mimidarlin Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 My husband I are getting a legal separation. We physically separated right before the holidays. We're in counseling and I am seeking reconciliation. He had an affair but checked out emotionally about a year ago. Anyway, the situation with the lawyer. We have discussed asset and debt settlement issues between ourselves. He is paying the bills though he doesn't reside in the house. He is considering taking out a business loan as well. I am having the legal separation agreement filed in order to protect my financial interests. We've both agreed that we don't want this to get ugly and expensive financially. We plan to go to a mediator if we proceed with divorce. However, I don't feel comfortable going into a settlement without advisement from a lawyer. The mediator cannot offer consultation to either of us about settlement issues. The big issue for me is that I've become aware of somethings that might benefit or harm him financially. My role in our relationship has always been the researcher...look at all scenarios etc. I don't think this should be my job any longer though I feel the instinct to give him information. Ugghhh..caretaker!! I'm resisting the urge but I did tell him that he may want to have a lawyer on some level. Just to read the separation and settlement agreements. My resentment over the affair and the separation make me think why the F*** should I provide these services to you? You f***ing "fired" me from the job!! He's asked if he can pay me an hourly rate to advise him on issues because he doesn't have the time to deal with the details. Part of me wants to help but the logical side says why?? What do you guys think?
dearhunter Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 mimidarling, I don't have any advice for you..I am in the same boat. My H moved out and said "he had to think things thru" but I got info yesterday that he has been seeing the OW every weekend since he left. In my opinion, that's not thinking things thru..that's just moving somewhere so I can't see what he's doing. I am going to see a lawyer also, just to see what I should be doing. I haven't told him yet that I want the divorce, I just decided yesterday. I'm going to tell him probably this week and when I calm down we can sit down and divide the stuff on paper before we bring it to a lawyer to have them write it up. He is not going to like the alimony part..but too bad. He told me to retire and follow him with his job and help with the moving etc. I am overwhelmed with the thought of having to move all this stuff by myself to another state to be with my family. And sell our home. And get a job, and find a place to live..I'm actually numb and sick to my stomach that it's come to this. If I were you, I wouldn't advise him one little bit. Let him find someone else. You take care of yourself and your kids. dearhunter
Slainte Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 If you don't want to come across as being horrible or bitter, I suggest that maybe you should advise him to seek out another opinion (get his own lawyer) as you can no longer be expected to remain neutral.
Author mimidarlin Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I advised him to have a lawyer read the agreements before he signs them. We're spending time together and going to counseling. I haven't gone no contact as we're still amicable and I believe that the emotional affair is over. He's in his own place and though I still love him and want him in my life I think I have to be firm in at least one realm. I don't think any lawyer would feel comfortable advising both of us. I think I've come to the conclusion that if he doesn't seek at least a little legal advice then that's his problem. I've told him that I think it's a poor business decision. I know and he knows that I've been handling this well considering everything I've dealt with in the last year. It's not my job to take of him anymore. Even if we reconcile I would play things close to the vest for a long time.
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