horrorgirl Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I and my bf currently live together. He has loved more more than any other man that I have ever dated. Deep down, my bf is a very good, caring, and loving man. We have lived together for a year, and he has been going through a lot of difficulties with his family, (illness, divorce, death, etc.) and a lot of hardships. Severe, severe, hardships. He is very caring towards me and very loving and affectionate, but, well, the intimacy hasn't happened in months, except for a brief encounter. When I try to talk about it to my bf, he gets upset and doesn't want to talk about it. Part of me feels that it is me, and that he just isn't attracted to me anymore, but still loves me. We have also had numerous arguments about money. His family asks a lot from him, and that has left him unable to help our household at times. He is very supportive of me, and seems to really want me to be happy. he has said that he plans to move out, as he needs his own space. Our place is small, so I understand. He is really unhappy with how his life is right now, and I am not sure what I can do to change that. I want him to be happy, but I also want to be in love and heading towards marriage and making babies. He has so many difficulties going on right now, that I think starting a family is a few years away for him. I just don't know what to do. I feel like we love each other, but that maybe we both realize that marriage isn't in our future. I am torn because sometimes he seems he wants to go that route with me, and other times he doesn't seem like he does. I admit, that if he asked me, even though I am not sure if we would be a great couple, I think that I would say yes to marriage. Not sure what to do. bf is going through so much right now, that i cannot ask him to leave, and I really dont want him to, though i do want some behaviors to change, but not sure they will.
Author horrorgirl Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 It may not be right, but I also feel like since he has been through so much, I don't want to make things harder for him. I want to help him get back on his feet and that he is happy. I sometimes worry that because I want certain things in a relationship, that he may deserve someone better than me who won't ask him for things that he isn't really. And I am afraid of trying to jump back into the dating pool...I feel like I have too many problems to be a good person to date for the first time.
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 And I am afraid of trying to jump back into the dating pool...I feel like I have too many problems to be a good person to date for the first time. you cant use this as a reason to stay together......believe me...
Author horrorgirl Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 you cant use this as a reason to stay together......believe me... I know. It is just that I am not sure where our relationship is going, and I feel like if it doesn't work out, then I am not sure I have the ability to find the right person for me. I also feel like my bf and I are so connected emotionally, just not mentally in terms of interests, opinions, etc.
lordWilhelm Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 It seems to me like he's already starting to move away from you. Lack of intimacy for months is definitely a sign that he's checking out from the relationship, and now he's moving out too... You can't stay in a relationship that doesn't feel right just because you're afraid of going through the process again.
MSUE Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 HG if ur bf loves u oh so much ...why is he not interested in intimacy w you? months wout? RED FLAG...he is moving out cause he needs his own space? cause the apt u share is too small? then why not look for a bigger place together? I understand hardship all too well...but if the true love and companionship is there it brings couples closer not further...I think u r a bit blinded here...his love for u doesnt seem to be what u think it is...and I think the best thing would be to stay away from M and kids rw him right now...there are way too many red flags and M and kids will only complicate things for u and him both at this time
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