alphamale Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Actually, I think he is more clingy than I am because he initiates most of the texts throughout the day. that has no significance...a trained monkey could "initiate texts"
Enema Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Good advice...for the future! I already reached out to him with a text so anymore reaching out on my part would seem psycho to him I think. If we are going to talk again, he would have to reach out first at this point. I agree with this. You've already sent an apology text - any more contact and he'll place you firmly in the "psycho" camp.
Author Orchid8 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Ok..after giving it more thought and talking it over with my friend, I really think this guy played me. Here's more detail. Within the two weeks we've been in constant communication, we've gone on 4 dates and I felt comfortable enough with him to go that extra step..so yea... we were intimate on the 4th date (which happened 5 days ago). I have never been the type to do BC or FWB, always been a relationship type of girl and this is the first time I gave it up so soon. Anyway, he was still texting and calling me every day since then and making plans to be with me. Which we agreed we would on Saturday and that's when the flakiness kicked in on his part. So here is a question for the guys- If you were only after sex and got it, why would you bother continuing the constant communication and planning future dates? Why not be upfront and just stop all communication and be done after it happened? Why wait to make plans and then flake?
melodymatters Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Every one is concentrating on the chase/don't chase factor, but the bottom line is : If someone made plans for sat. and I adjusted my day accordingly,....and he flakes, we reschedule for the next day.....and he flakes... ( no one's in a hospital or anything) I would NOT reserve monday, and though I prob wouldn't have made a relationship-y issue about it, I WOULD have been totally over this guy ! Who knows if it was having sex on date #4, there IS no formula for this as much as people wish it were so. All you can do is deal with the reality and actions in front of you, and it does sound like this guy isn't into you enough ( and, is a flake) so..... NEXT !!!
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Every one is concentrating on the chase/don't chase factor, but the bottom line is : If someone made plans for sat. and I adjusted my day accordingly,....and he flakes, we reschedule for the next day.....and he flakes... ( no one's in a hospital or anything) I would NOT reserve monday, and though I prob wouldn't have made a relationship-y issue about it, I WOULD have been totally over this guy ! Who knows if it was having sex on date #4, there IS no formula for this as much as people wish it were so. All you can do is deal with the reality and actions in front of you, and it does sound like this guy isn't into you enough ( and, is a flake) so..... NEXT !!! YES! Thank you. This is exactly what I was thinking and I had a look of pure horror on my face at the advice you were getting in this thread. No, don't freaking apologize. Be done with the dude. Lame.
Chicago_Guy Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 So it's been two weeks since we've been dating, talking and texting every night. This past weekend, we were supposed to get together but he flaked on Saturday and wanted to hang out Sunday instead. So today, I get a text message from him saying he can't make it today and that he's totally available on Monday because he has to drive to San Diego to look at properties for his dad. Anyway, I told him maybe it isn't going to work out if we never have time for each other and to take care. Am I overeacting and do I have a right to be upset? Am I just coming on too strong when I told him I hate flakes and that I respect people's time and want the same? I like this guy and I don't want to lose him because I want to see where this goes. Is it too late to get him back? I was being irrational and emotional and I'm afraid it might be too late to get him back. What should I do? Does he need time? Or should I just apologize? Please help..I am going crazy here. I don't think you did anything wrong here. He flaked on you twice and you should be annoyed. It seems as though he only flaked on you after you had sex with him, so that is probably all he wanted.
Author Orchid8 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Thank you! I needed to hear this. This guy is a JERK and I can't believe I fell for the things he said. I should have known better. It goes to show you can't trust people so easily these days...which is sad. Well, I'm just glad I was able to put all the pieces together and realize what a dirtbag he is. I don't care if he does decide to reach out (which I hope he does) because he will just be another useless human being in my life and will be ignored and blocked. What an a*hole!!
GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Thank you! I needed to hear this. This guy is a JERK and I can't believe I fell for the things he said. I should have known better. It goes to show you can't trust people so easily these days...which is sad. Well, I'm just glad I was able to put all the pieces together and realize what a dirtbag he is. I don't care if he does decide to reach out (which I hope he does) because he will just be another useless human being in my life and will be ignored and blocked. What an a*hole!! You preach it sister!!!
You'reasian Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Anyway, he was still texting and calling me every day since then and making plans to be with me. Which we agreed we would on Saturday and that's when the flakiness kicked in on his part. So here is a question for the guys- If you were only after sex and got it, why would you bother continuing the constant communication and planning future dates? Why not be upfront and just stop all communication and be done after it happened? Why wait to make plans and then flake? Call the guy up. Talk to him either on phone or face to face. Ask him directly why he's being flaky? If he can't handle that - he's flaky.
meerkat stew Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Every one is concentrating on the chase/don't chase factor, but the bottom line is : If someone made plans for sat. and I adjusted my day accordingly,....and he flakes, we reschedule for the next day.....and he flakes... ( no one's in a hospital or anything) I would NOT reserve monday, and though I prob wouldn't have made a relationship-y issue about it, I WOULD have been totally over this guy ! Agree with this, and also that once he got you in bed things cooled way too much. Any further contact with this guy is going to have him setting you up as a booty call, nothing more. Just move on.
Author Orchid8 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Yah, I wrote him off that day. He hasn't reached out either which is fine with me. I wasn't holding my breath waiting.
juan1212 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Hey Orchid! Im kinda going threw the same thing.. If you read my story its basically about a flaky women that kept canceling and stringing me along. Im to the point where I want her to contact me so I can ignore it. Do you feel the same way?
Author Orchid8 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Hey Juan.. I felt that way in the first few days after that happened because I was angry but I've totally over it now. I don't care if he calls. Hopefully you will reach that point where you don't care if she does, it's just silly to play control games. Ya know?!
juan1212 Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Well thats great your over it.. I wish I could say the same thing.. I want her to call or text but only for selfish reasons which is pretty inmature on my part.. Im sure Ill be over it eventually and not care.. I just dont understand why she had to play mind games. I never lead someone on, ive always been honest with women in my past. Why cant people just honest and say they are not interested?
Author Orchid8 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 Well thats great your over it.. I wish I could say the same thing.. I want her to call or text but only for selfish reasons which is pretty inmature on my part.. Im sure Ill be over it eventually and not care.. I just dont understand why she had to play mind games. I never lead someone on, ive always been honest with women in my past. Why cant people just honest and say they are not interested? Yah, I know what you mean. It's really sad that more people can't be honest and upfront. Dating is so complicated, I don't know how anyone can do it successfully these days..
alphamale Posted January 23, 2010 Posted January 23, 2010 Yah, I know what you mean. It's really sad that more people can't be honest and upfront. a lot of people really don't want to hear the truth
Author Orchid8 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) Orchid if your avatar is a picture of you then the guy who flaked on your is a big time loser. Thanks! When this all happened, I totally agree with you that he was a big time loser, jerk, A-hole, or whatever. But now that I am able to see things more clearly (a week later), I know I am partly to blame for him wanting to be flaky. It may have been because we had sex but he wasn't withdrawn...if anything, HE got needier after sex and I was still myself. He kept texting/calling more and always asking what I was up to and what I did the night before. Meanwhile, I played it cool because I didn't want to come across as the crazy needy type of girl. I should have reciprocated his feelings but didn't, which is (I'm sure) why he starte withdrawing. Oh well...lesson learned. Edited January 23, 2010 by Orchid8
juan1212 Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Yah, I know what you mean. It's really sad that more people can't be honest and upfront. Dating is so complicated, I don't know how anyone can do it successfully these days.. Yup your right.. If she was honest with me I would still feel bad but at least I would have know how she felt.. She left me wondering and strung me along for over a month. I understand rejection is part of this crazy dating world. Ive done it and felt bad but never led anyone on. Im a good person and treat others with respect including her the whole time we talked. For her to just stop talking to me is plain rude and disrespectful. Yeah dating is very complicated I guess you have to wait and weed out all the bad ones before you find the good ones..
Itzo Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 So it's been two weeks since we've been dating, talking and texting every night. This past weekend, we were supposed to get together but he flaked on Saturday and wanted to hang out Sunday instead. So today, I get a text message from him saying he can't make it today and that he's totally available on Monday because he has to drive to San Diego to look at properties for his dad. Anyway, I told him maybe it isn't going to work out if we never have time for each other and to take care. Am I overeacting and do I have a right to be upset? Am I just coming on too strong when I told him I hate flakes and that I respect people's time and want the same? I like this guy and I don't want to lose him because I want to see where this goes. Is it too late to get him back? I was being irrational and emotional and I'm afraid it might be too late to get him back. What should I do? Does he need time? Or should I just apologize? Please help..I am going crazy here. That's a very interesting situation! Thanks for sharing. Of course you did that because it bothered you If he postpones his meetings, it usually means that he's disorganized or disrespectful. I can only guess here ... I think you was testing him subconsciously to see how attracted he was to you. I think you did a great job by doing this a little test, even though you might not know it. You do not know this man very well, so perhaps he got insecured about himself, because of so many postpones &/plus your reaction to them. In any case, I do not think he's going to call back If this is the case, then it is not worth it contacting him. But, surprisingly, if he calls back ... then he pass your test & you may move on with him to the next possible or appropriate level Do you know what I am saying?
You'reasian Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Thanks! When this all happened, I totally agree with you that he was a big time loser, jerk, A-hole, or whatever. But now that I am able to see things more clearly (a week later), I know I am partly to blame for him wanting to be flaky. It may have been because we had sex but he wasn't withdrawn...if anything, HE got needier after sex and I was still myself. He kept texting/calling more and always asking what I was up to and what I did the night before. Meanwhile, I played it cool because I didn't want to come across as the crazy needy type of girl. I should have reciprocated his feelings but didn't, which is (I'm sure) why he starte withdrawing. Oh well...lesson learned. Maybe you just weren't into him in that way? If you mistreat a guy and he's got a backbone, you can't expect a warm reception.
Author Orchid8 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Posted January 26, 2010 Maybe you just weren't into him in that way? If you mistreat a guy and he's got a backbone, you can't expect a warm reception. No, I was totally into him. I don't think I mistreated him, I think he was peeved by that point and was done. I apologized to him for overreacting but the man has made his decision to move on so oh well. It's strange that I'm still pining for him even though I know it's done. I'm sure it's because of how things ended.
Author Orchid8 Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 Just when I finally am over it...... guess who texted me out of the blue? Isn't it interesting how a person can sense when the other person is finally moving on and decides to try and reel 'em in again?!
meerkat stew Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 Just when I finally am over it...... guess who texted me out of the blue? Isn't it interesting how a person can sense when the other person is finally moving on and decides to try and reel 'em in again?! It's good to be an inoculated fish when they try to reel in again. Odds are he is "booty fishing," but yes, what did he say in the text?
Recommended Posts