TO_Girl Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 (edited) Hi , I'm new to this forum found some discussions in here eye opening and I decided to post coz I need sme insight. I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now and for most things have been nor hot neither cold. Yesterday we spent a "whole day" together and I noticed certain things that made me think.. Description of our date, Ill try to be short.. - after being intimate he doesnt really cuddle with me, even though the act itself is really good, he just gets up either to grab water, clean himself or to grab a bit to eat becuase he gets hungry. - It was afternoon and there was a class that he really wanted to attend , so from 6-9 I was left to do my own thing and agreed to meet at his place at 9 again... but becuase I forgot my wallet at home he gave me hsi card and told me to make use of it if I needed to. -I went to grab a bite to eat and thought of him so I grabbed food for him, when we met at his place again he was really appreciative of this and he sat down to eat dinner and talked about his class. -After this we layed on the couch and watched a series , he put his arm around me but that feeling wasnt really there... after the show was over he said " Ok I'm going to sleep now.. " ...ok like what about me, can you be a bit more warm and maybe hug me kiss me ? - When we were in bed, I layed next to him and he said do you mind if I read for a bit ?, I just turned around and said yeah he can read ( what can I say? )... when he was done reading his book he said sorry I cant cuddle with you becuase my shoulder hurts ( he got injured). - In the morning, I just got up earlier to go to work , did my own thing showered, did my hair and make up then he got up and started to read his emails, no interaction about how how was your sleep or how are you , nada. never did he offer breakfast or at least a cereal nothing, never out of three times that I stayed over , in fact I noticed that he waits for me to leave and then he cooks for himself and it bothers me because he knows im having iron and vitamin D insufficiency and I must watch my diet.... when I was done getting, he hugged me , kissed me and I left. You know what I mean? Can you feel what I'm trying to say?.. I don't know if this is his character ( it seems at times) , or maybe that spark is just not there.. I just need to talk to someone about this..and please give me your input what to do if you were in my situation... Edited January 18, 2010 by TO_Girl
shadowplay Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 He sounds inattentive, cold and lame. You can do better.
OceanTropic Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 You cannot put a time limit as to when you should be intimate with him. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't.
Author TO_Girl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Thanks for your responses. OceanTropic. You are right, ther eis no golden rule as every relationship is differrent but what I am trying to find out from his behaviour is if Im dealing with someone who is just not showing any signs of wanting to grow towards that direction. Like ShadowPlay said, if Im dealing with someone who is just plainly not attentive and cold.. It's just so weird , that lack of mushiness makes me feel unwanted and rejected at times. I understand it takes time but for most I dont think this type of start a usual thing?
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Weak sauce! Intimacy like you're talking about usually happens early on in the relationship and dissipates as you both get comfortable with each other. If you don't have it now, I doubt you're going to establish it later. Also, you've been together for 3 months, you sleep together, and he doesn't let you stay at his house for 3 hours while he's not home???
Author TO_Girl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Nope, he doesn't let me stay and he asked me leave the place, thinking about it now it makes me feel bad because it gives me the feeling that he might not be that interested in me or just using me..
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Nope, he doesn't let me stay and he asked me leave the place, thinking about it now it makes me feel bad because it gives me the feeling that he might not be that interested in me or just using me.. Yeah that's really lame. Have you two ever had a relationship talk?
shadowplay Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Nope, he doesn't let me stay and he asked me leave the place, thinking about it now it makes me feel bad because it gives me the feeling that he might not be that interested in me or just using me.. This suggests a few things. First, he is inconsiderate. He may be trying to hide something because he's scared you'll go through his stuff. It follows that he probably doesn't trust you.
Author TO_Girl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 @ OnlyJake.. yes we have had a relationship talk and it turns out we are going slow because we are trying to feel each other out..whatever that means. And maybe this is a red flag itself. @ Shadowplay Yes I have thoguht of that , maybe he hides something , maybe he doesnt feel confortable letting me take that extra step in his confort zone.. If he doesn't trust me ..I dont know, if you were hididng someone you wouldnt even trust Ghandi. And now that I remember I brought with me a bottle of wine that we never got to open becuase he suggested to finish his bottle first.. never did I see a glass of such beverage...niether my bottle nor a glass from his already open bottle, never did he actually get up to serve me a glass.
boogieboy Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Bail now, sounds like he's just using you until someone better for him comes along. Im sure this is the way he is with you. You could talk to him about it, but he will probably just appease you for a while and then stop again.
someotherguy Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I'm not judging, but Most people take it slow before the sex part. Anyway, in my opinion, this guy is bad news, and I don't think he's all that into you. He may have someone else on the side, or he may be actively looking, maybe he doesn't want you looking through his internet history, whatever, it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that he is treating you like crap and you don't have to take that from anyone, let alone a boyfriend, so dump his sorry butt and find someone worth your time.
Author TO_Girl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 hmm we are not boyfriend/girlfriend we are just dating, seeing each other at this stage. He doesnt want to go to that level before "we get to know each other" and thus the going slow. This is why I think if he didnt feel it then why kepe trying.. oh wait ...sex..
someotherguy Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Thanks for the clarification, yeah, you're just a booty call, which is why he doesn't act like your boyfriend.
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