aerogurl87 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I'm not happy without my boyfriend. I've cried everyday since we broke up and at first I thought I was just going through my usual grieving process, but the more I think about it, the more I miss him. I can't see myself being with anyone else as much as I try. I had a date today but had to cancel because I just couldn't go through with it. Argh! So then I text him this morning to apologize for like the 5th time and he says "it's ok" but I tell him no it's not. So he asks what I want, tells me that we can still hang out and talk and just take things easy. I tell him that's fine, might help me get my mind together. I think he still cares, if he didn't he probably wouldn't have offered to hang out again. Either that or he's looking for some break up sex, but I highly doubt that. I want him back, but at the same time I want him to show some emotion. Why? Because I know he's more than capable of doing so although he claims he isn't. I love his family, they love me. I love him despite his faults and he cares about me. We're happy together, we're best friends, and I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to find that in anyone else. When we're together sometimes I'll have these brief flashes of our life together possibly one day in the future. I feel confused because I don't know if I just let the best guy for me go because I'm truly missing something in our relationship or if it's because I'm suffering from a case of "grass is greener on the other side". What do you all think?
Kristine Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Based on what you said about him in this post I'm saying you're suffering from the "grass is greener syndrome". How long were you together, and why exactly did you break up?
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 We were together for 4 months. And I broke up with him because he wouldn't try and show any emotion (as he put it his actions should've been enough to show that he cared since words are s**t and anyone can say anything but not everyone can back up their words with actions). Another reason I broke up with him unfortunately was out of fear. I'm supposed to be moving in 3-4 months and we'll be farther away from each other. A part of me was/is scared that he'll decide that the distance is too much and will break up with me.
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 What happened to your other ex-bf? I thought you dumped this guy because you wanted to make a go of it with your ex-ex?
Kristine Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Well I can say stop allowing fears to run you life, you must have really liked this guy to be afraid like that. But also there's the fact he's not giving you what you need, and that would pose a problem with seeking it from outside sources eventually. You communicated it and he was unwilling to change, which isn't a good sign either. So maybe the break up was for the best.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 We were together for 4 months. And I broke up with him because he wouldn't try and show any emotion (as he put it his actions should've been enough to show that he cared since words are s**t and anyone can say anything but not everyone can back up their words with actions). Words are not ****. How about the words "I love you" and "I'm here for you"? What about when you're lying in a hospital bed and you just need some encouragement? Flowers and a visit are nice. A little reassuring conversation to lift your spirits is even nicer. Most women want a combination of words and actions to express feelings from their man.
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 AE, after going back and reading your last ooooh...half dozen threads, I honestly think that you need to chill out and be alone for awhile. I think you need some serious self-reflection. Your OP here does not, IMO, give a true explanation of your situation or your relationship with your ex, which makes it difficult for anyone to give you good advice.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 AE, after going back and reading your last ooooh...half dozen threads, I honestly think that you need to chill out and be alone for awhile. I think you need some serious self-reflection. Your OP here does not, IMO, give a true explanation of your situation or your relationship with your ex, which makes it difficult for anyone to give you good advice. I think your right. I need some time to think and reflect. Oh and my ex is as messed up as ever I found out from his sister, so yeah not going back to that. I think I just need some time to think and be by myself again.
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I think your right. I need some time to think and reflect. Oh and my ex is as messed up as ever I found out from his sister, so yeah not going back to that. I think I just need some time to think and be by myself again. You're young, you have plenty of time to meet a guy to share your life with. Just know that there are some very big, important reasons you broke up with your bf (both of them). I don't know that you have a case of "the grass is greener", but you definitely have a case of the "what ifs", and that's not going to get you anywhere.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 You're young, you have plenty of time to meet a guy to share your life with. Just know that there are some very big, important reasons you broke up with your bf (both of them). I don't know that you have a case of "the grass is greener", but you definitely have a case of the "what ifs", and that's not going to get you anywhere. Thanks. Well we're still best friends and talk everyday so maybe that's what's making it even harder.
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Thanks. Well we're still best friends and talk everyday so maybe that's what's making it even harder. No wonder you're confused, that's a terrible way to get over someone and move on
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 No wonder you're confused, that's a terrible way to get over someone and move on Haha I can't help it. He's a great friend and we get along so well, things just kind of fall into place and I find myself talking to him for 3 hours straight like I did this morning.
sagetalk Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Thanks. Well we're still best friends and talk everyday so maybe that's what's making it even harder. I could not post enough frown faces on this. You're best friend should be your mom, dad, brother, grandparent, sister, uncle, aunt, girlfriend, college friend, neighbor, mentor, not an ex. This is very unhealthy behavior. This may be a temporary fix for your loneliness, but that's all it will ever be. It will also keep you from finding a better guy.
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I could not post enough frown faces on this. You're best friend should be your mom, dad, brother, grandparent, sister, uncle, aunt, girlfriend, college friend, neighbor, mentor, not an ex. This is very unhealthy behavior. This may be a temporary fix for your loneliness, but that's all it will ever be. It will also keep you from finding a better guy. Such a good point. Even if you did find one, just imagine the drama when he realizes your bff is your ex-bf.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I could not post enough frown faces on this. You're best friend should be your mom, dad, brother, grandparent, sister, uncle, aunt, girlfriend, college friend, neighbor, mentor, not an ex. This is very unhealthy behavior. This may be a temporary fix for your loneliness, but that's all it will ever be. It will also keep you from finding a better guy. I have a few best friends, not just one. There's my best friend from middle school who was also my roommate last year, there's my sister, then there's my gay guy friend whom I've been best friends with since elementary school. My ex, who was my best friend before we got together, is also one of my best friends. That's just how things turned out.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 20, 2010 Posted January 20, 2010 I'm not happy without my boyfriend. I've cried everyday since we broke up and at first I thought I was just going through my usual grieving process, but the more I think about it, the more I miss him. I can't see myself being with anyone else as much as I try. I had a date today but had to cancel because I just couldn't go through with it. Argh! So then I text him this morning to apologize for like the 5th time and he says "it's ok" but I tell him no it's not. So he asks what I want, tells me that we can still hang out and talk and just take things easy. I tell him that's fine, might help me get my mind together. I think he still cares, if he didn't he probably wouldn't have offered to hang out again. Either that or he's looking for some break up sex, but I highly doubt that. I want him back, but at the same time I want him to show some emotion. Why? Because I know he's more than capable of doing so although he claims he isn't. I love his family, they love me. I love him despite his faults and he cares about me. We're happy together, we're best friends, and I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to find that in anyone else. When we're together sometimes I'll have these brief flashes of our life together possibly one day in the future. I feel confused because I don't know if I just let the best guy for me go because I'm truly missing something in our relationship or if it's because I'm suffering from a case of "grass is greener on the other side". What do you all think? You seem to be someone who is right in the throes of the emotional place where you need tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime (and eventually a diversion) before you'll be able to put these difficult feelings behind you. I sense that you are looking ahead with a strong yearning for being attached with SOMEbody, in the future, and that it means so much to you. That's partially why this break-up seems so major. If the lone question of importance were: "Do he and I have most of the components needed to fit together and thrive for a lifetime??" ... then I don't sense that a large percentage of the answers are as would be ideal. But because you want so badly to have a future with someone, you are pressuring yourself a great deal to go backwards and "make" something work with the boyfriend with whom you just broke up. Try to divide all of your feelings and then address each one separately and the next couple/few weeks will be a little bit easier to handle. They will still be hard, but you'll more quickly gain the understanding that you can endure them, and come away stronger and more optimistic about the future. Good luck.
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