howcouldInotknow Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I hardly post here anymore. I agree I would say back off because divorces can get ugly. XMM and I were engaged (separated from his wife before we even met) things got ugly and I got dumped and you know what he loved me. Protect yourself and back off. In my case MM has been calling and we talk but I would never get involved ever again until the ink is dried on the divorce decree
jwi71 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 You're definitely right to tell me to be careful, but a few more clarifications... OK...that's much better. Glad it appears I'm wrong. he just wants to get everything in writing before he moves out... what he will be paying for, how they will eventually split the house (he is willing to pay the mortgage and let her live there while she is in school, if once she finishes she will let him buy out her equity). I promise you he'll get it all in writing. Its called a divorce decree and it will be all spelled out in black and white. Like the others have said its HIS D, not yours. Let HIM handle it. YOU stay out of it. And for Pete's sake...don't you DARE move in with him NOW. OR even "soon". I want you to put a date on it...and stick to it. For instance, no woman meets my children for a calendar year. Period. No exceptions. Now...your turn...my bf will NOT move in with me until........ And more importantly, shared custody and generous visitation with their daughter. The courts don't care one iota. They will place the child's needs before all others. This likely means joint custody. For instance, my xWW and I have roughly equal custody and as such there is NO child support. He will get joint custody unless he is proven abusive (cheating, though horrible abuse, doesn't seem to count - nor is it even applicable here). And...uh, stay out of it until its done. It will save yourself SO much grief. He would, and I would too if this works out, as I hope to eventually have a positive relationship with his daughter (age 5 now), which would be harder if her mother is bitter and spiteful. Neither one of you can control her. Neither one of you can lessen what she feels...in her eyes YOU (the both of you I mean) are the bad guys. Nothing to be done about that either. All you can do is cope with HOW she acts. Yes, bitter, spiteful and all around nasty is miserable. Trust me, my xWW pulls some crazy bitter BS...its maddening I tell you. But, you will learn, as I have...to cope.
lovinmylife Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 the answer to this may have already been posted, and if so then i apologize. based on what i have read i would advise you to be careful. you say the stbxw is doing this and that, but are you sure about that? do you talk to the stbxw or is this what the MM is saying (just to keep you around?) I'm only asking because i see this pattern a LOT.
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