blahh12 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 So i have been seeing this guy since around thanksgiving. We used to work together a few years ago, and out of the blue one day he sends me an im on facebook, we end up talking for hours, and he asks me out to get a drink. From then on we have been seeing eachother on average once a week(we attend different colleges), we text back and forth all day most days, he calls me on occasion, we go out to dinner and i have gone out with him and his friends and he always insists on paying for me. I have spent the night at his house, hooked up a few times, (not sex but pretty much everything but), and he allows me to stay there by myself and sleep until im ready to get up if he has to work early in the morning. The problem is, this guy has not mentioned anything about commitment, liking me, or asked me to be his girlfriend. The one time I broached the subject, he told me he was interested in me, but felt like we had only been talking for a month and he wanted to take his time and get to know me. One of the first times we talked, he mentioned that he hasn't had a girlfriend in over 2 years and wants one, he has been on dates but nothing has ever worked out, and he has gotten too picky. So im feeling like maybe hes a commitment phobe. So I guess my question is, if he hasn't asked for a commitment by now, will he ever? I'm looking for more of a relationship at this point in my life, not a booty call/fwb, and I don't want to be the girl he just keeps around and then drops when he finds someone better. Where should I go from here, just ignore him and hope he gets the hint? Talk to him about it again to see where it is going? I dont want to scare him, but at the same time, I cant wait forever.
OnlyJake Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Rather than focusing on how to "get" him, I think you should evaluate what you want, and then do that. Do you want to stop talking him? Do you want to continue being his FWB? Etc.
O'Malley Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I'm looking for more of a relationship at this point in my life, not a booty call/fwb, and I don't want to be the girl he just keeps around and then drops when he finds someone better. "I would like to pursue a relationship with you and see where it goes. Do you agree?" Anything other than a 'yes' means that you should move on.
Satisfaction Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Well, he could be playing you. Guys who do this tend to have a long term, long distance girlfriend somewhere. Who knows. If you are not getting what you want you should cut it off or you could opt to stay and try not to get attached but I find that is impossible to do unless you find them repulsive, are extremely busy, are emotionally disturbed or if you have several other guys on the go at the same time.
Ilovehim Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 first thing DO NOT LISTEN TO ANYBODY because you know what at the end of the day we're all different...i cant stand people who feel as though they can give you an answer without even knowing the person.. i waited 10 months before making it official with my ex. he wanted to be in a relationship within the first 3 months. did i like him? yes alot. however i wanted to take my time in getting to know him and all that stuff. look there are many reasons why someone may not want a commitmment right away. it's up to you to decide how long you would like to wait. you know what i mean? i cant tell you whether this guy likes you or is simply using you...because there are cases where one can be a truly genuine good person but simply has things going on at the time and cant be in a relationship (this has been the case with me a few times where i have made guys wait, not because i didnt like them but because there were unsettled things in my life)..or he could be just not wanting to be with you etc etc...there are many things to why could be the reason..but nobody can tell you how he feels or what you should do...so instead of asking people here, you should ahve an open-heart convo with him...personally there is no way i would be in a relationshipw ith someone who i met on thansgiving...it hasnt even been 2 months yet...what i would do if i was in your shoes would be wait a little so I could get to know the guy better...i would wait 6 months, not have sex with him, just kiss and hang out more often, talk on the phone..however i would be doing this for ME..so I could see what he's all about..if i realize he's worth being my man, i would have a very oprn convo about how i feel and what i want also about how he feels by that point..and if we're not on the same page, i would decide to let it go. just think about it and dont pay too much attention to others opinions...its all about what YOU want.
Author blahh12 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 Thanks to all who responded. So I talked to him and told him I wasn't interested in a fwb relationship and we probably shouldn't see eachother anymore. His response " Well, then, so be it. I wish it could be more but I dont think our current situation ( living an hour away from eachother and him never having a day off between work and school) would allow it." So yeah, im not sure if hes full of crap and is making up excuses or is actually being honest with me, either way, thats my signal to move on. Sucks.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Thanks to all who responded. So I talked to him and told him I wasn't interested in a fwb relationship and we probably shouldn't see eachother anymore. His response " Well, then, so be it. I wish it could be more but I dont think our current situation ( living an hour away from eachother and him never having a day off between work and school) would allow it." So yeah, im not sure if hes full of crap and is making up excuses or is actually being honest with me, either way, thats my signal to move on. Sucks. Don't feel sad. I always believe in the fact that if they want you in their life, they wouldn't ever think about stalling. Now be happy and find someone who wants the same things you do.
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