homersheineken Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Has anyone dated someone who is overly passive? Someone so easy going that they don't speak up and aren't vocal about what they want or how they feel? Yes and it can become extremely annoying too. It can be fun in the 'chase' part of the relationship, but when it gets more serious they have to be able to talk to you. That's what happened in my last relationship. Sometimes she would open up and it would look like progress and then other times she'd return to being Miss Quiet again or not real responsive to me. But damn, when she was into it, she was the most incredible woman!
homersheineken Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 I don't feel like it's work. I feel like I'm trying to understand him better. I don't want him to do a 360 and be completely different. I like that he wants to do things to make me happy, I just want him to be happy too. Uh, if he does a 360, he'll be exactly the same. You mean 180
Author dreamergrl Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 Uh, if he does a 360, he'll be exactly the same. You mean 180 What was I thinking He said he would like to come to poker night, we'll see how things pan out. Right now he's in Vegas with friends. I'd like to see how things go at this point. I don't want to cut him out right off the bat.
Pizzaman81 Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Has anyone dated someone who is overly passive? Someone so easy going that they don't speak up and aren't vocal about what they want or how they feel? I went on a date with this girl... she was really quiet. We just had lunch, then I hugged her goodbye, then before i got into my car, she called me and said "hey you want to go bowling?!" I didn't have anything else to do, and would like to try get to know her more, so I agreed. She was very touchy feely there.
harmfulsweetz Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 Yeah, I had a relationship for three years with someone who was passive. The problem becomes, when it transpires into everything, the times when you really need them to speak up, they don't, and it's very frustrating. You feel like grabbing them, giving them a shake and asking them what they feel about that, but knowing you'll probably get nothing out of them. My biggest gripe with my ex was how passively he made decisions that involved both of us. We were deciding on a holiday, I wanted all inclusive in spain, he said that's what he wanted too. For months he said it was what he wanted. It came to booking it, and his mam said that we shouldn't be booking it, we should be doing this, that, and he totally flipped his ideas. It was like he was a totally different person with different points of view. Bearing in mind, we'd went all inclusive the year before and he'd loved it and said he wouldn't have it any other way now, as soon as his mam stepped in, all of that went out of the window and he was in complete agreement with her. He was like that with most things, we'd decide something, someone would criticize it, and he'd flip over to the other side. I think he was just so passive he didn't want to speak up to anyone about what he really wanted.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 So how did you handle it for three years? Was that the reason for ending it?
harmfulsweetz Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 So how did you handle it for three years? Was that the reason for ending it? It was one of the big reasons to end it, it's difficult because it does come through in every area of your life. It gets frustrating, the times when you really just want something, you don't get it. He did get better, but that was when forced, the passiveness came about more when it came to standing up for me, and our decisions, and when making decisions, he'd pretend to be ok with it, then afterwards say something about how he'd never wanted to do it. He was also a people-pleaser, rather than saying what he wanted and thought, he went along with what everyone else wanted because it was easier. I learned to ignore it, and just accept that is how he is, but in the end, it got so frustrating making decisions and talking with someone who only told you what you wanted to hear, not the truth, and turned it on me later. Passiveness combined with people-pleaser are not good combinations.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 22, 2010 Author Posted January 22, 2010 It was one of the big reasons to end it, it's difficult because it does come through in every area of your life. It gets frustrating, the times when you really just want something, you don't get it. He did get better, but that was when forced, the passiveness came about more when it came to standing up for me, and our decisions, and when making decisions, he'd pretend to be ok with it, then afterwards say something about how he'd never wanted to do it. He was also a people-pleaser, rather than saying what he wanted and thought, he went along with what everyone else wanted because it was easier. I learned to ignore it, and just accept that is how he is, but in the end, it got so frustrating making decisions and talking with someone who only told you what you wanted to hear, not the truth, and turned it on me later. Passiveness combined with people-pleaser are not good combinations. I don't think he's a people-pleaser type, as he will speak his opinion and be open about it in front of people. Just not all the time. He does want to just go along with the things I want to do though. I do wish I knew when he was actually content with it.
Ilovehim Posted January 22, 2010 Posted January 22, 2010 well, there is a difference between being passive and non-communicative. The person in this example seems to have issues communicating. If you can't speak up about your wants & needs in a relationship, that's just bad news. Imagine trying to always figure out what this person is thinking or feeling. Who wants to deal with that? preech!! Lol
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