lunch or dinner. but most the time,...he was helping me with my college application, or any othe issue i was facing. I told my boss that if he wanted to make things right with his wife,...he could let me go, and he did.

 

they went to counseling and I guess things were n still is TO THIS DAY getting worse and worse. she kept telling the counselor this is all my fault, I got 2 attached to her husband, this and that.

it has been 6 months since and he is still not living back at home. I feel so horrible.

I understand how hurt she must feel and I never meant for this mess to happen! I just want to fix it but I dont know how. =( I honestly dont think they'd get back together. and if they really end up with the divorce,...I AM gonna have this on my plate the rest of my life.

 

what do i do now?

Edited January 19, 2010 by Megan909

[HappyAtLast]

Young lady, if your story is true and your relationship was nothing more than a friendship on your part (as you get older you will learn that these types of friendships are a bad idea), then you are not the "other woman."

 

 

I do wonder, however, how it is that you know the intimate details of his marriage counseling? That hardly sounds like a father-daughter relationship to me.

 

His marriage is his issue and the consequences of his actions are his alone. You, on the other hand, need to decide whether you are going to be the other woman (by continuing in this drama) or whether you are going to realize that this relationship is inappropriate and move on.

 

The choice is your responsibility. His marriage is not.

[whichwayisup]

I do have to ask, if you truly did only look at him as father figure, you should have insisted on meeting his wife, his whole family.

 

Obviously HE did not see you as a daughter - He primed you (telling you about his personal problems, took you out to dinner etc, talking to you, helping you) for an affair.

 

It sucks and sorry that you are going through this. All you can do is distance yourself from this and let go. If his wife refuses to believe him, there's not alot you can do right now. She thinks something is going on, something happened. You say it was innocent.

 

IF they divorce, it'll be because of other reasons going on in their marriage, more than what you know about. Maybe he cheated on her in the past, who knows?

 

Just make sure you never talk to him again, stay away from them both. Ignore any contact made by them.

[katiedidnt]

I am so lost and confused. I had developed a friendship with my boss, ( ex boss I should say. I have been let go shortly after things got out of hands). but anyhow,...I met my boss a year ago and quickly I bonded with him. He had all the qualities I'd hoped for in a...FATHER.

 

HE is 20 years my senior and I adore him. I go to him for any problems n likewise. He confide in me and we spent hours talking about problems he's having with his wife. I mean,...we grew so close quickly n it was strictly... a FATHER/DAUGHTER thing. let me assure you,...STRICTLY. i did not find this man attractive in any way possible. he was the father i've never had.

 

a few months passed by, n our friendship were still the same. one day, his WIFE went through his cell phone bill and found out that we've been talking on the phone. confronted , I told her I saw him as nothing more but a dad. things escalated and she kicked him out of the house because he was having an "emotional affair" on her.

she said he'd put me infront of his own family. and we did use to go out to lunch or dinner. but most the time,...he was helping me with my college application, or any othe issue i was facing. I told my boss that if he wanted to make things right with his wife,...he could let me go, and he did.

 

they went to counseling and I guess things were n still is TO THIS DAY getting worse and worse. she kept telling the counselor this is all my fault, I got 2 attached to her husband, this and that.

it has been 6 months since and he is still not living back at home. I feel so horrible.

I understand how hurt she must feel and I never meant for this mess to happen! I just want to fix it but I dont know how. =( I honestly dont think they'd get back together. and if they really end up with the divorce,...I AM gonna have this on my plate the rest of my life.

 

what do i do now?

 

What you do now is stop having any contact with him whatsoever. get a new job. DON'T TALK TO HIM AGAIN. It's the best thing for you and it's the best thing for his marriage.

 

You screwed up. You may not have known better (I fell into something very very similar when I was younger), but now you do. Some boundaries are sacred and you can't have "friendships" with married men. I learned the hard way too.

 

Leave it alone and forgive yourself for not knowing any better.

 

You didn't set out to ruin his marriage - that was his choice.

[Jeff1962]

I agree with the posters in this thread. Leave him completly alone. Learn from this.