sierra60 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Hey guys/gals recently i had posted about my newley married issue, I had only been married about 2 months and all of the sudden my wife changes, says she dont need me anymore and wants a divorce. While giving me no reason why and not wanting to talk about things. As i would ask her she would just shut down and not even pay attention. A little history about us, we have been together for about 3 years wich have been the best 3yrs of my life, our bond was so close. Sure we had our aguments but nothing we couldnt fix on our own, Everthing was great on paper and behind closed doors. So after i found out about the divorce and the way she had magicly changed gears it seemed overnight that i wanted to save the relationship....hell i still want to save it we have a 18 month old little girl that has no idea what her mother is putting her through. I must of tried so hard that the only way she could get me out of the house is to make me look like some kind of animal and got a Protection order aginst me wich made it impossible for me to see my daughter and go near my wife. She had claimed that i pushed her and held her aginst her will...ect...all of wich i didnt do. I never thought that the woman i decided to spend the rest of my life with would call the police and have me removed form my home. Now things are going to court and been a real mess, This stupid order she has im beliving is just so she can run around and do her own thing without me knowing about it. I would never hurt her or my daughter. This weekend was the first time i had seen my daughter since after christmas. wow it was hard to do, she is a great kid and needs me in her life as well as her mother. I just never wanted this life for her...why did my wife have to split up our marrage right after we got married. Did someone realy paint the grass that green? To me i couldnt find someone that i had to loose my new marrage over and or make my daughter go throught this mess as well. So here is my issue she has a daughter form a previous relationship wich she never has botherd to take care of...she loves her but never took on motherhood with her just always leavs her with her mother. I dont want this to happen to my daughter. I belive that my wife has always been like this and maybe just a throw away person. Once she's done with something she is done and wants nothing to do with it. I actually went got time from the lawyers to pick up my stuff from my house and she had had it all pre-packed in trash bags for me ....how nice...As if i didnt exist. Looks like i died and this was the left overs. Of course there are some pictures of us together that were just tossed in the mix. Terrible how i have a picutre of what seemed like yesterday that our little girl was a newborn and my amazing wife looking at the camera with that smile that kills me. So anyway ill stop talking here what do you all think.. i would love to have her in my life again but honestly dont know how hard that would be to forgive her for damn near putting me in jail and not caring about it once. See i wouldnt be able to do it. I would of droped charges and wanted to reconcile. Should i move on an forget about her but how and what about my daughter i dont want this life for her....how do i make my wife understand while im on a protection order. thanks for reading any help would be great.
reboot Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Get a lawyer. Fight for custody. You'd be surprised how many men get it when they fight for it.
Simon Attwood Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Get a lawyer. Fight for custody. You'd be surprised how many men get it when they fight for it. And the fact that she has not been able to support her first daughter, will aid your case. I suggest you read a little about NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). She seems, by your description, to have shown quite a few symptoms that would apply.
Author sierra60 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Well i do have a laywer good guy but hes got alot of stories so yeah he cost alot of time..lol Anyway my problem here is i still love this girl cuz i was forced to leave and never got to the point where i was able to give up. Honestly i would of liked to work things out...we had in the past this is the first big fight ever in the relationship. In the past she would do anything for me and the same for me but now im being force to say nothing cuz of the law being in the middle. I hate to admit and say but im sure thers someone else...kinda weird that a woman that had just had a baby and just got married would give it all up for something else. But i dont want to accuse her dont know yet but i have a feeling this will all come to surface real soon.
reboot Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Worry about reconciliation after you've taken steps to protect yourself and your daughter.
LisaUk Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 There could be many reasons for your wife's behaviour, NPD, commitment phobia (she just got married, some CP's freak at this point, some when they have a child, ring any bells?) But what matters now is that you get your protection order revocked so that you can have the record set striaght and fight for custody of your daughter. The fact that she has all but abandoned her other child and wants a divorce only 3 months after marrying you will not be in her favour. You need to see your lawyer and get a hearing about your the protection order set up in court. I don't know how the law works in the US but here in the UK you can't get an injunction without evidence of harrassment on two seperate occasions. I am amazed that your wife obtained one without evidence of your conduct? In essence you should be able to rebutt this assumption and get the order removed. If you get no joy with your current lawyer, find a different one, the fact he "has a lot of stories and so cost a lot" does not sit well with me (I'm a law student) and we are taught to keep things brief and to the point in the interests of the client.
Author sierra60 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 well i am looking into another lawyer but ive already put lots of money into this case. To me i would think this is a no brainer, and if i were her i would of never took this to this level because of the amount of damage this would do to one or both of us. If she realy cared she wouldnt of done this. It sux becuase i want to fix things thats what i do but the law is preventing me to fix things. Its like splinters in my head, i loose sleep over this and cant stop thinking about how to fix it. If i belive that she has changed so much that she dont seem to know what is happening to me how can i tell her...or let her know that its worth fixing. See right now she's just doing her thing not worried one bit about what this is going to turn out like...she just wants to sit back and smile to think this was the easiest marriage to get out of ever. But what about our daughter and her other daughter...how many guys are going to go throught there life? As you can see im killing myself with questions here but i cant be wrong if its this clear to me. Im not the perfect guy and would love to fix whatever i was doing wrong just didnt get the chace.I am the most dependable, loyal, caring, snuggle under the covers guy youll ever meet...(i know sounds lame) But i would be lying if i wernt. I also am new at this whole dad thing...ive only been a dad for about 18months and been trying hard at it, just now my wife wants me out of my daughters life for no reason. I would understand if i was at the football game everynight, or beat her all the time, or just an ass most of the time. Its just not me, so i guess everyone here is right get to the lawyer and fix things but in the end im loosing something. Ive already lost my house, and my wife, and now its looking hard to keep my daughter. All of this has nothing to do with my father capibilitys...its just that she didnt want me in the house anymore. "its like a big dog in a small yard everywhere you go you step in crap" (sierra60)
LisaUk Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Hi Even if the protection order were not in place, there is no talking to your wife to fix this, doing so just pushes them further away. Take it from one who begged, pleaded, asked why, offered to do anything just for a chance to work on it. It's only natural you want to try an fix things, but unless she is willing you cannot do it alone. Her behaviour had shown she is less than willing. You need to pull a 180, that is the only hope and even then it does not always work. You need to get the protection order revocked, not so you can try and reslove things with your w but so you can protect your daughter from this women, I know I only have your side of the story, but this women does not sound like a fit mother?
Author sierra60 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Posted January 21, 2010 Thanks for the replys all, Whats weird about all of this is that it seems that my wife has dismissed us being together at all, i had just ran into her best friend the other night and first thing she ask me is "is the wife home"? im like "are you kidding", you know we split up right?". My wife even just dismissed her previous life all together friends and everthing. Her friend said i love your wife but its real f#.up what shes doing to you. Im kinda worried dont know if i should talk to her...although it seems as if she pushed her away as well....but she wants me to call her. Again dont know what im going to get out of this. I just want to know what to do, my feelings are still left in idle mode aka limbo but theres a part of me that knows i need to just pack up and move on like she did and get my daughter with me so she has someone with a sound mind to raise her. Not that i dont think my wife is capable its just that no one does this sort of thing unless their head is messed up.
bestplayer Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Thanks for the replys all, Whats weird about all of this is that it seems that my wife has dismissed us being together at all, i had just ran into her best friend the other night and first thing she ask me is "is the wife home"? im like "are you kidding", you know we split up right?". My wife even just dismissed her previous life all together friends and everthing. Her friend said i love your wife but its real f#.up what shes doing to you. Im kinda worried dont know if i should talk to her...although it seems as if she pushed her away as well....but she wants me to call her. Again dont know what im going to get out of this. I just want to know what to do, my feelings are still left in idle mode aka limbo but theres a part of me that knows i need to just pack up and move on like she did and get my daughter with me so she has someone with a sound mind to raise her. Not that i dont think my wife is capable its just that no one does this sort of thing unless their head is messed up. u need to meet her for once , say what ever u want without any barrier so that u dont have anything left in ur heart & dump her for good
Simon Attwood Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 Your wife has things to work out, and in her current primitive state of mind almost anything you say and do will be perceived as a threat and it would take a very skillful person to be able to weave and dodge through the obstacles and abuse she will throw in your way if you try and in any way get close to her.
tnttim Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 The state is giving you the power to stay no contact, and that's what you need to do. It works for a D and a reconciliation, so you must stay NC with her. You need to file for custody rights right now, this minute, get your a*s off of this computer. Your child is way more important than your M or D. Your child will be with you for the rest of your life, your wife too unfortunatelly. We can help you later, but now your child is your number 1 priority.
LisaUk Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 u need to meet her for once , say what ever u want without any barrier so that u dont have anything left in ur heart & dump her for good I'm a law student, do not do this, you will be in contempt of court (or US equiverlant, pretty sure it's similar law, an injunction is there to keep you away, so don't break it the reprecussions could effect the rest of your life, like I said I am a student, check with your lawyer for sure), it's a criminal offence carries a jail term, you can kiss goodbye to your daughter for good if this happens! The state is giving you the power to stay no contact, and that's what you need to do. It works for a D and a reconciliation, so you must stay NC with her. You need to file for custody rights right now, this minute, get your a*s off of this computer. Your child is way more important than your M or D. Your child will be with you for the rest of your life, your wife too unfortunatelly. We can help you later, but now your child is your number 1 priority. I would think that the protection order needs to be addressed and removed as a matter of priority, b/c otherwise when you apply for custody, it may prejudice against you.
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