ditched Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 My ex and i have been broken up for about seven months. NC for six. I was bummed out about spending the holidays without her and she wound up pocketdialing me five times on New Years Weekend. she apologized via myspace and said it was her new phone. Today she called me for real!!!! omg omg omg. i think i handled myself well. She just called to see what was up, i guess. We caught up and told stories and laughed. I didn't even hint at any sort of suffering or misery im feeling over our breakup. I just kept it upbeat and funny. we talked for an hour and a half and when it was time to hang up i just told her it was nice to hear from her and didnt get all mopey. even though, i totally wanted to. i feel elated, interspersed with flashes of extreme sadness. ugh. how confusing. my brain and my heart are all discombobulated. any opinions or advice would be appreciated. i guess im sorta just venting.
LovelyDaze Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 My ex and i have been broken up for about seven months. NC for six. I was bummed out about spending the holidays without her and she wound up pocketdialing me five times on New Years Weekend. she apologized via myspace and said it was her new phone. Today she called me for real!!!! omg omg omg. i think i handled myself well. She just called to see what was up, i guess. We caught up and told stories and laughed. I didn't even hint at any sort of suffering or misery im feeling over our breakup. I just kept it upbeat and funny. we talked for an hour and a half and when it was time to hang up i just told her it was nice to hear from her and didnt get all mopey. even though, i totally wanted to. i feel elated, interspersed with flashes of extreme sadness. ugh. how confusing. my brain and my heart are all discombobulated. any opinions or advice would be appreciated. i guess im sorta just venting. Was anything said that would interpet that she wants to get back together or just be friendly? Because if it is the latter you have to put some distance between you two for awhile until YOU can only accept friendship without a glimmer of hope to reunite.
Author ditched Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 ugh. no mention about getting back together. we just talked about whats been going on with each of us. I dont plan on calling her back. i want to. i want to real bad. but im just gonna sit tight and see if she makes contact on her own again. yes, im totally still clinging to hope that we'll be together again. but she hasn't given me any sign if thats what shes thinking. stupid relationships.
Author ditched Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 honestly, i still dont totally understand why. I was feeling very depressed about some issues i was having with my friends and i was also drinking more and being sad. and she said that she just wasn't feeling it anymore. She was getting kind of distant and said that she doesnt feel that we were on the same page anymore. She said she wants to focus on herself and get her life together. I automatically assumed that she had met someone new and just didnt want to tell me, but according to Facebook, and myspace and all that other evil nonsense, she's still been listed as single. I have been putting so much effort into cleaning myself up. Not drinking or smoking weed as much. Eating better. Exercising. Trying to keep a positive attitude. NOT that she would know any of that because i've been NC for some time. i dont know. just saying. I just can't figure out if i should put the effort into getting her back. or still keep hanging back and playing it cool. or just move on...which certainly seems to be the most difficult of all the options.
DustySaltus Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 I'm glad to see that you are back on your feet. That's the most important thing. The most important thing you need to realize about a second chance is that unless the problems that were there before are fixed, they will come back into play at some point again when you are together. You have been taking care of yourself, you worked on your issues for YOU and not for anyone else. Has she found herself? Is she happy with herself now? Obviously something triggered thoughts of you again. Maybe she really did need to work on herself. Either way though the ball is in her court and unless she comes right out and says, "I made the biggest mistake of my life, i'm sorry and I want to work things out", it doesn't mean a thing except another trip down memory lane. I think you did a great job with the way you handled the conversation. You need to take a step back now and go back into NC OR you can be upfront with her and ask her what her motivation is for calling and unless she is serious about getting back together she should not contact you. The choice is up to you. I like to know where I stand sooner than later so I don't waste time...
GrayClouds Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 My ex and i have been broken up for about seven months. NC for six. I was bummed out about spending the holidays without her and she wound up pocketdialing me five times on New Years Weekend. she apologized via myspace and said it was her new phone. Today she called me for real!!!! omg omg omg. i think i handled myself well. She just called to see what was up, i guess. We caught up and told stories and laughed. I didn't even hint at any sort of suffering or misery im feeling over our breakup. I just kept it upbeat and funny. we talked for an hour and a half and when it was time to hang up i just told her it was nice to hear from her and didnt get all mopey. even though, i totally wanted to. i feel elated, interspersed with flashes of extreme sadness. ugh. how confusing. my brain and my heart are all discombobulated. any opinions or advice would be appreciated. i guess im sorta just venting. Now where are your thoughts going. Did hope wake up and start whispering in your ear; She misses me, she wants to get back together, see all your hard work paid off..." Be careful hope sweet seductive voice can be a Siren drawing the U.S.S. Ditched to the rocks. Remind yourself you have clean-up. You did that without her and, while still a bit sad at time, you are becoming a better person with out her. Think long and hard if your ready to play on the rocks. If not go back to NC and keep the focus on you.
Author ditched Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 Be careful hope's sweet seductive voice can be a Siren drawing the U.S.S. Ditched to the rocks. haha. well said. Thank you for the advice everyone. I'm not going to call her or text her or anything. I'm just going to maintain silence. If she calls me again, i'll take it from there. Maybe then i'll ask her of her intentions. It really was great to talk to her. And i'm jonesing for more. But i think the safe bet is playing it cool, not initiating contact, and just assuming that she was just calling to say hello. The whole pocket-dial thing was so weird though. the timing of it, after six months of NC, she dials me five times over NEW YEARS weekend. then an email saying "sorry bout that...blah blah...we can still chat yknow" to which i politely responded via email. then she actually called me. damn. there i go analyzing again. anyhooters...thanks guys. if anyone else feels like chiming in, feel free. id still love to hear it. i'm sure this will be weighing on my mind for awhile.
GrayClouds Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Maybe then i'll ask her of her intentions. Maybe? Just do, why waste your time. And i'm jonesing for more. I am afraid you are already being drawn to rocks, Skipper. I hope your wearing your life jacket....
Ilovecake Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Ditched first of all kudos on keeping your cool, that's super awesome. Secondly I know you feel stoked right now but don't get your hopes up too much, don't start calling here, just leave it in her hands. If she called you and stayed on the phone with you for that long it means she's thinking about you. Just let nature take it's course, let her make the next move. I bet you my next paycheck she's tossing and turning all this over and over in her head. Right now as long as you don't make any sudden moves you have all the power.
paleblue Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 my advice to you is be careful. its great to hear from your ex again, but unless they say i made a terrible mistake, please give me another chance, the rest is just breadcrumbs and bs. i have been down this road - trust me. i still hear from my ex here and there - she wants to be friends. it is heartbreaking.
gaudi Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 my advice to you is be careful. its great to hear from your ex again, but unless they say i made a terrible mistake, please give me another chance, the rest is just breadcrumbs and bs. i have been down this road - trust me. i still hear from my ex here and there - she wants to be friends. it is heartbreaking. I have to side with The PaleBlue on this one (and not just because it's a very calming colour). Take it for what it is, you and her were just catching up on old times. There was no indication that she wanted to kick-start the relationship again, none at all. If you get your hopes up too much over someone who you clearly have a vested romantic interest in, even with your long period of NC which, BTW, now has to start all over again. Then you are asking for trouble. I say forget it ever happened. It would be great if in every case our EX's had a change of heart, seen the error of their ways, realised what they were missing, and came running back into our out-stretched arms. But let's face it, even after six or seven months, an hour and a half phone call about old times, has more in common with an ego boost, than a heartfelt plee of I WANT YOU BACK. Let it go Bro.
Serena2009 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 honestly, i still dont totally understand why. I was feeling very depressed about some issues i was having with my friends and i was also drinking more and being sad. and she said that she just wasn't feeling it anymore. She was getting kind of distant and said that she doesnt feel that we were on the same page anymore. She said she wants to focus on herself and get her life together. I automatically assumed that she had met someone new and just didnt want to tell me, but according to Facebook, and myspace and all that other evil nonsense, she's still been listed as single. I have been putting so much effort into cleaning myself up. Not drinking or smoking weed as much. Eating better. Exercising. Trying to keep a positive attitude. NOT that she would know any of that because i've been NC for some time. i dont know. just saying. I just can't figure out if i should put the effort into getting her back. or still keep hanging back and playing it cool. or just move on...which certainly seems to be the most difficult of all the options. Hey ditched, It sound like you repsonded and handled yourself very well with the contact!! Also, congratulations on your strength in making significant and positive life changes!! Just don't let yourself get overly focused on fantasies of an ideal reunion. Usually that only happens in the movies. Not to hijack your thread, but can somebody on LS please explain to me the meaning of the statements I've bolded above, the "I'm not feeling it" and "We're not on the same page." I've heard these exact statements in the context of a two break ups by the same ex. They are very abstract statements yet seem to be commonly used. What's the "it" that isn't being felt and . . . are couples ever on exactly the same page in regard to their thoughts and emotions about a relationship?? I can understand if someone says something concrete such as, "You want a level of commitment that I don't" instead of "We're not on the same page." Or, "Your life centers around attending religious services and I'm agnostic" but "We're not on the same page" in a singular context doesn't really communicate anything of substance. As far as not feeling the "it," I don't know what the "it" is? Are these two statements used in the context of a breakup as a cop out of sorts in the same way that, "It's not you, it's me" or "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" are used? Sorry again Ditch, for hijacking your thread, but when I read this, having just heard these exact same statements a couple of days ago, again after a brief resurfacing, reconnection, and departure by an ex, I just have to ask. In my case, both times there were no concrete reasons given for the breakup and just these abstract statements. Be careful about going down memory lane with a resurfacing ex, Ditch, it may be full of some very large potholes!! Whatever you do, move sloooooowly and proceed with caution!! Stay strong!!
RedDevil66 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Pocket dialing?! Yeah right, She was trying to get your attention. I am SURE you will hear from her again!
LovelyDaze Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Pocket dialing?! Yeah right, She was trying to get your attention. I am SURE you will hear from her again! And not to mention that the ex still has your number in her phone... We are so glad you are keeping NC. No need to keep playing a game with someone who don't take relationships seriously.
nomad0792 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Ha...another pocket dial thread...mine's in the breakup forum. Well, I'm glad she supposedly pocket dialed you on NYE. That's not at all coincidental. Any updates?
Author ditched Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 well, i havent attempted to contact her since. but i did get another pocket-dial before work yesterday, at 6:45am! so confused.
nomad0792 Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 ARE YOU SERIOUS? So ditched, can you tell me a little more about your sitch? Your ages and how long were you guys together. Is she the type to 'accidently' pocket dial you? It seems kinda' fishy. I have an idea of what's going on with your ex, but I need more deets.
nomad0792 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Also, if you wouldn't mind "Voting" on my "Butt-dialed" thread in Breaks, I'd really appreciate it. And your thoughts to my sitch as well would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!!!
mscomplex Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 "Pocket dialed?!"Yeah right. That's just a means of contacting you without contacting you. That's her initiating things without you thinking that is what happened. Unless your name begins with A , is first in her phone and it has always happened I would not believe that. I have to admit that in the past I have done the same thing and that was my motive. I would also send an e-mail to a group and "accidentally" include the ex so that he would see it and hopefully call. I know it is childish but that's the sort of thing I did. Especially once I started to think of the person and wanted to contact them without them thinking I "wanted" to contact them. (his name began with the letter A and that did happen to him all of the time though so after we broke up-him cheating-I just went with it) I have grown a lot since then and although I am currently happily married I eventually learned to just be straight and say I miss you. Visiting this site during that breakup and reading, giving and getting advice really helped me through a difficult time. I hope that it does the same for you.
sedgwick Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 I have had several different types of cell phones, and have never "butt-dialed" anyone. I don't know many women who keep their phones in their back pockets, nor do I know any woman who has ever claimed to call someone with her ass. The only time I've ever accidentally called anyone was with my iPhone, and it only happened once that I can remember. I was scrolling through the numbers trying to call someone, and I accidentally hit the name below theirs. That's one occasion I can think of in the 10 or so years I've had a cell phone.
nomad0792 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 ditched...sorry man, just realized you had already commented on my thread. thanks!! Hey mscomplex and sedgwick...if you two don't mind I want to copy your posts under another thread "Butt-dial" if you two don't mind. It's just a way to keep it all in one spot and others can reference the 'accidental' dial and make there own assessments with their own scenario. Thanks.
Wicker_Parked Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 i dialled myself 5 times in one day accidently last week, i was looking at all these private calls on my phone thinking it must have been the Ex prank calling like she use to do. I listened to the voicemail and it was the sound of being at a train station....i looked on my dialled numbers and i had dialed myself... and i got my hopes up lol...butt dialling it does happen
Author ditched Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 hey guys, thanks for the input. Unfortunately, my name does start with "AA" and i am probably the first person in her contacts. I guess i shouldve mentioned that in the beginning. Though during our almost two year relationship, i honestly dont think she has pocket-dialed me once. Nor do i ever get them from any of my friends in whose contacts i'm probably first. We spent the two previous New Years together, so the fact that i got five of these calls starting on New Years day, just seems like it might be deliberate. or...maybe just wishful thinking. I'm trying not to look too much into it. But its so hard not to. I have stuck to NC for months and months. even though i hoped that SHE would call ME. Even if these phantom calls were on purpose, maybe she just wanted to inconspicuously check in?
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