Vintage79 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Ok, this is a bit odd - I ran into some one I dated about two months ago. Well, I don't really know if "dated" is the correct term, as we went on about 5-6 dates and then just kind of stopped seeing each other, no contact (I don't remember who was the one that first stopped responding) - you know how things work. At that time I was pretty new to the dating scene (after taking a reasonable break after breaking it off with my ex), so I was dating a lot of people, which may have been problematic in really getting to know some one, not to mention being way out of practice (I definitely know I missed a lot of opportunities with her). Anyhow, ran into her this afternoon and we chatted for about 5-10 minutes - things seemed pretty good, reasonable chemistry, etcetera, just like I essentially remember things on the 5-6 dates. Would it be odd to ask her out again after the few months, given that we just kind of drifted apart - I don't think there was a real catalyst for the split, but maybe there was from her perspective. Or should I just let things be, and forget about it as it didn't work out last time, so why would it this time? I definitely remember liking this girl - just trying figure out if this type of situation is common, and if it is, what people typically do.
alphamale Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Would it be odd to ask her out again after the few months, given that we just kind of drifted apart - yes it would
Author Vintage79 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Thanks for your perspective - why do you thinkl it would be weird (I'm not saying that it wouldn't be, just curious about your reasoning)?
GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 It would be weird since nobody on either end contacted each other. It means neither of you were interested...No harm done. Don't ask her out...She may come up with an excuse:( But Hey~~~Why should you care....? You didn't like her enough the first time anyway.
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Just because you're not sure what it is, there is a reason you two didn't continue dating.
ella23 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Well, if you think something might develop, ask her out. Where's the harm?
Author Vintage79 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I honestly have no idea what I'll do. Chatting with her made me wonder why we stopped seeing each other, and she seemed a bit more friendly than a typical person you bump into and chat with for a few minutes, if anything she was even mildly flirty.
GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 If you noticed flirtation, then ask her out....What's the big deal? She will either say yes or no.....Or like I said above...come up with some lame excuse. LOL.... You seem to want to ask her out~~ I was just stating my thoughts on why either of you never called.
ella23 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 You sound like you do want to ask her out. Don't think about it so much, just do it. Like I said, where's the harm?
Author Vintage79 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I kind of what to ask her out again, but I don't want to be "that guy", stalker-esque, or anything else of that sort, which is why was wondering how it would be perceived.
Goodin Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Ok, this is a bit odd - I ran into some one I dated about two months ago. Well, I don't really know if "dated" is the correct term, as we went on about 5-6 dates and then just kind of stopped seeing each other, no contact (I don't remember who was the one that first stopped responding) - you know how things work. At that time I was pretty new to the dating scene (after taking a reasonable break after breaking it off with my ex), so I was dating a lot of people, which may have been problematic in really getting to know some one, not to mention being way out of practice (I definitely know I missed a lot of opportunities with her). Anyhow, ran into her this afternoon and we chatted for about 5-10 minutes - things seemed pretty good, reasonable chemistry, etcetera, just like I essentially remember things on the 5-6 dates. Would it be odd to ask her out again after the few months, given that we just kind of drifted apart - I don't think there was a real catalyst for the split, but maybe there was from her perspective. Or should I just let things be, and forget about it as it didn't work out last time, so why would it this time? I definitely remember liking this girl - just trying figure out if this type of situation is common, and if it is, what people typically do. No way man, go for it! It's worth a try at least. But I am curious...why do you think you guys stopped seeing each other? Maybe the chemisty wasn't really there? Things can change though.
GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 LoL...it would only be perceived as stalkerish (hehe) if you ask her out and she says no and then you continue until you appear to be psycho..... I would say if you just ask her out once, you would not appear as stalker material. You are FUNNY!!!
ella23 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I kind of what to ask her out again, but I don't want to be "that guy", stalker-esque, or anything else of that sort, which is why was wondering how it would be perceived. I personally don't think it will make you look like a stalker at all.
Author Vintage79 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 No way man, go for it! It's worth a try at least. But I am curious...why do you think you guys stopped seeing each other? Maybe the chemisty wasn't really there? Things can change though. I'm not entirely sure why we stopped seeing each other. When I went out with her I was definitely going out with several other people as well - maybe she needed a bit more attention, maybe I wasn't as aggressive as I could/should have been because I was dating all the other people, maybe I said something that was a deal breaker, got friendzoned, maybe she contacted me last and I forgot she had contacted me so I didn't respond (another problem when dating several people), maybe something clicked in her head that said, "I don't want to date this guy" - I honestly don't have any idea. Given the fact, though, that she was mildly flirty made me wonder...
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Vintage, I am in a similar situation and don't have good advice.... read my new thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t217953/
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I wouldn't think you were stalker-ish; however there's a really good chance I would think you were a douchebag. Really comes down to what exactly happened. Go ahead and give it a shot if you want. I do think that 5 or 6 dates is enough to tell one way or the other about someone sooooo.....
Author Vintage79 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Vintage, I am in a similar situation and don't have good advice.... read my new thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t217953/ Defintely similar - although the 5 years versus 2 months definitely makes things a bit different. But the "why we stopped seeing each other" question is definitely present, as is the mild flirtation...grrr, people are confusing.
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Defintely similar - although the 5 years versus 2 months definitely makes things a bit different. But the "why we stopped seeing each other" question is definitely present, as is the mild flirtation...grrr, people are confusing. Maybe she was flirting because she felt rejected by you the first time and wants validation. Maybe she was flirting because she's interested. Maybe she was flirting cuz she's a flirt... Who knows. You don't have anything to lose, so just ask her out.
Author Vintage79 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I wouldn't think you were stalker-ish; however there's a really good chance I would think you were a douchebag. Really comes down to what exactly happened. Go ahead and give it a shot if you want. I do think that 5 or 6 dates is enough to tell one way or the other about someone sooooo..... Yeah, the 5-6 dates should be enough to figure things out, which is another reason I'm hesitant (there was likely some reason for cutting it). That said, what would make me seem like a douchebag? Well, actually, what does that mean - other than actually being a bag for holding "douche" liquid?
OnlyJake Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Yeah, the 5-6 dates should be enough to figure things out, which is another reason I'm hesitant (there was likely some reason for cutting it). That said, what would make me seem like a douchebag? Well, actually, what does that mean - other than actually being a bag for holding "douche" liquid? A douchebag is a pretentious, sugar coated prick, but with emphasis on pretentious and sugar coated. And/or An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of others with no sense of how moronic he appears. (Courtesy UrbanDictionary) Like I said, it depends on the reasons you two stopped seeing each other...but let's say for example this happened to me. Let's also suppose that the reason we stopped seeing each was because you either ceased contact/never followed up, or didn't respond to me when I tried to initiate contact. Or you blew off a date/kept rescheduling or something like that. If you then asked me out after running into me 2 months later, I would think you were a douchebag mostly in the sense of you having an over-inflated sense of self-worth; ie thinking I might go out with you again after what happened the first time. Mostly my opinion would depend on how much I liked you (or didn't) the first time we dated, and if I perceived that you had in some way acted badly (whether or not you realized it).
Crazy Magnet Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I don't see any harm in asking this girl out. Worst case scenario, she says no, but at least you will have an answer about your romantic future with her. Do you still have her number? Go on and make the call!
Balthazar Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Vintage, I have a feeling you are leaving stuff out...you say you went on 5-6 dates and then just sort of stopped seeing each other? Who stopped seeing who? Somebody initiated contact and the other didn't reciprocate, right? Who of the two was it? If it was 1 date, I could understand....but 5-6 dates is about 2 weeks worth of dates...that not nothing man! Finally, It has only been 2 months since you two last spoke...how can you not remember stuff?
Author Vintage79 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Hmmm - so I'm leaving something out? Not really intentionally. Lets see - who stopped seing who? Well, that's kind of a two way street - presumably the last time I saw her was also the last time she saw me. Who contact who last? Seriously, I don't remember - I'm tempted to say it was me, largely because she wasn't terribly proactive about contact, but I easily could have missed her message as usually have a phone message backlog and dozens of new e-mails whenever I check. I do know that I didn't really freak out about whoever's turn it was as there were enough other people at that time to keep me busy...hence we just kind of vanished from each others' world. I don't remember the precise details as it was two months ago and I was seeing lots of people at the time...there was a 2-3 week period when I went on 10-12 first dates. The 5-6 dates were scattered over about 1.5 months, not 2 weeks. Went out about once per week, as I was busy and had lots of first dates. As mentioned, I think the number of random people I would see was detrimental to any relationship that could have formed. Regardless of the minimal contact on my part, she kept going out with me - it's possible she just got fed up...no idea.
alphamale Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Thanks for your perspective - why do you thinkl it would be weird (I'm not saying that it wouldn't be, just curious about your reasoning)? if it didn't work the first time why would it work the second?
Recommended Posts