fmk123ster Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Hi. I will try to keep this short. Within the last 6 months it has been revealed to me that my girlfriend/fiance has been having an affair. The proof is overwhelming. I have Phone records, emails, TXT messages the whole thing. The other guy also has a girlfriend who suspects something is up. I don't know her but I read all about her almost catching them in one of their emails back and fourth. I have confronted her and her response has been to deny it. I have not revealed to her how much I know or the specifics around the evidence I have. My big problem is its clear to me this relationship cannot be repaired. I have little to no faith or trust in her. But since she has nowhere to go and If i leave my house will end up in foreclosure I am stuck. Also she started throwing Sex at me. (after almost 2 years of none) I assume this is a way of controlling me? If not then why is she trying to have sex with me every day yet emailing and calling this guys every day... I am so shot from this its consuming me and I see no way out.. Please help with encouragement or advice Peace
LovelyDaze Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Hi. I will try to keep this short. Within the last 6 months it has been revealed to me that my girlfriend/fiance has been having an affair. The proof is overwhelming. I have Phone records, emails, TXT messages the whole thing. The other guy also has a girlfriend who suspects something is up. I don't know her but I read all about her almost catching them in one of their emails back and fourth. I have confronted her and her response has been to deny it. I have not revealed to her how much I know or the specifics around the evidence I have. My big problem is its clear to me this relationship cannot be repaired. I have little to no faith or trust in her. But since she has nowhere to go and If i leave my house will end up in foreclosure I am stuck. Also she started throwing Sex at me. (after almost 2 years of none) I assume this is a way of controlling me? If not then why is she trying to have sex with me every day yet emailing and calling this guys every day... I am so shot from this its consuming me and I see no way out.. Please help with encouragement or advice Peace What a dilhema but you do need to sever this relationship ASAP, it is beyond unhealthy. Is your gf also on the deed to the house? Married people who own a home decide to divorce everyday and somehow work out how to legally untie that bind. Try to consult a realtor or better yet, a lawyer on what you can do about the house. As far as you go, you are living in relationship purgatory and it is not fair. Don't know if your GF works for a living but she should move in with friends or family in the meantime. Now is not to start feeling sorry for her. I assume she is an adult, right? She can take care of herself. Obviously she is able to handle a lot of things..like juggling two men at the same time. Think about that the next time you want to worry about her well being.
Zeegagge Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 The continued pain of cheating will destroy you. Kick her out, you have to. Find a way to deal with the house like Ms. Daze said. There's a way. Trust me, being cheated on will turn your entire soul into a heaping stink of nothing. Just go, any way you can.
HLP234 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 I assume you bought the house with her? If not, and you are renting it, you could always tell her to leave and have a friend or someone else move in with you. There is no way this is right what she is doing. Don't even let her know of the evidence, just tell her its over..you can't trust her. Obviously she is trying to keep you through sex but its not worth it. You will suffer more in the long run if you fall for her dumb game.
Author fmk123ster Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 I assume you bought the house with her? If not, and you are renting it, you could always tell her to leave and have a friend or someone else move in with you. There is no way this is right what she is doing. Don't even let her know of the evidence, just tell her its over..you can't trust her. Obviously she is trying to keep you through sex but its not worth it. You will suffer more in the long run if you fall for her dumb game. Yes their are several financial entanglements including mutual ownership in the house (which BTW is underwater worth less then we owe). Relationship purgatory is a very good description of how I feel. Stuck is another. With that said if I don't put the evidence in her face she will continue to deny I think? My gut tells me that based on her background she is a survivor doing whatever it takes to keep the status Quo while trying to lay the groundwork for her next guy. Keeping him on the hook as well. Is this common? I am starting to think I am the broken one, unable to just call her out and move on. I don't get why I cant do that... I can feel my life slipping away along with any chance of ever being happy again ... For some reason I cant get pissed off enough to just call her out...
HLP234 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Well you have to do something. Is this the type of relationship you want? Are you going to go alone with it until one day she just leaves and never says anything? That's what happened to me, no cheating involved I think..but I was pulled along until she suddenly just left without a word. If you want you can bring up the evidence if you want to make a point. And if you are breaking up, do that. You have a right to be respected, and she is not respecting you right now. It is common for women to do this. I don't know why but they like to play games like that..sometimes it happens with age. Other times, they realize later what they did wrong and change. She will sit and go through this with you until she feels comfortable enough with this new guy, or until the new guy screws up. Everyone is always looking for something new, that new feeling you get when you first start dating or hanging out with someone you want to be with and think they are a really interesting person. To me, its all chemicals in the brain..if this person has a history or a lot of partners, and problems that never really got solved..in any relationship the feeling will go away. There is always work involved in everything we do, but if the one you are with does not seem to be straight forward with you, you can't help to change their mind.
Silver_star Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 She is using you in the worst way. She has little to no love for you, which is sad, but she wouldnt do that to you if she did. Zero respect. I say you need to do what you need to do to stand up for your self and your life, and that should include kicking her out of it entirely.
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