MM dropped a mini bomb

[StarChick]

atl, I'm just throwing this out there, as I really don't know this fella, but if he saw you as pulling away from him in some way, could he be telling a story to try to get you back to the way you were? I mean, is it true or just something to pacify and rectify the situation between the two of you? Does that even make sense? LOL Sorry.

 

Again, I don't know him or how he deals his cards, so if this is completely off-base, I apologize.

[pureinheart]

i don't have too much to offer, but i can relate. my mm is going through the same things, and honestly i never wanted to see him and his family break apart. it saddens me to watch it. i see him go through so many different emotions, from depression, to over sleeping, to pushing me away, to wanting me to talk to. his emotions are all over the place.

 

It's a lot more difficult for the men than people think. Actually it was very easy for me to walk away from my R's, but to this day when my son's dad calls to talk to him he still says he loves me, so do the others, stating they screwed up, whatever.

 

It takes a lot of courage for most men to endure this, as they would be content to a degree staying in a bad M because of the history involved.

 

I went through the entire D with exMM and basically I am his history now according to him....he will say, so we are going to just throw X amount of years away just like that? And then he calls me stubborn.

 

This may not of what YOU wanted, although it is not YOUR fault, there is a reason this man walked. Not saying W was wrong, not saying H was wrong, it simply just did not work for whatever reason.

[pureinheart]

You called yourself a "thief" and if you're still "feel just fine" about that, it says a lot about you as a human being.

 

Hey Focus...haven't seen you around....hummmm, what's your story, you seem to tell other peoples story....

[atlnay]

I will say that alimony is probably not an issue in this case, as they have been married so short a time. Child support would have been even if they had never married. and MANY long term relationships fail shortly after they move from relationships to marriages. Often times because now both parties feel "trapped" when before they knew the option to 'walk away with no legal ties that bind' was there if they chose it. Now that they are married they feel obligated, and they are obligated, LEGALLY... breaking up now involves a lot more than a simple, "I don't want this relationship anymore." The pressure is even higher since I am guessing their "major purchase" was a house or other real property, money is one of the things married couples argue about more than any other problem, and major purchases are times of high stress in even the most solid of marriages.

 

Funny you say that, I never really saw that perspective, which is why I love reading this forums.

 

My cousin & I were talking about a friend of his who got married about 3 years ago. The couple actually married earlier and 6 mos later had the wedding. Within 6 months they were divorced & are no longer together, which struck us all as bizzare. But they are a young couple, no more than 28 now & had no kids, so the sudden final split seemed doable.

Reading what you said about the stresses & what not, make sense.

 

Back in Oct we became friends on fb, he had no choice really, and to *snap* myself out of the fog and because curiosity got the better of me, I went thru ALL the wedding pictures & it was hard. Not just those, he had a few relationship ones up and I knew then I couldn't go on his page again. Back then I got upset, reacted emotionally, he told me the "things aren't what they seem" talk and I didn't probe further.

 

All that to say, to this day, my image of them as a couple, is based on the pictures. There are 2 or 3 that I can still see in my head and I've always projected them to being a young, happy, beautiful couple & family. Plus his personality is really happy & outgoing, social life of the party, everything he does with is friends is an event and while I don't sit at home envisioning their day to day life, for the most part, the idea I have of it is happy go lucky newlyweds. Doesn't jibe with why such a "happy go lucky newlywed hubby" would be in an A, but like I said, I don't think about it too deeply.

 

Do I think what you said applies to him? At this stage too soon to tell, but I can see it applying in the case of the young couple who did in fact divorce after 6 months of M.

[Fallen Angel]

Funny you say that, I never really saw that perspective, which is why I love reading this forums.

 

My cousin & I were talking about a friend of his who got married about 3 years ago. The couple actually married earlier and 6 mos later had the wedding. Within 6 months they were divorced & are no longer together, which struck us all as bizzare. But they are a young couple, no more than 28 now & had no kids, so the sudden final split seemed doable.

Reading what you said about the stresses & what not, make sense.

 

Back in Oct we became friends on fb, he had no choice really, and to *snap* myself out of the fog and because curiosity got the better of me, I went thru ALL the wedding pictures & it was hard. Not just those, he had a few relationship ones up and I knew then I couldn't go on his page again. Back then I got upset, reacted emotionally, he told me the "things aren't what they seem" talk and I didn't probe further.

 

All that to say, to this day, my image of them as a couple, is based on the pictures. There are 2 or 3 that I can still see in my head and I've always projected them to being a young, happy, beautiful couple & family. Plus his personality is really happy & outgoing, social life of the party, everything he does with is friends is an event and while I don't sit at home envisioning their day to day life, for the most part, the idea I have of it is happy go lucky newlyweds. Doesn't jibe with why such a "happy go lucky newlywed hubby" would be in an A, but like I said, I don't think about it too deeply.

 

Do I think what you said applies to him? At this stage too soon to tell, but I can see it applying in the case of the young couple who did in fact divorce after 6 months of M.

 

This part made me actually giggle outloud, simply because I remember my friends thinking that of me and my now ex-H.. lmao.. we were also the life of the party, very social, appeared happy and wonderful, all sunshine and roses and gumdrops.

 

The truth of it was he was cheating, i was miserable, he was drinking and drugging, I was getting beaten, on top of all of that we had financial arguments constantly, and a young baby, who was a wonderful baby, and a gift, but new parenthood is stressful even when everything else is right. Add in the presures of two working parents, a mortgage, the bills, the in-laws, and trying to portray this wonderful happy candyland life... I felt like jumping from the nearest bridge..

 

I can look back on it now and laugh.. especially as i have reached a peace with where I am now... working, renting, and kids that are pretty self suffiecient when need be.. and i can breathe a sigh of relief that i will never be in that crazy place again.

[Fallen Angel]

And just want to say, i am glad I quoted that FOCUS person who decided last night to get a new name and follow me from thread to thread harrassing me, otherwise, i would have looked completely insane, like I was talking to myself.... lmao

 

And Thank You, who ever reported her..

 

I felt attacked, and decided to fight back rather than run this time.. I have run too many times from the conflict in my life. NOT ANYMORE!! *MUWAHHHHHHHHH @ whoever did that for me* !!

[willowfields]

Ty pure. I think your post helps me to understand him better. He's not sleeping properly. I asked him how he is today and he said so so. It's heart breakiing to watch.

[atlnay]

personal pet peeve of my own to read a thread with lots of drama and get no resolution...lol...so here's an update for those who have a similar pet peeve

 

Last i posted, i talked to him on Sunday & got the news that he was 'done' with his M. I sent him 2 emails via fb basically telling him to fix what's wrong, he didn't really want to leave and just hang in there blah blah blah. no reply.

 

Monday. call him at work. no answers. Called about 4-5 times, finally sent him a text (something i NEVER do first) to see if he was ok, dawned on me he may not have even gone to work. Sent one last fb msg, a 1 liner saying I wasn't going to smother him, giving him time & space and just call me whenever.

 

then i turned off the phone and stayed off fb for a few days, busied myself with projects and friends and just let him go.

 

Thursday. got on fb, he sent a few emails, left more than a few vmails asking me to call him. All the messages were asking where i was, he really needed me blah blah blah.

 

I asked if things were ok now, he replied, it is what it is. i asked 2 different ways, same reply. He said we'll talk later.

 

Then spent most of the time asking me if I had a new boyfriend, where was I the last few days, he can't believe I wasn't around. lol & *sigh*

 

He missed me so much and really really wants to see me. I halfjokingly told him come over friday night, he hemmed a bit, which answered the unanswered question and we made a bit more small talk before hanging up.

 

Talking it all back over with my male friend, we really think it was an emotional ploy. I don't doubt him & his W had an issues, maybe it got big or not, but I think he exaggerated a bit to suck me back in, and it sort of worked.

 

The friend side of me was so concerned but I still have no desire to get sucked back in emotionally. He made a few comments about how I don't "love" him anymore and I'm being different, as if we didn't have this conversation about me cutting off the EA exactly a week ago before the mini bomb was dropped.

 

It derailed me a bit this week, getting sucked back in. If this was truly a stunt, I didn't see it coming, but nothing on my end has changed. And it's funny he said something similar when i asked how were things. After the is what it is comment, he said nothing between me & him has changed. So that's where I'll leave it.

 

Next time I see him, I'll let him know as long as we continue, I don't want to hear about the fights & problems. If he is ever truly done, he can let me know that when he's at the courthouse, anything less than that is a waste of air & is a bit of a turn off to me.