grits Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Boyfriend (BF) and I have been dating for two years. He's 57 and I'm 42. We both have been married before once. A few months ago, I was at BF's office and was working at his computer. He had sent nude photos to me and I asked him if the photos were on his computer. He said they were and he showed them to me. While he was showing them to me, I saw a video he had made of himself with a dildo. I was very very very shocked!! BF deleted it while I sat there but it did disturb me. I was at BF's office last week and got on his computer again. I looked at the recent sites he had visited when BF turned away from the computer. There was a nude site he had visited. I went to the site later. BF has about 30 pictures of himself on that site. All nude. It is a gay men's site. He's even wearing high heels, stockings and a garter in some of the photos. The dildo is in the photos. Many of the photos are in his office with his work behind him - his face is some of the photos. I asked BF if he was interested in men. He said 'no'. I asked BF if he had any nude photos of himself on the internet. He said 'no'. I know the last 'no' is a lie because I've seen the photos. BF even posts blogs on his profiles (he has 3 profiles). We travel often. His blog describes travels he has taken with his 'gurlfriend' and how he meets men in the bathroom, etc. and has sex with them. What is this? Is this just some fantasy he has going on and the internet is his outlet? Or, is he interested in being with men? And, why the lies? The lying about it all bothers me the most.
dazzle22 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 It is impossible to argue with pictures like this. You must be in shock, and thus in denial of what you know you have seen and read? And on his work computer. He is going to get so BUSTED and not in a good way at all. This is a very bad situation, and I think you know what you need to do. Right? So sorry this happened to you.
Author grits Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 He doesn't have to worry about getting busted at work as he is self-employed. But, what about people in the community seeing the photos?! I set up a dummy account to see the photos and I can e-mail the photo to anyone I want to . . . for free! So, those photos are out in cyberspace forever. I am completely shocked and very confused by it all. I really thought I knew this man but, obviously, I do not. I don't even know how to confront him about the photos. I guess I could send them to myself and show them to him.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 I am assuming you're just in shock because I think you already have the answer to your question...obviously he is interested in men and has a "double-life" of sorts. As for how to confront him, I have no idea, do you love this guy enough to want to work through it? Personally I would just call it quits at this point...too much freaky sh*t.
sagetalk Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Why are you even thinking about staying with this guy, is this what you want ? Forget about how he makes you feel or how much he takes you traveling, unless you want to share your guy with other men, run! Run! Run! Run!
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Oh, and forgot to mention, I would also get tested for STD's ASAP!!
xpaperxcutx Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 He's on the "down-low". He won't admit he's gay but he will probably f- another guy behind close doors. Break up with him.
dazzle22 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Really, what more do you need, than his BLOG where he talks about being with his "beard" , you, and shagging guys in the loo? I wouldn't waste my breath confronting him. Just leave, ASAP. No explanation needed! Sounds like a bad George Michael video. Sorry you had to wait two years to find out.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 He's on the "down-low". He won't admit he's gay but he will probably f- another guy behind close doors. Break up with him. Yes, and I know this is easier said than done, but try as hard as possible not to take this personally. It is only starting to become socially acceptable (somewhat) to be openly gay and considering he is in his late 50's he grew up in an even more conservative time...he has probably spent his whole life putting up a "straight guy" facade and you are/were an unfortunate victim of it.
sparkle Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Run......before videos and pics of the two of you make their way on the internet as well!
Clep Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 OMG. It is very obvious to me that he is bi or gay and leading a life he feels he is expected to in public and leading the life he would prefer to be behind closed doors. I would be running for the hills. What you saw would be enough for me to be gone, no questions asked. I don't think I could ever touch him again even without the lies in the picture. I am so sorry this has happened in your life.
Author grits Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 It's amazing how seeing those photos and blogs makes me rethink everything about BF. I really thought I knew the guy. And, the amount of time he has spent buying things for the photos, taking the photos, posting the photos, writing the blogs, etc. Where did he purchase the hose, heels and garter belt? Where is he hiding them? The trust is gone. BF told me he would call me at 9:00 PM last night. Instead, I called him at 8:00 PM. He got so mad at me for calling him at 8:00 PM. He said he was still at work. My call interrupted his train of thought. Why was I calling him instead of waiting for his call at 9:00 PM? He made such a big deal of my call to him that I hung up.
MySweetie'sGone Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Oh...my...I feel so sorry for you...But seeing is believing. You saw it...so believe the evidence. 2 years? Was it casual or serious (on your part)?
Stung Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 It's amazing how seeing those photos and blogs makes me rethink everything about BF. I really thought I knew the guy. And, the amount of time he has spent buying things for the photos, taking the photos, posting the photos, writing the blogs, etc. Where did he purchase the hose, heels and garter belt? Where is he hiding them? The trust is gone. BF told me he would call me at 9:00 PM last night. Instead, I called him at 8:00 PM. He got so mad at me for calling him at 8:00 PM. He said he was still at work. My call interrupted his train of thought. Why was I calling him instead of waiting for his call at 9:00 PM? He made such a big deal of my call to him that I hung up. Sounds like he was afraid you were about to catch him at something. Whether you can reconcile yourself to his sexual double life is a moot point, IMO: the central issue is that the trust is gone, and understandably so. Even if you confront him and he tells you that this is all nothing but an elaborate fantasy, will you believe him or will you suffer from that niggling doubt in the back of your mind? And even if you do believe him, will you be comfortable with a man whose sexual fantasy life involves cross-dressing, anonymous gay sex and internet exhibitionism? Your level of shock and dismay indicates that you will not. If you're fundamentally incompatible at this level, and have lost trust, it is likely time to move on.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 Wow, I am very sorry about this. ((hugs)) I would say your boyfriend is in the closet, but he obviously isn't if he is posting nude pics of himself on the internet for the world to see. My only thought is that he is bi and likes the "variety" of having sex with you and with men. My suggestion is print out his blogs, pictures, ect. All the proof you have of his actions. Confront him with it and see what he says. He can't deny proof like that. Oh, and break up with him while you are at it!
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