2sunny Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 and i'm asking for your honesty here - you have started a thread in the other man/other woman section... that would normally mean that you see this man already as your other man. otherwise - you would have naturally posted in a number of other sections - such as infidelity, friends and lovers, cheating/flirting, or even platonic. so can you specifically explain why you started this here if you don't consider him yet as an OM? or have you already crossed a line and do actually consider him your OM?
lkjh Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 by doing nothing you are letting this progress, just look at how your "friendship" is different today than 1 year ago. The "best friend" is getting brave and taking it to the next level. You need to tell your H that you think his friend is trying to get close to you and then cut contact with the friend. Im not saying you have to come right out and accuse him but you need to avoid him and if he ask to go somewhere with you just make a excuse on why he can't come along I know you don't want to hurt his feelings but image how bad it will hurt your son and H if you don't put a stop to this before it goes to far. You are really playing with fire by not ending this now The reasons for his changed behavior is irrelevant, it could be because he is divorced and needs a woman or just lonely but either way it doesn't matter. What matters is that you do whats right for your family. It may seem weird but talk to your H, you don't have to say you have feelings for the friend because in reality you don't seem to. You are way to rational to be tied in a crush. But at least point out that his friend is trying to spend too much time with you End this before it goes to far, his friend is in need of a woman and he mis-read your friendship. This happens a lot
mem11363 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Roses, From one happily married person to another - I can tell you have your head screwed on straight. Think about this: If you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water he INSTANTLY jumps out. But put a frog in a tepid pot and then put it on a burner and he will slowly cook without realizing it - he never jumps out. That is how affairs start. It feels good doesn't it. The attention - that "new" feeling. The warmth. It makes your endorphines release - like after a really good workout. And it is happening to HIM also and your body can tell and that is flattering as well. It reinforces the feeling. But above a certain level those endorphines create a very special type of madness. If he pushes it - it really is ok to tell Kevin that you and he getting closer then a certain distance is simply not good for your marriage and you know out of loyalty to your husband and respect for YOU he will not get closer and risk creating confusion. And if he acts dumb - well that is not an honest reaction. He knows at some level what is happening here. No. Not if nothing has happened. I would just be scared and nervous each time they got together. I need to stop something from starting before it begins (for me at least). But to tell him would just hurt him. There's nothing he can do, so why dump it in his lap? He would just feel awkward around his best friend, and I don't think that's fair to either one of them.
angie2443 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Roses, From one happily married person to another - I can tell you have your head screwed on straight. Think about this: If you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water he INSTANTLY jumps out. But put a frog in a tepid pot and then put it on a burner and he will slowly cook without realizing it - he never jumps out. That is how affairs start. It feels good doesn't it. The attention - that "new" feeling. The warmth. It makes your endorphines release - like after a really good workout. And it is happening to HIM also and your body can tell and that is flattering as well. It reinforces the feeling. But above a certain level those endorphines create a very special type of madness. . Very well put. I don't think most people go looking for an affair. I think that many affairs happen when the marriage is happy just because of that "new" feeling that an op gives to a married person. It's fun at first, but then can grow into something that can no longer be controlled.
Author RosesAreRed Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 Roses, From one happily married person to another - I can tell you have your head screwed on straight. Think about this: If you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water he INSTANTLY jumps out. But put a frog in a tepid pot and then put it on a burner and he will slowly cook without realizing it - he never jumps out. That is how affairs start. It feels good doesn't it. The attention - that "new" feeling. The warmth. It makes your endorphines release - like after a really good workout. And it is happening to HIM also and your body can tell and that is flattering as well. It reinforces the feeling. But above a certain level those endorphines create a very special type of madness. If he pushes it - it really is ok to tell Kevin that you and he getting closer then a certain distance is simply not good for your marriage and you know out of loyalty to your husband and respect for YOU he will not get closer and risk creating confusion. And if he acts dumb - well that is not an honest reaction. He knows at some level what is happening here. This hit the nail home...along with some of the other posts about how "it just happenens". It DOES feel good, I'd forgotten just how much. To answer the question "why did you post here", to be honest, it was the first category that I found that looked like a fit. This desperation to seek clairity after the past few days, not telling anyone, I found this forum from a search engine, and it looked like the "best match". Another good point that was brought up, is how I am missing something in my relationship with my husband, and while I'm not sure exactly what that is, I need to find the answer and seek resolution. I think perhaps Kevin feeds my ego, whereas I feel that my husband takes me for granted? I'm sure that's part of it... In any case, thank you all for your insight and wisdom. I really did need to put this where it belongs, so I can make my way out.
reboot Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Take these feelings Kevin has stirred up and take them out on your husband... just sayin'
Darth Vader Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 This hit the nail home...along with some of the other posts about how "it just happenens". It DOES feel good, I'd forgotten just how much. To answer the question "why did you post here", to be honest, it was the first category that I found that looked like a fit. This desperation to seek clairity after the past few days, not telling anyone, I found this forum from a search engine, and it looked like the "best match". Another good point that was brought up, is how I am missing something in my relationship with my husband, and while I'm not sure exactly what that is, I need to find the answer and seek resolution. I think perhaps Kevin feeds my ego, whereas I feel that my husband takes me for granted? I'm sure that's part of it... In any case, thank you all for your insight and wisdom. I really did need to put this where it belongs, so I can make my way out. Girl, you need to get away from this potential OM. At this point all it takes is a fight with your husband about anything, and somehow you and OM will end up screwing and having the most amazing mind blowing orgasmic sex you've ever had,(sounds like something Jack Nicolson would say)Anyway, I'm not encouraging this just trust me I've seen the senario in here enough to know where this is all going to. Be completely truthful to your husband about any and all feelings that you are having with and from OM.
Crazyforhim Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 most amazing mind blowing orgasmic sex you've ever had,(sounds like something Jack Nicolson would say) Yep right on the money with that one....A s*x is always mindblowing, so much in fact that he'll soon become you're soulmate and you'll wonder why if you're so destined to be together why didn't you find each other at the right time in life! Been there, still doing it and it hurts everyday. I've been in my A for almost 2 years now and the highs are incredible, but the lows break your heart. Stop now before you get in the same mess alot of us are in!
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