stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 (edited) Many of you already know the ineptitude I have when it comes to dating. I have been in long term relationships for the past 9 years and recently enterened the lions den known as 'Online Dating'. I have gone out with about 10 girls in 7 weeks. 2 of which progressed to date 2. One of those has now gone to....dun dun dun...date #4. The other 8 I was just not interestd in a second date, but could of easily done so if I wanted to. Help me judge where I stand with the 4 dater: Date #1 and #2 = Nice dinners, great convo's, solid chemistry. At the end of date #2, she grabbed the back of my head and kissed me. Short but sweet. Date #3 = Dinner out. She was clearly sick and stayed home from work, but still kept the date. It went great. Lots of laughs, great convo, etc. Dropped her off and no kiss. I think it was plainly understood she was sick and we didn't want to swap germs. Date #4 = This is the ONE!!. Brought takeout, wine and movies to her place. Ate dinner, watched the movies til 1:30am (from 7pm). We sat 1ft away from each other on the couch, but never got closer during the movies. I was hoping she would cuddle up. Not very manly for a guy to cuddle up:) After the movies, we talked and she touched my leg a few times during the convo, but other than that, she acted like she was my sister (my fault??). She also thanked me 'for taking this slow' and was genuinely appreciative of it. We agreed to hangout again this week at her place and I got up to leave. As we said goodbye, I softly grabbed the back of her head and gave her a soft, quick kiss. Nothing long, nothing too special. And I was off home. What do you make of this? 4 dates and only 2 quick kisses to speak of. She hasn't contacted me other than a text after I left since date #4 (2 days ago) Do I contact her tonight and try to firm up for this week or let her contact me? Again, this is all new to me. I like this girl and want to make the right moves here. Your help is always appreciated! Edited January 18, 2010 by stevejohnson1976
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Go ahead and contact her to firm up plans. I know the tentative plan is to "hang out" at her place, but maybe you could try to switch it up a little and go out and do something a little different. That might help with the "sisterly" vibe.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Is the the woman you spoke about that canceled on you because she was sick then left town but wanted to reschedule and you were going to call her back the next week and you really liked her, you know the one you started that other thread on??
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Go ahead and contact her to firm up plans. I know the tentative plan is to "hang out" at her place, but maybe you could try to switch it up a little and go out and do something a little different. That might help with the "sisterly" vibe. yeah, i know, but its winter and crappy here. Not much to do. I'll have to think about it. Is it ever a good idea to have a talk about "where you see this going?"?
boogieboy Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Youre doing okay. Good thing you kissed her at the end of date 4. Now just text her with a definite time and date. Just dont do another in house movie night.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Is the the woman you spoke about that canceled on you because she was sick then left town but wanted to reschedule and you were going to call her back the next week and you really liked her, you know the one you started that other thread on?? NOPE...that girl flaked out on me. She said she wanted to reschedule...I gave her a couple of days as options and she said she was busy both days, and she didnt offer up anything else, so I let her go. That was about 10 days ago. and yes, i liked her as much as you can like someone in 2 dates...which isnt much. The girl i am talking about here I'm in to; but I'm not sure I'm feeling it yet.....I definitely would like to take it to the next level and find out though. I have a feeling she feels the same way. She even told me she isnt dating anyone else and wants to see where this goes Who knows if that's the truth.!?!?
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Youre doing okay. Good thing you kissed her at the end of date 4. Now just text her with a definite time and date. Just dont do another in house movie night. you dont think that could be a good oppy to get physical? its hard to get physical at the dinner table. Plus, we talked about watching something we started but didnt finish. We both work early am as well... as for the kiss....im learning, huh;) thanks to you all for your advice!
EM47 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Is it ever a good idea to have a talk about "where you see this going?"? no, do not do this!
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Before this last date, I pretty much assumed this date was make or break. Either we snuggle, kiss/makeout, touch, or its friendzone forever. there was no 'monkey business' and i was kinda disappointed...other than the quick kiss goodbye now, i'm not sure where this is at...i'm guessing im dangerously close to the friendzone though...thus looking for input to make sure it doesnt go that way. Like I said, I'm planning on calling her tonight - NOT text.
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 yeah, i know, but its winter and crappy here. Not much to do. I'll have to think about it. Is it ever a good idea to have a talk about "where you see this going?"? Maybe you could go ice skating, or to a museum or something? A play? A mystery dinner theater? Visit a gallery and get dessert at a cafe or something? I wouldn't have that talk after only 4 dates, especially since it doesn't seem you're in any danger of sleeping together in the near future
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Before this last date, I pretty much assumed this date was make or break. Either we snuggle, kiss/makeout, touch, or its friendzone forever. there was no 'monkey business' and i was kinda disappointed...other than the quick kiss goodbye now, i'm not sure where this is at...i'm guessing im dangerously close to the friendzone though...thus looking for input to make sure it doesnt go that way. Like I said, I'm planning on calling her tonight - NOT text. Make a move on your next date. More touching, a longer kiss or something. Don't leave it up to her. Just do it and see how she reacts. She probably expects you to make moves.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Maybe you could go ice skating, or to a museum or something? A play? A mystery dinner theater? Visit a gallery and get dessert at a cafe or something? I wouldn't have that talk after only 4 dates, especially since it doesn't seem you're in any danger of sleeping together in the near future danger? hahahaha:laugh: I was kinda hoping I wouldnt be driving home Sat night.....but I did. It does seem like that is a long way off. BUT, one night of getting physical with SteveJohnson, usually leads to sexytime, everytime! "50% of the time, it works, everytime"
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Make a move on your next date. More touching, a longer kiss or something. Don't leave it up to her. Just do it and see how she reacts. She probably expects you to make moves. What do you make of the whole "Thanks for taking it slow" comment?? Is that a sign to speed it up with the physicalness? or a sign that I'm headed to the friendzone?
Balthazar Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Next date, you got to ramp up the passion Steve! The movie and couch thing was not cool....she was expecting you to make a move...you're lucky you weren't f-zoned there and then! You need a really good make out session with her and if you play your card's right Steve's Johnson may get some action!
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 danger? hahahaha:laugh: I was kinda hoping I wouldnt be driving home Sat night.....but I did. It does seem like that is a long way off. BUT, one night of getting physical with SteveJohnson, usually leads to sexytime, everytime! "50% of the time, it works, everytime" "78% of statistics are made up on the spot" I don't think she's going to be jumping your bones; most women I know wait for the guy to make the move the first time. When you described your last date with her, I did think it was going to end with you staying over...until you mentioned that you didn't cuddle up with her on the couch. Then I knew you were gonna be sleeping alone! What do you make of the whole "Thanks for taking it slow" comment?? Is that a sign to speed it up with the physicalness? or a sign that I'm headed to the friendzone? Hard to say how she meant it, without knowing her. I would simply take that statement at face value: she's letting you know that she appreciates that you showed her respect by not pushing things too far early on. I don't think you should necessarily be pushing for sex right now, but you should definitely up the physical contact and kissing. See what signals you get back. Take it from there.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 "78% of statistics are made up on the spot" I don't think she's going to be jumping your bones; most women I know wait for the guy to make the move the first time. When you described your last date with her, I did think it was going to end with you staying over...until you mentioned that you didn't cuddle up with her on the couch. Then I knew you were gonna be sleeping alone! Hard to say how she meant it, without knowing her. I would simply take that statement at face value: she's letting you know that she appreciates that you showed her respect by not pushing things too far early on. I don't think you should necessarily be pushing for sex right now, but you should definitely up the physical contact and kissing. See what signals you get back. Take it from there. Believe me, I wanted to get physical, even if it was just cuddling and kissing. have no major need for sex at this point. I like to think I'm a good judge of how things are going...and have never had a problem in the past with knowing when to make the moves; but for some reason, I just didn't get that vibe from her at all - hence this thread. the more I think about it and read these responses, I'm afraid I have been friendzoned!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
someotherguy Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 You are indeed dangerously close to the friendzone. The solution is simple: Take her out and do something special where you can have fun but have time to talk and engage with her. A comedy club might be a good choice during the winter. After the show, take her back to your place, light some candles, make a couple stiff drinks, and escalate, ESCALATE, ESCALATE. Your goal at this point is to make sure she understands, without a doubt in her pretty little head, that your intentions are to remind her that she is a beautiful, sexy woman, and you are going to do things to/with her that friends just don't do. Let your lips do the talkin and your hands do the walkin. Go get her, tiger.
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Believe me, I wanted to get physical, even if it was just cuddling and kissing. have no major need for sex at this point. I like to think I'm a good judge of how things are going...and have never had a problem in the past with knowing when to make the moves; but for some reason, I just didn't get that vibe from her at all - hence this thread. the more I think about it and read these responses, I'm afraid I have been friendzoned!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Hmm, whenever a guy had a hard time reading me it was because my interest was only lukewarm. But, give it a shot, maybe she's just playing her cards close to her chest because she's shy, or unsure of your feelings or something.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 You are indeed dangerously close to the friendzone. The solution is simple: Take her out and do something special where you can have fun but have time to talk and engage with her. A comedy club might be a good choice during the winter. After the show, take her back to your place, light some candles, make a couple stiff drinks, and escalate, ESCALATE, ESCALATE. Your goal at this point is to make sure she understands, without a doubt in her pretty little head, that your intentions are to remind her that she is a beautiful, sexy woman, and you are going to do things to/with her that friends just don't do. Let your lips do the talkin and your hands do the walkin. Go get her, tiger. Raaaaaawwwrrrrr
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I sounds like you both got nervous - she was probably also feeling the make it or break it vibe and neither of you were very assertive. I think another "at home" date is a good idea and an attempt on your part to "really" make out. If you do that, there shouldn't be any doubt about her level of interest afterwards.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 A fourth date inside with a movie is a great way to make your moves. It's okay that you didn't, but you better have it in the plans pretty soon. Maybe think about what stopped you from going in for a makeout or kissing session. We're you just being polite then? Are you not attracted enough? Just trying to get a sense of your reasoning behind not getting more touchy on an inside, cozy movie date. At some point, you have to make your move and cross the line into her space. You just do it, take the lead, and we'll play along if we like you. If you aren't attracted enough to her to initiate that kind of contact, you have to question why. Maybe she's just not a good match for you, or maybe you are just not taking that lead. Plan out how you want this next date to go. YOU plan out how YOU want this relationship to be. Know what you want. Take the lead, the responsibility, of creating the relationship you want. She's either going to play along with you or not, depending on her interest. Don't be hesitant to express your interest in a woman. Don't be afraid of rejection. You are looking for the woman who is available and interested and wanting that relationship with you.
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Hmm, whenever a guy had a hard time reading me it was because my interest was only lukewarm. But, give it a shot, maybe she's just playing her cards close to her chest because she's shy, or unsure of your feelings or something. oh noes!!! say it aint soes!! that would be my luck though......
Author stevejohnson1976 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 A fourth date inside with a movie is a great way to make your moves. It's okay that you didn't, but you better have it in the plans pretty soon. Maybe think about what stopped you from going in for a makeout or kissing session. We're you just being polite then? Are you not attracted enough? Just trying to get a sense of your reasoning behind not getting more touchy on an inside, cozy movie date. At some point, you have to make your move and cross the line into her space. You just do it, take the lead, and we'll play along if we like you. If you aren't attracted enough to her to initiate that kind of contact, you have to question why. Maybe she's just not a good match for you, or maybe you are just not taking that lead. Plan out how you want this next date to go. YOU plan out how YOU want this relationship to be. Know what you want. Take the lead, the responsibility, of creating the relationship you want. She's either going to play along with you or not, depending on her interest. Don't be hesitant to express your interest in a woman. Don't be afraid of rejection. You are looking for the woman who is available and interested and wanting that relationship with you. yeah, i was thinking that "this is going to be perfect to see what we have here". I'm not sure what stopped me. Inexperience, her not doing anything really. I mean, if she just would of sat close, I would of went in for the kill. Now the next date sounds like it will truly be 'make or break it". I like the pressure. Hopefully she responds favorably, if not, it wasnt meant to be. I think its safe to say if you go on 5 dates with someone, they have to be willing to get a little physical..,..
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 oh noes!!! say it aint soes!! that would be my luck though...... Well this is where I'm coming from with that: I am a very assertive person IRL, including with guys/dating. A lot of women aren't like that. Most of my friends arent, in fact. So sometimes they have the same issue that you're having now (possibly) - the guy can't really read them, so he doesn't make many moves; he's not making enough moves fast enough, so she withdraws even more because she's not sure how he feels, and it's just an ongoing cycle of confusion and mixed signals until someone finally ends it or it peters out.... So consider what kind of woman she is; that might help you. You definitely should make a move! If she's on the fence now, being assertive and making a move could sway her to your side!
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