Armani Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 basically my ex broke up with me after 3 years as he had fallen for another girl. our relationship was mostly good and didnt really understand how or why he would choose to throw everything away for a younger girl who is uni miles away. we got back together and split up again 3 times all due to his feelings for this girl. Now he is in a relationship with her, yet last week he was phoning me telling me how much he missed me and how his new relationship didnt compare to what we had. i told him that he had made his choice and at the moment there was not much i wanted from him, and that was how we left things. the problem is i miss him unbelievably despite how used and cheated i feel after him choosing her over me!!! i really dont understand why he would tell me he still has all these feelings for me yet enter into another relationship. An it hurts so bad just thinking that his new gf has everything that i always wanted with him i would love to be back with him but this clearly doesnt seem to be the case anymore in his eyes!
teanoranges Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 This is such a crappy situation for you, I know. Hang in there and keep your head up.
Untamed21 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I am so sorry, my dear. He seems to want both you and his new girlfriend, which is completely unfair...on you more than her. Please stop talking to this person. He doesn't deserve someone like you. You have showed a lot of faith in him, which goes to show that your love is pure and genuine. You are worthy of a lot better than him. These feelings are so painful...but they will pass. I promise you they will. Take care of yourself.
dreamer84 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 you did the right thing...tell him you made your bed now lie in it...and NC him...i know its easier say than done but it seems to fit in this situation
Author Armani Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 im 21 he is 23, i know we are both young but it doesnt change the fact that everytime i hear about him an his new girl its like another punch in the stomach
Lishy Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 If you want him back, just ignore him totally. He would not be telling you he misses you if he didnt so let him miss you more. Sometimes we dont know what he had until we lose it and if you are still talking to him he will not get an opportunity to miss you. Ignore all texts, calls and smoke signals and let him think you dont care Thats my advice to you
Template Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 im 21 he is 23, i know we are both young but it doesnt change the fact that everytime i hear about him an his new girl its like another punch in the stomach So if you cut yourself, and you feel pain, and bleed, how many more times are you going to cut yourself before you stop. <-Rhetorical of course. There are so many dysfunctions with this I don't know where to begin. First things first, STOP contacting him. Everytime that you do, you wind up getting hurt. Even if you've never contacted him, you will find out how the relationship is going by other means, friends, family, word on the street etc. These you cannot control. Directly being in contact with him, you CAN. Secondly, probably the reason you are still in contact, is because you, or him, or both, think you can still be friends. Just by your post alone, YOU GUYS CANNOT BE FRIENDS. Friends don't hurt friends. Friends don't lead other friends on. HE moved on, and so should you. Why should he try to get you back, he still has you, and he still has his gf. He KNOWS that if his new gf doesn't work out, you are his 2nd option. He KNOWS that if his new gf doesn't have the traits that you posses, he can just tap you for it. Ask yourself, what makes this guy so special that you'd be willing to put up with all of this. Is he that good looking? That rich? That funny? That charming? etc. Maybe, but there are literally thousands of guys in the world that can match or exceed him. You want to get back at him, just live your life to the full extent that you can. Like you said, you are both still very young in your lives. This is a time for great self discovery. Discover yourself, as really, you are still coming into your own as a person, and discover the world. You'll find the world isn't your xbf.
Beeotch Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 basically my ex broke up with me after 3 years as he had fallen for another girl. our relationship was mostly good and didnt really understand how or why he would choose to throw everything away for a younger girl who is uni miles away. we got back together and split up again 3 times all due to his feelings for this girl. Now he is in a relationship with her, yet last week he was phoning me telling me how much he missed me and how his new relationship didnt compare to what we had. i told him that he had made his choice and at the moment there was not much i wanted from him, and that was how we left things. the problem is i miss him unbelievably despite how used and cheated i feel after him choosing her over me!!! i really dont understand why he would tell me he still has all these feelings for me yet enter into another relationship. An it hurts so bad just thinking that his new gf has everything that i always wanted with him i would love to be back with him but this clearly doesnt seem to be the case anymore in his eyes! Sadly, feelings don't work off of logic and often times you have to put your foot down as emotionally hard as it is. If someone cheats on you or hurts you, even if they physically abuse you, it does not magically make the feelings disappear. That is the hard thing....you still are emotionally attached to that person despite knowing the reality. So you have to make the decision you KNOW makes sense, despite your feelings, and most often with time your emotions catch up. Please stick to your resolution. I don't know what is going on in your ex's mind, neither do you it seems, so I would continue to move on with my life keeping hold of my standards. It is haaard no doubt to see him with another woman, but believe me, I went through it too. When you stick to your resolution and leave your ex to his own devices, eventually you start feeling better and stronger within yourself. But going off of every emotion and missing the person, is a sure way to disaster esp when they are making NO effort. Please be selfish and focus on yourself.
Author Armani Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 template, thanks for the good advice, in my head i already knew what i should do to move on but obviously in reality its a lot harder to put these into practice. when i actually look at him i can see tat hes not the most gorgeous boy in the world, he is not rich, and he does have anger issues that have intimidated me altho hes never been physically agressive. but i over-ride these bad qualities with the good qualities such as his sense of humour, the social side that i enjoy when im with him and that we got on so well. i guess the only way is to focus on where im going with my career after i graduate this year. im just scared of us both walking out of each others lives for ever! yet this would probably be for the best!
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