Author polksaladannie Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 So your happiness comes from someone else. I am not unhappy and I live alone. I am sure there are other people feel the same way that you do, no doubt. I don't understand needing another person to be happy. Ok...are you an OW or a BS? I am confused.
greengoddess Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Oh, I know that they care. They just can't empathize. they can't empathize because you should not be in this place in the first place. Your pain now is your doing. GET OUT and make a life for yourself. Stop hiding. What does that do to your self esteem having to be hidden by someone who is supposed to be the love of your life. He takes his "fat wife" out on his arm and he hides you.
Author polksaladannie Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 they can't empathize because you should not be in this place in the first place. Your pain now is your doing. GET OUT and make a life for yourself. Stop hiding. What does that do to your self esteem having to be hidden by someone who is supposed to be the love of your life. He takes his "fat wife" out on his arm and he hides you. Well now that you mention it(esp. the last line) he has been a lot less secretive lately. That is, about being seen with me. I am not reading anything into it but it does strike me as quite a change from the old days. Like I said before, when God brings a good man into my life, a man who loves me and my quirks and baggage, then I will see the light and let MM go.
greengoddess Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Well now that you mention it(esp. the last line) he has been a lot less secretive lately. That is, about being seen with me. I am not reading anything into it but it does strike me as quite a change from the old days. Like I said before, when God brings a good man into my life, a man who loves me and my quirks and baggage, then I will see the light and let MM go. But you won't see the new man. You will be blind to him because you have mm in front of you. Don't you see that?
Author polksaladannie Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 But you won't see the new man. You will be blind to him because you have mm in front of you. Don't you see that? Oh I am open to a new relationship. I still keep a hand in Match and POF but as I said before, the men that have approached me there are bottom of the barrel! I am not going to date a loser because he happens to be single. I have asked friends to set me up and they tell me that none of their friends are available. I am trying to get off the sinking ship..really I am...but there are not too many lifeboats:)
jennie-jennie Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Yea the mods deleted the post from jennie-jennie on the infidelity board. It would have been better for jennie-jennie if the words remained. Something for her to look back on and cringe with embarrassment that that was once her life and her attitude. They may have been very hurtful to some new bs but it really showed the attitude of the OW and what she will put up with. "excuse me honey, let me put my pants back on and go in the hall and check in with my wife and then we'll have dinner." Sad, pitifully sad. Greengoddess, NID is not referring to the same post as you are. At least that is not where she made the comment about trolling (which was deleted by the way). I know I was deliberately provocative on your thread, GG, because I felt so provoked by your original post. It is unusual for me to post that harshly. I did it only to prove my point which was that none of us should post stories that are likely to hurt the other party, be it BS or OW. To clarify: I am a member of Loveshack because I enjoy the discussion here. If I post in a thread on the Infidelity forum, it is because the discussion in it interests me.
Fallen Angel Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Greengoddess, NID is not referring to the same post as you are. At least that is not where she made the comment about trolling (which was deleted by the way). I know I was deliberately provocative on your thread, GG, because I felt so provoked by your original post. It is unusual for me to post that harshly. I did it only to prove my point which was that none of us should post stories that are likely to hurt the other party, be it BS or OW. To clarify: I am a member of Loveshack because I enjoy the discussion here. If I post in a thread on the Infidelity forum, it is because the discussion in it interests me. Jennie, I would also like to be part of the discussions over there, as I think having been on both sides of the fence, I can offer a perspective that other posters can not. I see both sides of the argument, and can empathise with both. But, as i was told several times that I don't belong there, I just stay away... I am not here to cause anyone else any more pain, so, if it makes them feel better that I not be involved in the discussion there, so be it. I don't know if you saw the posts, but we had a "new member" here posting behind me for awhile last night, she seems to have been completely deleted, but she followed me through a few threads.. The 'trolls' are getting bad again.. Oddly enough, this one knew things I had said a long time ago, and as I post fairly prolifically, I doubt she read all my previous posts in one night.. curious...
jennie-jennie Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 "In the United States, in 1986, 34 million women were unmarried and one out of every five women had no partner. The number of single men in their forties was half that for single women. An American woman who divorces at thirty-five is statistically likely to remain single for the rest of her life." (A Guide to Surviving Life as a Mistress, 1999)
PhoenixRise Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Jennie, I would also like to be part of the discussions over there, as I think having been on both sides of the fence, I can offer a perspective that other posters can not. I see both sides of the argument, and can empathise with both. But, as i was told several times that I don't belong there, I just stay away... I am not here to cause anyone else any more pain, so, if it makes them feel better that I not be involved in the discussion there, so be it. I don't know if you saw the posts, but we had a "new member" here posting behind me for awhile last night, she seems to have been completely deleted, but she followed me through a few threads.. The 'trolls' are getting bad again.. Oddly enough, this one knew things I had said a long time ago, and as I post fairly prolifically, I doubt she read all my previous posts in one night.. curious... JJ I will say that if you post something that is deliberately inflammatory you can't complain that the people you are posting to aren't welcoming. AND I see that you continue to post in infidelity whenever you chose (as you should) regardless of whether people welcome you or not. FA if you want to post in infidelity you should do so. The times you posted there I thought you added a different perspective. I don't know why you can't do over there what you seem to successfully do here, post your ideas, add to the discussion, and take your lumps when they come (it is not all sunshine and roses over here either).
Fallen Angel Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 JJ I will say that if you post something that is deliberately inflammatory you can't complain that the people you are posting to aren't welcoming. AND I see that you continue to post in infidelity whenever you chose (as you should) regardless of whether people welcome you or not. FA if you want to post in infidelity you should do so. The times you posted there I thought you added a different perspective. I don't know why you can't do over there what you seem to successfully do here, post your ideas, add to the discussion, and take your lumps when they come (it is not all sunshine and roses over here either). If I expect BW to respect our rights as OW to say what we feel here without getting flamed, then I have to respect their wishes that I not insinuate myself into "their board". Do i think that will change how they respond to my request that they not flame OW/OM here? No, but one must act in a manner in which one expects to be treated *shrug* By honoring their request for me to leave their board, maybe one or more of them will in time honor my request to at least stay civil on this board.
OWoman Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 The 'trolls' are getting bad again.. Oddly enough, this one knew things I had said a long time ago, and as I post fairly prolifically, I doubt she read all my previous posts in one night.. curious... It's a bit of a giveaway when suddenly a new poster appears - without a story of their own - but stalks posters from a certain group only and attacks them (often ad hominem, rather than attacking the substance of their posts). FA - I've never been told not to post in Infidelity (or if I have, I ignored it and forgot ). It's well within the TOS to post wherever you want, so long as you post in a manner that is respectful, on-topic, inclusive, etc.
OWoman Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 If I expect BW to respect our rights as OW to say what we feel here without getting flamed, then I have to respect their wishes that I not insinuate myself into "their board". Do i think that will change how they respond to my request that they not flame OW/OM here? No, but one must act in a manner in which one expects to be treated *shrug* By honoring their request for me to leave their board, maybe one or more of them will in time honor my request to at least stay civil on this board. I think there's a huge difference between the two! Posting civilly is part of the TOS that everyone signs up to. If someone doesn't, they're at fault, not you. Posting on the Infidelity board as an OW is also within the TOS, provided it's done according to the guidelines. If any particular BS don't want you there, it's THEM that are outside of the TOS, not you. Only the mods have the authority to allow or disallow certain posters to post ANYWHERE.
NoIDidn't Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 It's a bit of a giveaway when suddenly a new poster appears - without a story of their own - but stalks posters from a certain group only and attacks them (often ad hominem, rather than attacking the substance of their posts). Very true. There is a new poster in Infidelity right now by the name of "myowntwofeet" that certainly knows quite a bit of the history of the group of posters that "she" disagrees with. It could be that "she" has been a long time lurker. This posted to show that it certainly is not only one group that gets "stalked" here. (Quotes to show that I don't think that the new poster I reference is a stalker or a troll, maybe a former poster from a while back though) FA - I've never been told not to post in Infidelity (or if I have, I ignored it and forgot ). It's well within the TOS to post wherever you want, so long as you post in a manner that is respectful, on-topic, inclusive, etc. Honestly, I've never seen anyone told NOT to post in Infidelity when they were adding to a thread and not causing uproar. I've never seen FA cause uproar in a thread, so I can't imagine someone actually telling her "not to post" there. And, no, I've never seen anyone tell you not to post there either. But I don't come to the boards daily to say so one way or the other.
Snowflower Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 If I expect BW to respect our rights as OW to say what we feel here without getting flamed, then I have to respect their wishes that I not insinuate myself into "their board". Do i think that will change how they respond to my request that they not flame OW/OM here? No, but one must act in a manner in which one expects to be treated *shrug* By honoring their request for me to leave their board, maybe one or more of them will in time honor my request to at least stay civil on this board. FA...I think it is sad that you were given the impression that you were not welcome on the infidelity forum. No one has the right to insinuate who is welcome and who is not anywhere on LS. I hope you will reconsider participating 'over there' when you feel like you have something to add. I like your insight and compassion.
PhoenixRise Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 If I expect BW to respect our rights as OW to say what we feel here without getting flamed, then I have to respect their wishes that I not insinuate myself into "their board". Do i think that will change how they respond to my request that they not flame OW/OM here? No, but one must act in a manner in which one expects to be treated *shrug* By honoring their request for me to leave their board, maybe one or more of them will in time honor my request to at least stay civil on this board. Both forums are open FA. Anybody can post anywhere they want within the TOS. Anybody can offer support. Anybody can offer disagreement. You can chose to post or not post where you want for whatever reasons you want. I saw you have decent interactions with BS on the infidelity board. It seems to me that you focus on the negative interactions. AND maybe I missed it, but I have never seen anybody told or asked NOT to post in the forum. Yes. People might disagree with what you say. People might even challenge what you say because you are an OW. But to ask you to leave the forum??? I have not seen this.
OldEurope Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 When I read the original post I thought, you have got to be kidding. Another woe-is-me downer, and a ridiculous one. I mean, all kinds of available attractive men are all over all kinds of age categories, and they marry single moms, divorced women, same age, older, whatever... But now there is suspicion this woman is a troll.....I do think that on this particular forum (the "OW/OM") there are a lot of mysterious "writers" trying to dig up or drag out stories for plot lines, dialogue, "psychological"/character studies...There is somehow a "smell" about those fly-by-night posters.... Good that the ladies here are wary... OE
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Hey Ya'll.. Let's stop the side chatter of the OW vs BS, who can post where. .. Start a new thread for that.. That has nothing to do with the original poster or what this thread is about. Oh I am open to a new relationship The thing is, you may be open to a new relationship, but staying involved with your MM will prevent you from actually noticing, opening your heart to someone else. You're attached and emotionally involved (inlove maybe?) with him, so it'll be next to impossible to let another man close to you, let alone want someone else.
2sure Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Something has to change here. I just want to point something out and if you think about it a minute..you may not like it much, but I think you'll find some truth in it for yourself. You are saying that the only men who are interested in you are "bottom of the barrel". Now, I'm sure thats an exaggeration because being a single mother, divorced, having baggage...lol - the guys on the other half of this equation are in the same boat. But, OK - according to you available men you meet are not attractive enough, losers, not good enough for you. In other words: All the good ones are taken. Having been there myself, consider this stark reality: I am an average woman. Average in looks, income, baggage , etc. My friends were average, my dates and boyfriends were average. When I was dating married men ...suddenly I was somehow able to attract this wildly successful , brilliant, great looking men that were the kind of guys I was always attracted to but couldnt have. I was still the same, I was still average. Had they been single, they wouldnt have dated me. So, sure - the men available to you are not good enough but that is at the same time like saying: I'm only good enough for a married man. The good news is...I eventually became so confident in myself that I was able to attract the AVAILABLE men I wanted. Still the same girl, just with confidence.
bentnotbroken Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Well now that you mention it(esp. the last line) he has been a lot less secretive lately. That is, about being seen with me. I am not reading anything into it but it does strike me as quite a change from the old days. Like I said before, when God brings a good man into my life, a man who loves me and my quirks and baggage, then I will see the light and let MM go. I am a FBS. So with this statement do you believe in God?
Author polksaladannie Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 Something has to change here. I just want to point something out and if you think about it a minute..you may not like it much, but I think you'll find some truth in it for yourself. You are saying that the only men who are interested in you are "bottom of the barrel". Now, I'm sure thats an exaggeration because being a single mother, divorced, having baggage...lol - the guys on the other half of this equation are in the same boat. But, OK - according to you available men you meet are not attractive enough, losers, not good enough for you. In other words: All the good ones are taken. Having been there myself, consider this stark reality: I am an average woman. Average in looks, income, baggage , etc. My friends were average, my dates and boyfriends were average. When I was dating married men ...suddenly I was somehow able to attract this wildly successful , brilliant, great looking men that were the kind of guys I was always attracted to but couldnt have. I was still the same, I was still average. Had they been single, they wouldnt have dated me. So, sure - the men available to you are not good enough but that is at the same time like saying: I'm only good enough for a married man. The good news is...I eventually became so confident in myself that I was able to attract the AVAILABLE men I wanted. Still the same girl, just with confidence. Well I am not average looking. I am in the "attractive" category and prior to marriage attracted nice looking men. I am also ambitious and expect that from the men I date. Sorry but I don't feel the need to date the pipefitted who recently messaged me on POF or the uneducated factory worker who liked me on Match. Again, nothing wrong with pipefitters or factory workers per se, but I am the type of woman who would not fit well into that world. I want more. What is wrong with that? The message I get from your post is just take what you can get..well, am I not doing that already?? At least I am taking a nice looking ambitious man.
Author polksaladannie Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 I am a FBS. So with this statement do you believe in God? I believe in a Higher Power. Jesus, God, Church of the Risen Elvis..whatever
bentnotbroken Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 Well I am not average looking. I am in the "attractive" category and prior to marriage attracted nice looking men. I am also ambitious and expect that from the men I date. Sorry but I don't feel the need to date the pipefitted who recently messaged me on POF or the uneducated factory worker who liked me on Match. Again, nothing wrong with pipefitters or factory workers per se, but I am the type of woman who would not fit well into that world. I want more. What is wrong with that? The message I get from your post is just take what you can get..well, am I not doing that already?? At least I am taking a nice looking ambitious man. Maybe most of us misread your post (though I doubt it since that many people saw the same thing). You described yourself as someone with limited options because of age, children and baggage. You said you were unhappy alone and were willing to be with someone who was MM because though you no longer pulled the guys at the club you used to, you feel as if you are almost "pushed" into being with a MM because of your limited options and again, you don't like being alone and you need to be with someone to be happy. Did I get it right?
fooled once Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 I meant why you said it came from the Infidelity board, Bent. I was impercise with how I said it. You did say it but it was right on what what she wasn't saying. But you know what polks, it really must chap your butt that as pathetic as you think this woman is, she has him and he's not leaving. If there is anyone to be pitied here its you. You are still alone and you just don't know it. And btw, even obese I could walk into any bar or club and be hit on by many hot men. Obese doesn't make someone unattractive, but attitude sure as hell does. You have a sorry ass attitude. I think I better be done here because this poster brings out the worse in me. I've always tried to be kind, gentle and fair to everyone involved in these horrible triangles and I'm struggling here. This woman is a piece of work. I see why some BW are such witches on here...to them the OW is like her. CCL EXCELLENT POST!!! And Willow, you are so silly. The LAST thing I am is bitter. I have a wonderful, loving husband who adores me and on top of it, he is married to ME and I don't have to share him .
Author polksaladannie Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 Maybe most of us misread your post (though I doubt it since that many people saw the same thing). You described yourself as someone with limited options because of age, children and baggage. You said you were unhappy alone and were willing to be with someone who was MM because though you no longer pulled the guys at the club you used to, you feel as if you are almost "pushed" into being with a MM because of your limited options and again, you don't like being alone and you need to be with someone to be happy. Did I get it right? Close but not quite: 1. I don't mind being alone. But honestly, I am rarely alone. I have two children full time. I am active in my community. I work full time. I want companionship and support. 2. Yes, I do believe I have limited options due to age and parental status. I will never be ashamed of my children, but let's face it...not every guy wants someone with children.
bentnotbroken Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 I believe in a Higher Power. Jesus, God, Church of the Risen Elvis..whatever Interesting indeed.
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