elmeepo09 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 i always thought that no matter how difficult it was to change that if u truly loved someone you could change. i know changing is voluntarily and u cant change that person but am i wrong in that thought?
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 i dont think 'changing' is the right word. it's more like 'trying to be the best you, you can be' for that person.
someotherguy Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Just be yourself, eventually you'll find someone that respects you for that. People that try to change for someone else will eventually revert to their true self and end up hurting or disappointing their SO. As for changing someone else, that's total BS, love someone for who they are not who you think they should be.
EricaH329 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 i dont think 'changing' is the right word. it's more like 'trying to be the best you, you can be' for that person. I agree with this. There are certain changes you need to make to be in a relationship with another person. Unless you are with someone that is an exact replica of yourself (borrringgg), then you'll need to make changes. Both parties. Although, they don't call them changes in a relationship, they call them compromises. If you find yourself becoming a worse person because of these compromises you make, then the relationship should most definitely be re-evaluated. I'm not sure exactly what you are referring to when you say 'change' for someone else, but I am taking it as working together to make the relationship healthier. And in that case, then yes. I think everyone should make compromises for someone that they love.
Kristine Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 (edited) As I've gotten older I've realized one thing, people don't change. You need to find someone who is as close to your expectations as you can find and accept their flaws because we all have flaws. With that said, the guy I'm seeing I like him, he's attractive to me, but yes he has flaws and I'm debating if I can accept them. He smokes for one but that's not the flaw that bugs me. Edited January 18, 2010 by Kristine
paddington bear Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I think people do change, but they change because they've discovered something themselves, maybe the death of a parent shifts something in them, or the loss of their job, or a comment some random person in a cafe says to them. Something sparks off a want or desire to change for the better, e.g. after parents death 'life is too short, I should spend more time with my family' and so on. But that is that person themselves deciding or unconciously changing, you can't actually change another person (unless you want to get into the murky world of brainwashing) they have to do it themselves, so best to accept them as they are right now.
Clep Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 To me love and commitment do mean changing. I smoke and my bf does not. He hates it when I smoke and that is something I need to change. He wants a change for my health, his nose and so it is much more pleasurable kissing me. He is not asking me anything that will cause me to lose a positive of myself. He isn't trying to isolate me, asking me to become dependent upon him or any of the other controlling things that can be asked. That for me is what determines if I will change it....if it allows me to be a better person, not his doormat.
Satisfaction Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 As I've gotten older I've realized one thing, people don't change. You need to find someone who is as close to your expectations as you can find and accept their flaws because we all have flaws. With that said, the guy I'm seeing I like him, he's attractive to me, but yes he has flaws and I'm debating if I can accept them. He smokes for one but that's not the flaw that bugs me. Well said
Clep Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 As I've gotten older I've realized one thing, people don't change. You need to find someone who is as close to your expectations as you can find and accept their flaws because we all have flaws. With that said, the guy I'm seeing I like him, he's attractive to me, but yes he has flaws and I'm debating if I can accept them. He smokes for one but that's not the flaw that bugs me. I find that as I have gotten older I have realized people's full potential for change. I have changed more in the last five years than in my whole life. If people do not change they do not mature. I hope to be very different when I am sixty than today. I will have learned more life lessons, my views will change with knowledge, and that will change me. My bf and I have changed things about ourselves for the betterment of ourselves and the relationship. There are some things that will take time and patience to change and that's okay. All we need is a strong desire and the appropriate tools.
threebyfate Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Never look to potential, since potential isn't a guaranteed future. Pretty much everyone has the potential to be anything, within reason. Look to the here and now and who they are. If you mesh in the here and now, have similar core values and goals in life, you're going to have an easier relationship, which means less time wasted in uselessly fighting, and more time spent, building your connection.
Author elmeepo09 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 sorry ericah329 to clear it up i mean compromising
EricaH329 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 sorry ericah329 to clear it up i mean compromising Oh, no problem! Thanks for clearing that up! I believe that as long as it isn't detrimental to your well being, compromises are to be made. Is there an exact situation you are referring to?
xpaperxcutx Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 I really don't like changing people, it just makes me come off as controlling. Yet if having me in their life prompts them to strive for better things then I'm happy to be a influence. I do notice that I change. I'm different myself that I become more caring, more enthusiastic, more driven in life. Some people have that effect on me, for which I'm grateful.
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