June1884 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 So in order to fully understand my position I feel that it is important to know some background on my husband. My husband's parents divorced when he was just 7 years old (it was a messy divorce that caused my husband to choose which parent he would live with). Nevertheless, my husband at this young age went to live with his dad (once he had served his time). His dad was his best friend and a very strong influence in his life albeit a very tragic hero. His dad struggled with alcohol abuse and during my husband's first year of college his dad was killed in a car accident. Flash forward a couple years later to when he and I began dating. My husband warmed to my family quickly ..befriending my younger brother, inviting my parents to dinner etc.. Everything was wonderful and I couldn't believe my luck that a man I was with was actually getting along with my family (they're quite a bit to handle personality-wise) However, after dating 3 and a half years we were married and shortly after things started to become unglued. My husband was attempting to mentor and console my younger brother (thru e-mail) who had just had his heart broken by a girl...only to be humiliated by him as my brother posted my husband's words online poking fun at him. This angered my husband and made him feel foolish but unfortunately this was only the beginning. A snowball effect began after that wherein my 20-something brother proceeded to act like a jerk and among other things stole one of our cars (a car that was uninsured because we were trying to sell it) from my parents driveway to go to a friends house. At any rate, my husband tore my brother a new one and basically told him he didn't care if he lived or died. It broke my heart to hear this because I knew how much my husband wanted to marry into a family that was stable and welcoming and the last thing he needed was more betrayal in his life. Meanwhile, my parents who repeatedly try to cover up for my brother, have also fell out of favor (particularly my mom) with my husband. As a result, my husband has not seen my mom or brother for over a year now and I have been forced to attend weddings, birthdays, holidays etc... alone. The most recent thing to happen was this past September when my husband learned that my mom had written to his mother calling him "bitter and insecure". All this drama has obviously caused me much anxiety and sadness and I have tearfully pleaded many times with both parties involved to change their ways. The bottom line is that outside the topic of my mom and brother my husband and I have a great relationship and we know we're meant for each other but when thinking about the near future and bringing children into it (which is something we both want) I just wonder how big of a role this will play. Thoughts?
curiousnycgirl Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 OK so you are in the middle of a melt down, what have you done to fix things? Have you pushed your brother to apologize? Have you read your mother the riot act for daring to reach out to your husband's mother? You outlined a story here, but not what has been done to try to correct the situation. I find it hard to believe that you've done nothing. If that is the case, then you need to start showing your husband support in this situation. If you have tried and he refuses to meet them half way then that's another story. Sorry don't think you've provided enough information here. BTW if you break up your post into paragraphs you are likely to get more responses because it is easier to read. Posts like yours often get ignored.
Author June1884 Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 I suppose I didn't realize what a novel I was writing until I was finished. . I've never participated in this "forum-style" writing so lesson learned. As for what has been done on either end both sides have dealt with things in their own way. While my husband says that he forgives them he also says that it doesn't mean he likes them as human beings. This statement hurts but at the same time when I think about it, it makes sense-no one gets along with everyone and certain personality types will always clash. My husband agreed to meet with my dad (who is much more laid back and reasonable than my mom) so that he could explain how he felt betrayed/wronged and from this meeting my dad seemed to get it but my mom remains the same. Still, he says that he resolves to mend things with my parents this year. He feels he needs to get a handle on his life and feel solid in his future plans in order to negate any of the controlling tendencies on the part of my family. On my mom's end, she essentially believes she has done nothing wrong and that she's being victimized and everything she has done up to this point is justified. All the while, she guilt-trips me to no end and accuses me of not wanting to be a part of the family etc. which is absolutely untrue, I simply cannot please everyone!
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