newposter Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I dont know what to make of my current situation and would like to know how others see it...both men and women. There has been some shady behavior in general since a bit before Thanksgiving (that's when it really became extreme anyway). My husband is an online gamer in our dining room. We stopped going on "dates" over 3 years ago and he devotes his time to the game when not at work. Weekends he is known to play over 12 hours a day. He has gone to bed with me about 10 times in 3 years, usually staying up gaming after I have gone to bed. In November he told me he'd like to convert part of an area in the garage as a place for him and two buddies to work out over the winter while he is on his annual lay off period. Since then he insisted we spend Thanksgiving and Christmas apart and he went on a 5 day vacation with "just the guys" never stating what city he would even be in and texted me one time, two sentences, two days into the trip. I was in his new area in the garage the other day, which is almost finished. Its sports a heater, new wiring, painted walls, wood baseboards, carpet that was intended for our bedroom, an entertainment center that was eventually to go in our living room I thought, an office desk and leather chair for his computer to go so he can supposedly game out there from now on, and 3 pieces of excersize equipment. Oh yeah, and a door with a lock on it. If it were you, what would you think?
cody5 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 You have GOT TO GET INTO THAT ROOM and report back. On second thought, I'll just wait for the evening news and know it's you.
OhGeesh Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 The trips with boys are one issue away for Christmas and Thanksgiving is just weird, but the gaming addiction is obviously very SERIOUS. My wife would have kicked me out years ago....I mean years ago!!! When a man chooses a game over a warm sexy woman......HOUSTON WE HAVE A HUGE FREAKING PROBLEM IMO!!!!
NowhereToHide Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Are you sure his "gaming" is legit? I know when I was in my A, I would literally spend HOURS on the computer IMing my AP. My H assumed I was working most of the time, but I wasn't. Also, the trips away with "the guys" to destinations you don't know about... over the holidays.... I think you need to look into whether or not he's having an affair. I would also start to evaluate what kind of marriage you want. It doesn't sound like you have much of one right now.
MSUE Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I think NTH has very valid points...what kind of H goes away from her W during Holidays and not even disclose location? I don't know how u handled it but I would demand answers and some proof along w it...this whole thing is beyond a red flag Are you sure his "gaming" is legit? I know when I was in my A, I would literally spend HOURS on the computer IMing my AP. My H assumed I was working most of the time, but I wasn't. Also, the trips away with "the guys" to destinations you don't know about... over the holidays.... I think you need to look into whether or not he's having an affair. I would also start to evaluate what kind of marriage you want. It doesn't sound like you have much of one right now.
mem11363 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 The lock on the door is very odd.... I dont know what to make of my current situation and would like to know how others see it...both men and women. There has been some shady behavior in general since a bit before Thanksgiving (that's when it really became extreme anyway). My husband is an online gamer in our dining room. We stopped going on "dates" over 3 years ago and he devotes his time to the game when not at work. Weekends he is known to play over 12 hours a day. He has gone to bed with me about 10 times in 3 years, usually staying up gaming after I have gone to bed. In November he told me he'd like to convert part of an area in the garage as a place for him and two buddies to work out over the winter while he is on his annual lay off period. Since then he insisted we spend Thanksgiving and Christmas apart and he went on a 5 day vacation with "just the guys" never stating what city he would even be in and texted me one time, two sentences, two days into the trip. I was in his new area in the garage the other day, which is almost finished. Its sports a heater, new wiring, painted walls, wood baseboards, carpet that was intended for our bedroom, an entertainment center that was eventually to go in our living room I thought, an office desk and leather chair for his computer to go so he can supposedly game out there from now on, and 3 pieces of excersize equipment. Oh yeah, and a door with a lock on it. If it were you, what would you think?
giotto Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 are you really putting up with all this crap? I'm flabbergasted...
HeyThere Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 (edited) Lots of great advice here from the other posters – there’s a huge disconnect in your marriage. Edited January 18, 2010 by HeyThere
Author newposter Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 The gaming and never spending any time together has long been an issue. But this area in the garage, which is not attached to the house, I call his bachelor pad (and he doesn't like that) just feels like he is hiding or hiding something...in a big way.
KikiW Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Spending that much time in a game is an escape mechanism. He is trying to escape his reality. Since he has spent time setting up his little "bachelor pad" and hanging out with his friends, I suspect he is disconnecting from you specifically. You need to have a big long discussion with him about what he thinks he's doing with his life. Ask him how separating himself from you helps maintain a good marriage. Ask him how spending time on a game when you are left to go to bed alone again helps maintain a good marriage. If he thinks what he is doing is healthy for a marriage, then YOU need to sit back and ask yourself if you are willing to let this continue for the next 10, 15, 45 years. Do you deserve a man who comes home to you and spends time with you? Eats dinner with you? Talks to you about their day and asks about yours? Asks what you'd like to do for the evening? Takes you to bed with him and tells you how beautiful you look? When was the last time your husband did that?
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