canadaman111 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 My wife moved out almost 3 weeks ago now. I love her a lot and hope we can get back together sometime. We have had pretty limited contact since she left. The contact we have had is cause of our 2 sons. On wednesday this coming week my youngest son has a appointment to see a specialist. This has been set up for 6 months now before any of this happened. When she left I kept the car, but she really wanted to be there for this appoinment so I told her she could come along. The appointment is a 2 hour drive each way so we will end up spending the whole day together. While i know this is for our son I am hoping for this day to go real well and maybe be the start of us getting back together. I am trying to keep my expectations low, but it is hard. What advice do you guys have for me for dealing with this day. I know the obvious, don't discuss our past relationship together, don't tell her I love her, don't try to hug her etc. I just have to show her I am happy and have fun with her and see where it goes.
mickleb Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I would focus on the point of a tortuous day like that, and nothing else: the health of your son. He doesn't need to feel any tension that is between you so minimise that for him, as best you can and it will help you to lessen the pain for yourself. Do NOT use the day as an opportunity to show her how wonderful you are, or she is. Treat it as something that, sadly, is necessary but would otherwise NOT be happening. This is what it is. I would take a really good book for the waiting around and some great CDs for the journey. Be thankful that your wife is a good mother but do not thank her for any more, at this stage. She has/is/will cause you a great deal of pain. It is not good to disregard this. And it is horrible (AND futile) to try to persuade someone to love you. Keep the space between you, it is your best hope that she will miss you. IF and when she does and you know she really wants to make it work, get her to talk about why she felt she couldn't stick by you and chose to break up the family. Then do not trust her until you feel she will not do this again. Good luck. (I am not saying it is easy.) x
CaliGuy Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Dont talk about the relationship. Try and be as happy as you can be without being fake about it. Don't be upset, sad or pressure her in any way about reconciling. Show her that she's free to leave you if she wishes and that you'll be just fine. Because no matter what happens that is the attitude you have to have. Whether she comes back or never does you need to know you'll be fine.
Recommended Posts