dreamergrl Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Has anyone dated someone who is overly passive? Someone so easy going that they don't speak up and aren't vocal about what they want or how they feel?
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 LoL YES!!!! It's so annoying! Why the question? Are you looking for advice, stories, sympathy....?
make me believe Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Well, there is a difference between being passive and non-communicative. The person in this example seems to have issues communicating. If you can't speak up about your wants & needs in a relationship, that's just bad news. Imagine trying to always figure out what this person is thinking or feeling. Who wants to deal with that?
Nikki Sahagin Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Yes...this is me! I am INCREDIBLY passive. I have loads of opinions/views/ideas but I can't share them. I'm completely blocked up.
Choboto Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 im passive too about most stuff. but if it HAS to be heard, ill say it.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Well the guy I'm seeing is very passive and very easy going. His actions say that he likes me, but it's like he has to be prompted to be vocal about anything. He's got a lot of wonderful qualities and I like him, so I want to be able to deal with the passive stuff, but I'm not sure how.
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Well the guy I'm seeing is very passive and very easy going. His actions say that he likes me, but it's like he has to be prompted to be vocal about anything. He's got a lot of wonderful qualities and I like him, so I want to be able to deal with the passive stuff, but I'm not sure how. I dumped my passive guy, so I don't really have any tips for you. I couldn't stand it: "Where do you want to go?" - "I don't care, you decide." "What do you want to do?" - "I don't care, you choose." "Do you want to do X or Y?" - "I don't care, whichever." "What kind of food do you want?" - "Whatever, it's up to you." "I'm getting a drink, do you want one?" - "Sure, just order whatever you think I'd like." It's difficult for me to think of something more annoying. He was like that about everything. He was also an athlete, so I really couldn't understand it.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Well it doesn't go that far, but there's some indecisiveness. I would like him to be a little more aggressive and vocal. I want some words to go with the actions. It doesn't even have to be all the time, just here and there. If I want to see him, I can, but I'd like for him to be like "Can I see you on x day at x time". He's affectionate and caring. I can be myself around him. We get along very well and have tons of fun when we are together. But i want to hear that he feels the same. Does that make sense?
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Well it doesn't go that far, but there's some indecisiveness. I would like him to be a little more aggressive and vocal. I want some words to go with the actions. It doesn't even have to be all the time, just here and there. If I want to see him, I can, but I'd like for him to be like "Can I see you on x day at x time". He's affectionate and caring. I can be myself around him. We get along very well and have tons of fun when we are together. But i want to hear that he feels the same. Does that make sense? It makes sense; my guy was the same way though. He might ask me out, but he would never be assertive about it (x day at x time). That's where all of the whatever you want came in.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 It's funny, if I don't respond to a text after a few hours, I'll get another. It's almost like he wants reassurance too. At the very least, if I'm picking what we are doing, I want to know he's truly happy with the choice. I don't want it to be all about me. I want to feel equal.
jerbear Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I used to be like that, a ex used to HATE that about me. I trusted her decisions because I would have made the same decision. Both of us had a discussion about being vocal versus keeping it inside or being indecisive. There are difference between indecisive versus vocal. I didn't care about the little things like going to McD or BK but she always wanted me to make a decision; I would state it didn't matter because to me they are similar. When she clarified on what I wanted for dinner, I would say family italian restaurant when in fact she really wanted me to say BK's hamburger. She'll get upset because I didn't pick McD or BK. Know what I mean, she asked between McD or BK; I say don't care. She asked what I wanted for dinner I said spaghetti at the Italian Restaurant. Notice the difference. You have to talk to him about that, how you two communicate, if you ask for advice on LS, it is great but remember you two need to communicate. It is quite possible that he is the type who doesn't fret about the little things. You two have to be able to have discussion about things even mundane things like what is for dinner.
GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 LOL:) Yes, I did and I ended it with him. I got so tired of making all the decisions. That is me, though. Maybe you are a person that can handle that type of personality. I firmly believe...actions speak louder than words! However, I'm too outgoing and personable for someone of that kind.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I agree actions speak louder then words, but having some spoken words to back it up is great, especially when it comes to someone who is so easy going. Sometimes I worry that he doesn't really like me either way because he has to be prompted. I want him to come out on his own and tell me. He did in his own way I guess, and it was great, but not so much now. Which I think he still likes me, but it leaves me wondering even more. Is there a way to work on the communication? I tried telling him I wish he'd be more vocal about stuff, more up front. He's such a great guy. I haven't clicked with someone like that in a long time. I'd like to see if it can work. I just don't want to get frustrated with the passive part. One time we went out for drinks and pool, and he was more aggressive, and it was nice. I actually got the impression he was happy and enjoying being with me.
GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 It's funny, if I don't respond to a text after a few hours, I'll get another. It's almost like he wants reassurance too. At the very least, if I'm picking what we are doing, I want to know he's truly happy with the choice. I don't want it to be all about me. I want to feel equal. I think that has a lot to do with why I can't date a passive type. I want to make him happy, too. So, I'm not always making all the decisions on what we are going to do, where we are going to eat, etc... Also, if they are that passive with minor situations....then what about serious situations that may rise during the relationship? More specificlly; what about in the bedroom? HAHAHA Just some thoughts....
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 IME someone who is passive like that isn't going to change, no matter how much you tell him you need something more from him. People don't fundamentally change who they are.
GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I agree actions speak louder then words, but having some spoken words to back it up is great, especially when it comes to someone who is so easy going. Sometimes I worry that he doesn't really like me either way because he has to be prompted. I want him to come out on his own and tell me. He did in his own way I guess, and it was great, but not so much now. Which I think he still likes me, but it leaves me wondering even more. Is there a way to work on the communication? I tried telling him I wish he'd be more vocal about stuff, more up front. He's such a great guy. I haven't clicked with someone like that in a long time. I'd like to see if it can work. I just don't want to get frustrated with the passive part. One time we went out for drinks and pool, and he was more aggressive, and it was nice. I actually got the impression he was happy and enjoying being with me. Yes, I do think communication can be worked on. I also believe that when you click you click. From reading this, I can tell you genuinely like him.... Oh when you went out and he was more aggressive, did you make a comment about it to him? I find that sometimes works with men. Don't let go just yet....finding someone you click with is not easy:laugh:
shadowplay Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I've never dated anyone quite this extreme, but I have dealt with people like this and I can't imagine ever being in a relationship with one. It would drive me absolutely insane.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Hmmm maybe I can encourage the more aggressive out spoken behavior then? Maybe when I can tell he's enjoying himself, I can tell him I'm so glad I can see he's having fun.
shadowplay Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Hmmm maybe I can encourage the more aggressive out spoken behavior then? Maybe when I can tell he's enjoying himself, I can tell him I'm so glad I can see he's having fun. Seriously, why would you even want to put up with this? He's not going to change, that's the way he is. Do you really want to be with somebody who is so unconfident or has such a weak sense of self?
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Seriously, why would you even want to put up with this? He's not going to change, that's the way he is. Do you really want to be with somebody who is so unconfident or has such a weak sense of self? Or who's just indifferent toward life?
Author dreamergrl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Seriously, why would you even want to put up with this? He's not going to change, that's the way he is. Do you really want to be with somebody who is so unconfident or has such a weak sense of self? He doesn't come across as he's lacking confidence. He still presents himself as he's a great person and is proud of who he is.
shadowplay Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 He doesn't come across as he's lacking confidence. He still presents himself as he's a great person and is proud of who he is. That's almost worse because it just suggests he has a weak identity, so he just goes with the flow or lets others make his decisions. I would find that a huge turn off, but to each his/her own.
threebyfate Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 He doesn't come across as he's lacking confidence. He still presents himself as he's a great person and is proud of who he is.Do you prefer to lead or be lead?
shadowplay Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Or who's just indifferent toward life? Yeah, I've known guys like that who just float through life with a blank grin on their face and a beer in one hand. Can't stand it.
Author dreamergrl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 But there's a lot of turn on's. The way we can laugh together, and joke, and be goofy. The way he looks at me, he'll just gaze at me and smile. How he'll just grab my hand or put his arm around me. The random texts just to tell me to have a good day. When he looks at me and tells me he likes it when I smile. The way he kisses me. The way he hugs me.
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