Art_Critic Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Only if neither has any romantic feelings for the other.. It is very rare that it happens that way.. normally one party wants the other and is just waiting around hoping the time will come for them to jump in and get naked. Sometimes even if both parties have moved on.. married etc it can not work because or the SO's or spouses.. Who would want their wife to be best friends with some guy she had sex with for the 5 years before you both met ?.. nobody...
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I do not believe it is possible. I have tried is several times. I have had men assure me that they have no romantic/sexual interest in me, that they enjoy my personality only and want to be my friend. It works for awhile but sooner or later they propose being "more" than friends and when I tell them I don't have those kind of feelings for them - they stop talking to me. It hurts and makes me question if they ever really cared for me at all. Right now, I'm faced with that dilemma. I met a guy who is 8 years younger, who would be great to date. But I'm looking for a LTR; I know he wants children and I am past that. I told him we don't have any long term potential. He said then we should be friends and seems adamant about it. I can't be his friend because I'm very romantically/sexually attracted to him and he is attracted to me also. What seems certain is that one way or another in about two months, he will be out of my life and I will miss him. I've not yet discovered a way to prevent it from ending poorly.
Art_Critic Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Sometimes I like to refer to When Harry met Sally in these types of situations because it is soooo true. Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends. Sally: Why not? Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. Harry: No you don't. Sally:Yes I do. Harry: No you don't. Sally: Yes I do. Harry: You only think you do. Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge? Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you. Sally: They do not. Harry: Do too. Sally: They do not. Harry: Do too. Sally: How do you know? Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too. Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you? Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then. Harry: Guess not. Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.
Kelebek Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 My best friend is a guy, we've been best friends since we were 2 years old, because our mum's are best friends. We're the most different people you could meet, only friends because of our parents, but for some reason we always stayed best friends. He's like my brother, in fact I call him my brother. And I don't mean, "Ooh we're so close, he's like family, it's wonderful," - I mean, he's like my annoying, torturing, patronising older brother, we get sick of each other quickly but we love each other to death and always will. Just normal family really My other really close guy friend, I've only known since I was 16. For years and years (I'm 24) we've stayed best buds, then one time last year we got drunk and slept together and ruined the ENTIRE THING. I barely speak to him anymore, it's still really awkward. So yes and no, to your question, lol.
lino Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Yes, of course they can be friends. I have a good few female friends. Some of them are like big sisters to me However, if two people are/were ever involved as more than friends, then I think it'll be very difficult for at least one of the 2 people in question to go back to being just friends. For example, I've been fed the 'we can be friends' line several times by girls I wanted more than friendship with. I didn't maintain friendship with any of them because that sort of friendship seems pretty fake to me. I've never said that line to any women so I don't really know how it works from the 'other side.' I think that in order to have successful male/female friendships, it must genuinely start out as just that. Friends and nothing more.
Author GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Yes, of course they can be friends. I have a good few female friends. Some of them are like big sisters to me However, if two people are/were ever involved as more than friends, then I think it'll be very difficult for at least one of the 2 people in question to go back to being just friends. For example, I've been fed the 'we can be friends' line several times by girls I wanted more than friendship with. I didn't maintain friendship with any of them because that sort of friendship seems pretty fake to me. I've never said that line to any women so I don't really know how it works from the 'other side.' I think that in order to have successful male/female friendships, it must genuinely start out as just that. Friends and nothing more. I do agree with this, too. I think either the guy is sexually attracted to the girl or the other way around.....and when that happens I think it is most likely the end of the "fake friendship".
counterman Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I think men and women can be friends and that would just be the end of it. It depends on the closeness of the relationship. I mean, I have heaps of friends that are women and don't feel sexually attracted to them whatsoever and don't even think about something more. On the other hand, with my closer girlfriends, there has been instances of attraction here and there and flirting but nothing too serious and certainly not going to have sex or form a relationship from there. In saying that,if you're attracted to someone your friends with it gets really hard and some say you can't really be "friends" because of this. With a girl that I have absolutely not attracted to but we get along, then yes, we can just be friends. Oh, and beings friends when you're both single, it would be hard to get close to each other as friends without having some sort of thought otherwise.
Goodin Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Tell me...Have any of you lovely people been able to just have a platonic relationship with guy/girl.... What has worked for you and what hasn't....? In my experience...it cannot happen. Men will tell me, "I just want to be friends and then they cross the line very quickly"....Are people simply not thinking about what they are communicating to someone??? Let's hear it....be honest;) Yes. I have some very close female friends. Strictly plutonic. They are some of the best, most reliable friends I have. I will admit I do check them out and think about it, but as time goes by I realize that I like the relationship we have as friends and I wouldn't want cross the line and screw that up. I had one lady friend try to kiss me while we we're drunk one night...I stopped her and it made things awkward for a while. A guy who says he wants to 'be friends' but crosses the line quickly, DOES NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. He wants to get into your pants and have no strings. Don't trust these guys. I think as you get older it is easier to have friends of the opposite sex. In my 20's I wanted to screw anything that moves but now I appreciate the value of a good friendship with a woman. In a relationship or not.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 If I'm not sexually attracted to them, then I don't want to boink them. If I don't want to boink them, then I can be friends with them. Most of the situation I've been in thus far has always been me taking the initial step to sleeping with them. Otherwise, they either have girlfriends or I'm seriously not attracted to them. The point is when it comes to drawing a good line between being completely platonic, it takes good self control on both parties with regards to physical attraction.
Author GAchasen Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 A guy who says he wants to 'be friends' but crosses the line quickly, DOES NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. He wants to get into your pants and have no strings. Don't trust these guys. Yeah....LOL...I found that out already!!!~~ That's why I tell them "we cannot be friends". That really sucks for me...in a case where I do want to be their friend. I have just found that most of my friends (true friends) are women. I don't have the problem sustaining those friendships. I wish I could have friendships with some men, too. But I guess, with me being single, men just think I want to have fun....hmmm??? Who knows! I alot of people on here are posting about how they have known their friend guy/girl for years....What I am interested in, the aspect of not knowing them long at all. How is it different for you? I see the correlation between childhood friendships, working friendships...etc.
Goodin Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I alot of people on here are posting about how they have known their friend guy/girl for years....What I am interested in, the aspect of not knowing them long at all. How is it different for you? I see the correlation between childhood friendships, working friendships...etc. Just curious...how old are you? (don't answer if you don't want to) A few of my lady friends I have only known for a few years or less. Yes in the beginning there is some uncertainty if there is 'something more', but as time goes on it gets established that you are just friends. But, hey, who's to say that won't or can't change? I mean, you know each other, trust each other, ...so if there is attraction and youre both single..why not? The nature of human relationships is so complex. A guy who is interested in you and not trying to get into your pants is probably they guy you should date, not just be friends;).
make me believe Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I don't really think it's possible. There's always some kind of sexual/romantic attraction from one side or the other. I feel like most of the time when guys & girls are "just friends" one of them is secretly hoping that it will eventually turn into something more.
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