Blossom78 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 The first one I was with him for 9mths and I was so in love with him when he dumped me out of the blue for his ex. He didn't just disappear though and for 5mths kept messaging me occaisionally saying he still loved me..then he would disappear again. I was devastated and ended up on antidepressents for a short time but eventually got over him. Then I met a new guy and at first I was still not right from my ex so I refused to date him..he stayed patient with me and waited 2mths of supporting me and calling and talking online until I finally agreed to date him...and WOW he was gorgeous and caring, fantastic!! He is very guarded with his feelings though and finds it hard to open up and say how he feels. But in round about ways managed to tell me how much he cared for me. So I broached the subject of actually being his ''girlfriend'' to which he freaked out, started being nasty and dumped me! He isnt the type of man to change his mind so I didn't contact him again but i was so upset. Here is where timing could not have been worse!!!! My ex returned!! he had left the girl and realised it was me he wanted ..he came to my house and begged, cried and pledged his undying love. I was single again so I thought ok why not and one thing led to another and i slept with my ex...(stupidiest thing I could have ever done!!!!!!) when he went home later that evening I realised I didn't want my ex anymore, I no longer felt the same about him and it was the guy I had I had been dating I wanted! I went up to bed and got a call...from the guy who I had dated..argh!!! saying how sorry he was and that he was going to put lots of effort in as he felt so much for me, he had just got spooked! It must have taken him so much to change his mind and to open up to me!! I burst out crying and told him id slept with my ex...He was furious and hurt!! We eventually started trying to get back together and at first it was awful he totally changed the way he treated me and I mainly got a frosty response but the last few times we saw each other it was him holding me and we laughed and chatted things were going good so it seemed......then all of a sudden 2 weeks ago out of the blue he ended it saying no matter what he just couldnt get over that i had slept with my ex and no way was it going to work...Just as I have realised I love him!! I done the begging thing again after I know I shouldnt have..when i disappeared from the ex thats when he showed up! But this guy is different..I last messaged him on thursday to which he said he's does care and misses things, but he doesnt want to be friends and goodbye...I havent heard from him since. Sorry for the long post but I just don't know with this guy wether he will change his mind again or if that is completely it this time..I feel like he isnt even missing me Im going to try to stick with NC but im afraid that will just help him get me out of his mind ... any opinions good or bad would be appreciated x
Author Blossom78 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 helloo??? Am I invisible?? looks like it haha.. Im just wanting some advise on what to do next??
Vampire Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Sorry to hear that Blossom. I think NC is the best thing here. Perhaps it will give him time to think and decide what he really wants, but that doesn't mean you should assume he'll come back. Whatever you do, don't go back to the other ex as a comfort thing, just in case lightning strikes twice. His spooked out reaction does seem a bit extreme though, the whole being nasty. Take some time for yourself and focus on you for a bit. If it's meant to be, it will be. If not, then you just have to accept it and move on - there will be others for you.
HLP234 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 If he really liked you he cant just forget about you like that. Stick to NC, it was his problem in the first place that he dumped you. You should not have done anything with your ex, but hey things happen and people can be deceitful. If you really want this other guy back I would just continue NC. He should say something one day. If not, you can already move on. If this guy really cared and wanted to be with you, he would understand that it was his fault for leaving you in the first place just because he got scared. Don't beg and plead for him, just go on. Also, don't go back to your ex either, there's no saying what will happen, but if it didn't work, why would it work all of a sudden now? People never change, and if they do, it requires a lot of effort and self understanding. Not everyone thinks the same, most are selfish when it comes to how to deal with these type of situations.
Author Blossom78 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Thankyou for you replies I will definately not be going back to the 1st ex..although we speak occaisionally I have no interest him in anymore and infact maybe it is wrong but I partly blame him for my current situation.The night he came back I cried to him about being dumped and he was slating my nice guy calling him a crank and that he was just using me for sex etc etc..so i believed it! and never thought for one minute he would be back in contact as he is a very stubborn person and if he says he is doing something he does it, nothing or nobody can stop him. The things that make think huh???? are what nice guy has said to me just before he dumped me, the last few times we were together..he was more open and loving than he has ever been, he really does have issues with opening up to anyone and showing emotions..but he was. Seems as soon as I told him i love him, off he has ran ..I just dont know what to think really. As you say though I have go to go NC and keep going..if he cares he will contact me. If he doesnt well it wasn't meant to be..sounds flippant I know, but I have been smashed to bits by the 1st guy..I think although im hurting I know how pointless it is to keep crying and hiding away..best thing is to dry your eyes, head up and march out with a smile painted on and try to have some fun.. thanks again xxx
xtreme Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Exactly, don't have any contact or chase after him. If it's really love and feels the same, he WILL comeback but hopefully before it's too late. At the same time keep yourself busy and don't think about it too much for the moment.
gaudi Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 As you say though I have go to go NC and keep going..if he cares he will contact me. If he doesnt well it wasn't meant to be..sounds flippant I know, but I have been smashed to bits by the 1st guy..I think although im hurting I know how pointless it is to keep crying and hiding away..best thing is to dry your eyes, head up and march out with a smile painted on and try to have some fun.. thanks again xxx Now you're talking Blossom. This is exactly what you need to do. It might seem like NC is the only advice that anyone ever gives on this forum, but it's usually because it is the best (least painful) for those in our situation (I want to say those with our condition, would that be appropriate?). Anyway, as for the part of your post that I have quoted. You wrote those words Blossom, they came from inside you. Which means that you already know what to do. All you gotta do now is follow your own advice. I should really follow your advice too, lend me some of your smile paint when you're done please. Just remember, at the end of every rocky road you will find something that was worth the journey, good luck chuck.
Author Blossom78 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Yes I know how it goes and what you are ''supposed'' to do, but following your own advise is easier said than done...im struggling today and have picked up my phone numerous times to send a text to him..but what good would that do?? ive already told him over and over how I feel and how much I want to be with him. But your mind plays tricks on you..seeing their face and remembering how it felt to in their arms....argh!!!! Going to put my make up on and paint on that smile..your welcome to my paint anytime xx
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