kiki30 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Hmmm...so I have been friends with this guy for a couple of years, we were pretty close, talk often. And as of late i have become friends with a girl from work, then I find out from another friend that they have been dating. My male friend knows that this girl and I were friends, and I am beginning to think she befriended me as a way to get closer to him. The kicker for me is, that he never said a word about it to me, not a word, I had the joy of the mutual friend telling me just a few minutes before we were all going out, i had the pleasure of the watching them flirt for the rest of the night and watching her become uncomfortable when he would talk to me or vice versa. Um, I realize that we are just friends, even though there have been times that I wondered if i had feelings for him that I was not acting on. But, am I wrong in believing that this was handled really inappropriately? It feels like everyone knew what was going on but me, now things are awkward and all I want to do is avoid everyone.
Johnny M Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Hmmm...so I have been friends with this guy for a couple of years, we were pretty close, talk often. And as of late i have become friends with a girl from work, then I find out from another friend that they have been dating. My male friend knows that this girl and I were friends, and I am beginning to think she befriended me as a way to get closer to him. The kicker for me is, that he never said a word about it to me, not a word, I had the joy of the mutual friend telling me just a few minutes before we were all going out, i had the pleasure of the watching them flirt for the rest of the night and watching her become uncomfortable when he would talk to me or vice versa. Um, I realize that we are just friends, even though there have been times that I wondered if i had feelings for him that I was not acting on. But, am I wrong in believing that this was handled really inappropriately? It feels like everyone knew what was going on but me, now things are awkward and all I want to do is avoid everyone. If the two of you were just friends and you never acted on your feelings towards the guy, then perhaps he doesn't even know that you were (are?) interested in him and would be put in an uncomfortable position. So no, I wouldn't say that the situation was handled inappropriately. A guy is not going to call you out of the blue and say "Guess what? I'm dating so and so".
Author kiki30 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Thank you for the response, I am not really debating whether he knows about my feelings or not, our friendship has always been complicated. However, what I am uncomfortable is that as my closest friend, we share a lot of personal information - we have had conversations about me and this friend of mine a number of times, he wouldnt think it is strange to start seeing her and not say anything knowing that her and I are friends. I still believe it could have been handled better on his part, if the tables were reversed I would have told him, it doesn't make any sense.
Johnny M Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Thank you for the response, I am not really debating whether he knows about my feelings or not, our friendship has always been complicated. However, what I am uncomfortable is that as my closest friend, we share a lot of personal information - we have had conversations about me and this friend of mine a number of times, he wouldnt think it is strange to start seeing her and not say anything knowing that her and I are friends. Maybe he wasn't comfortable bringing it up. I don't know the exact nature of your complicated relationship and what that implies. Maybe he figured you knew already since he is dating your female friend. Personally, I find it more strange that your female friend didn't tell you anything. Unlike guys, girls love to discuss their relationships with friends.
Author kiki30 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I think she began to tell me, and then stopped, minutes before I go to a outing with everyone, another girl in the group who I am not especially close with blurts it out all smiles. Felt like I was sent back to high schools with the mean girls having fun at my expense.
bayouboi Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Sounds to me like you're jealous. If you were really JUST friends, you'd be happy for him dating someone no matter whether or not he told you by whatever timeline you think is "appropriate". As it is, though, it sounds to me like you've kept this guy as a friend as a backup in case whatever other interests you have didn't pan out and now you're upset that the safety net is currently no longer available.
Author kiki30 Posted January 20, 2010 Author Posted January 20, 2010 Hi Bayouboi, I have considered the whole jealousy thing - however he's had at least three girlfriends in the time that I have known him, and I have never felt like this. I have even encouraged him to keep dating, even women whom I know. What I am feeling here feels like this girl befriended me to get closer to him, and he may or may not be interested but decided to say nothing to me, because it is awkward. But thanks, for your input.
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