tkgirl Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) has anybody on here been so "attracted" to someone that you did stupid or crazy things just to be with that person? I have a friend who was seeing a guy that pretty much tossed her out like yesterday's trash, but not after first destroying her marriage and breaking her heart... because he wanted to date someone else. Now he called her up last week to inform her that he is newly single again... WTF? and she is so excited! I try to tell her to NOT go back to him, but she says she is so "attracted" to him.. meaning she won't listen to me and will most likely get back with him only to end up really hurt. I've been there too.. "that guy" that I write about a lot on here.. well, he didn't treat me the best.... was very wishy washy and it makes me wonder why I put up with someone who wasn't sure he was totally into me... and then I'm like "oh yeah!" it's because I was so ATTRACTED to him! And I'm not just talking about his looks, although he was pretty cute... he had all these other qualites that drew me to him. But he was so bad for me and it's actually really good that he's out of my life again. I hope to never be that attracted to someone like that again... it was crazy! So... how about you guys... care to share your stories of a fatal attraction? Edited January 17, 2010 by tkgirl
OceanTropic Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 My ex boyfriend was twice my age and had 3 kids almost my age. He was much shorter than I was, jealous, crazy, needy, manipulative and controlling. I ended being with him for 2 years because we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We had such chemistry, even strangers noticed. It happens.
paddington bear Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Scientists have proved that the chemicals released into your body when you are in love are equivalent to a form of madness, so I think most people might say that they've acted out of character all because they were obsessed with someone else. I've acted totally out of character when rejected, so much so that I totally shocked myself. I just turned into this crazy b**ch and to this day I'm ashamed of myself. It was like my inner b**ch took over my normally, easy-going nice personality and that utter lack of control over my emotions was a bit frightening. It was like 'who on earth is this? This is not me. I do not behave in that way' but oh yes I did...and badly. It's only happened twice and both times with guys who'd strung me along, who I'd fallen for and I lost it when I was expected to put up with hearing about how great the other girls they did want were...and actually, on both occassions, those same girls were wiping out the competition (i.e. me) by being incredibly nasty to me as only other females can be. So you get guy rejecting you = ouch, his new girl being nasty to you = ouch, guy still thinking new girl is great even though she's just been cruel to you his so-called intimate friend...grrrr:mad: On reflection, no wonder I turned into some kind of screaming harpy...still not proud of it though
Author tkgirl Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Scientists have proved that the chemicals released into your body when you are in love are equivalent to a form of madness, so I think most people might say that they've acted out of character all because they were obsessed with someone else. I've acted totally out of character when rejected, so much so that I totally shocked myself. I just turned into this crazy b**ch and to this day I'm ashamed of myself. It was like my inner b**ch took over my normally, easy-going nice personality and that utter lack of control over my emotions was a bit frightening. It was like 'who on earth is this? This is not me. I do not behave in that way' but oh yes I did...and badly. It's only happened twice and both times with guys who'd strung me along, who I'd fallen for and I lost it when I was expected to put up with hearing about how great the other girls they did want were...and actually, on both occassions, those same girls were wiping out the competition (i.e. me) by being incredibly nasty to me as only other females can be. So you get guy rejecting you = ouch, his new girl being nasty to you = ouch, guy still thinking new girl is great even though she's just been cruel to you his so-called intimate friend...grrrr:mad: On reflection, no wonder I turned into some kind of screaming harpy...still not proud of it though yep... I totally get that. And it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately... about how I acted with that guy... how I totally lost it over him and that it was so not like me at all... but I was so attracted to him or whatever that I think I did go a bit crazy! and now my friend... I just want to scream at her "don't do it, don't take him back!" The guy sounds like a total dolt and I have no idea what she sees in him i.e he's not that hot.. but well, I'm not her (thank God!) I guess all I can do is be there for her when he breaks her heart again.
Satisfaction Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Some people just feel things for people that they don't feel for anyone else and they have to go for it. I know its harsh but I suggest you let her fall, be there to pick her up wipe her tears away when she cries. She probably will not listen to you anyway. I have been there before, eventually the pain out weighs the pleasure and you have to stop.
Author tkgirl Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Some people just feel things for people that they don't feel for anyone else and they have to go for it. I know its harsh but I suggest you let her fall, be there to pick her up wipe her tears away when she cries. She probably will not listen to you anyway. I have been there before, eventually the pain out weighs the pleasure and you have to stop. yeah, I know because I went through the same thing myself.. took back "that guy" when everyone else warned me not to. I guess that's why it's hard for me to watch her possibly make the same mistake. But I know I can't tell her not to do it... because no one could have told me either.
Satisfaction Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Yes sometimes you don't need to say anything at all to let her know that you worry about her. What I eventually learned from that is not to tell yourself not to do something but question why you are doing it. I also compare the love i have given and the love I have received. Its mostly about getting to know yourself. With me I often could not see where i was going wrong in relationships because i was too ashamed to think over what had happened in relationships before. But the feeling was still there and i would just get into another relationship to make me feel better about messing up the last one. It was just a never ending circle. for me I finally got myself out when I learned to stop feeling ashamed and hating myself and accepting myself. I read this story about beauty and the beast. Except where you think that the beast is some external creature its actually you. The part of yourself which you hate and have to come to accept. That's what worked for me anyway. Sorry i do go on a bit.
counterman Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Sometimes, you do something and you rationalise it right after and before you do it and later on you might think "damn, that was stupid of me". I fell for my ex pretty hard and I always wear my heart on my sleeve. I was so attracted to her that I made up excuses for her not treating me as well as I should be when we first started; she wasn't that attracted to me at all! When it ended, I fell face first on the floor so yeah, wasn't pretty but hey, I'll learn from it!
paddington bear Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I just heard on the radio that love or that crazy attraction for someone releases that same levels of whatever brain chemical as those people with obsessive compulsive disorder...whereas the feel-good serotonin level goes down weirdly.
Author tkgirl Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 I just heard on the radio that love or that crazy attraction for someone releases that same levels of whatever brain chemical as those people with obsessive compulsive disorder...whereas the feel-good serotonin level goes down weirdly. interesting. I definitely felt a little OCD taking over when it came to that guy... glad to hear that it was "normal"
OnlyJake Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 yep... I totally get that. And it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately... about how I acted with that guy... how I totally lost it over him and that it was so not like me at all... but I was so attracted to him or whatever that I think I did go a bit crazy! #1 This happened to me once; I usually forget about him, and that situation as well, to be honest. I am so ashamed of my behavior, not only because it was just terrible and not like who I think I am at all, but also because what happened and the way he treated me (and my actions also) were so textbook, I can't believe I was surprised and lost it. Looking back on it all I can think is "duh" and, I see the same thing on this board, and in real life, all the time. Glad I learned my lesson though. #2 Isn't really the same thing, but I put it in the same category because I still consider it crazy behavior. I was dating a guy (not even my boyfriend! but since we were "exclusive" I felt he owed me certain things - important lesson about boundaries learned) who still hung out with his ex all the time, but never told me about it - I know that his actions were very intentional in regards to that. One particular thing happened so that I accidentally found out about one time that they hung out. The dozens of texts and phone calls I got from him as a result should've told me all I needed to know - that he felt he was doing something wrong. Anyways, instead of just not seeing him anymore I "forgave" him and kept seeing him, but started stalking his ex! It's amazing, since I didn't trust him at all after that. It's amazing the things I found out about her just from doing online searches. I dug pretty deep and could probably write a decent report about her character, activities, life and people she was involved with or close to from the time she was 18 to her mid-30s. I do attribute my obsessiveness about that to the fact that I was very bored with my life at the time, plus it was pretty exciting when I realized how amazing I was at research. My professors would've been impressed with my skills if they'd known Never did it before, and haven't done it since. I learned a lot of good important relationship lessons so I don't think I'd be in such a situation ever again. I also have a no googling rule now.
You'reasian Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 #2 Isn't really the same thing, but I put it in the same category because I still consider it crazy behavior. I was dating a guy (not even my boyfriend! but since we were "exclusive" I felt he owed me certain things - important lesson about boundaries learned) who still hung out with his ex all the time, but never told me about it - I know that his actions were very intentional in regards to that.. If you are just dating a guy, maybe he felt you weren't exclusive. You said he wasn't even your boyfriend...if you tell us we're just dating, many of us guys think ok, we're "just dating"...nothing serious. # Anyways, instea of just not seeing him anymore I "forgave" him and kept seeing him, but started stalking his ex! It's amazing, since I didn't trust him at all after that. It's amazing the things I found out about her just from doing online searches. I dug pretty deep and could probably write a decent report about her character, activities, life and people she was involved with or close to from the time she was 18 to her mid-30s. I do attribute my obsessiveness about that to the fact that I was very bored with my life at the time, plus it was pretty exciting when I realized how amazing I was at research. My professors would've been impressed with my skills if they'd known Never did it before, and haven't done it since. I learned a lot of good important relationship lessons so I don't think I'd be in such a situation ever again. I also have a no googling rule now. So you stalked his ex...lol. Well, good on you I guess and good luck.
OnlyJake Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 If you are just dating a guy, maybe he felt you weren't exclusive. You said he wasn't even your boyfriend...if you tell us we're just dating, many of us guys think ok, we're "just dating"...nothing serious. So you stalked his ex...lol. Well, good on you I guess and good luck. We had the exclusivity talk, I wasn't making assumptions. And yes I did - I wanted to know who she was, what she was like, and more importantly, I felt that the only way I would ever find out what HE was up to was by knowing what SHE was up to - since I didn't trust him, as he was lying to me. Anyways, after I put together my dossier on the ex, and found out the extent that they were still in contact and seeing each other, I dumped him. I thought this was a fatal attraction story thread, not a critique others' bad behavior thread
sagetalk Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Now he called her up last week to inform her that he is newly single again... WTF? and she is so excited! I try to tell her to NOT go back to him, but she says she is so "attracted" to him.. meaning she won't listen to me and will most likely get back with him only to end up really hurt. Strangely enough, it seems most people get addicted to the worst possible people they could date. It mostly happens when you get too physical, too quickly (a common tactic of inferior dating partners). Once you establish this sexual connection, you could be in deep trouble. Your brains turn to mush and you close your ears to everyone that cares about you. There have been girls in my life that I knew were nothing but trouble for me, and I have been blessed to have seen it before anything happen that would cause me to have mush for brains. One of the keys I have found to avoid these situations is to never shut out your friends and family and their advice. Always keep that door open and listen to them. They care far more about you then someone you just met a few months ago and slept with. I hope your friend does women everywhere a favor and kicks him to the curb.
aerogurl87 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 My ex was crazy, manipulative, emotionally and verbally abusive, and for some reason I still took him back every time we broke up. But hey, the sex was mind blowing, so I guess that's mostly to blame. The last time we broke up he even threatened to shoot me if he ever saw me again and for some strange reason I still wanted him. My friends tried to show me how psycho he was, but for some reason I couldn't see it for myself. I always had an excuse for his behaviour and he always apologized for his actions and I always forgave him. So yeah it's unfortunate but it happens.
sagetalk Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 But hey, the sex was mind blowing, so I guess that's mostly to blame. Very typical, I would say this is the case almost all of the time. Many women say they love him, but it really is just the sex (which is not love) and how he makes them feel. There is an excellent reason why these men are so good at sex, they sleep around alot. Not a good trait of a potential husband. If you go down that road, expect you and any children you have with him to get treated like crap and you won't be disappointed.
aerogurl87 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Very typical, I would say this is the case almost all of the time. Many women say they love him, but it really is just the sex (which is not love) and how he makes them feel. There is an excellent reason why these men are so good at sex, they sleep around alot. Not a good trait of a potential husband. If you go down that road, expect you and any children you have with him to get treated like crap and you won't be disappointed. I would probably agree with you except for the fact that we didn't have sex, kiss, or anything until we were about 3 months into our relationship and the drama started way before then. So sorry I believe that's not true in my case. I know why I stayed with him in the beginning though, and that was because of guilt (hence his great ability to manipulate everything). He could guilt trip me into something in a heartbeat and there I'd be making excuses for him. *sigh* I did love him though, as I cared about him a lot, I even saved his life once. I only hope one day he'll get his life completely together so he can be a happy person on the inside as he pretends to be on the outside.
Author tkgirl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I would probably agree with you except for the fact that we didn't have sex, kiss, or anything until we were about 3 months into our relationship and the drama started way before then. So sorry I believe that's not true in my case. I know why I stayed with him in the beginning though, and that was because of guilt (hence his great ability to manipulate everything). He could guilt trip me into something in a heartbeat and there I'd be making excuses for him. *sigh* I did love him though, as I cared about him a lot, I even saved his life once. I only hope one day he'll get his life completely together so he can be a happy person on the inside as he pretends to be on the outside. yep.. the guy I had my crazy attraction to, we didn't have sex right away either. In fact, that's one of the things that made me even more drawn to him. We would have these crazy high school-like makeout sessions until we were both wanting it.. bad! but then he was the one to put the brakes on. He wanted to wait until we were more "sure" about each other... and I was like "wow!" When we finally did do "it" well, it wasn't the best sex I ever had but by then I was so hooked on him it didn't even matter. So sex isn't always the reason for getting that "attachment". I just felt we belonged together... like he was IT! unfortunately he didn't feel as crazy about me as I did him...
sagetalk Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I would probably agree with you except for the fact that we didn't have sex, kiss, or anything until we were about 3 months into our relationship and the drama started way before then. 3 months isn't exactly a long time to wait for sex, that's still fairly early in the relationship. I wouldn't expect anyone to admit they are with someone just because of the sex, but it happens all the time in bad relationships.
alphamale Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 has anybody on here been so "attracted" to someone that you did stupid or crazy things just to be with that person? no, not really tkgirl...i'm pretty aloof when it comes to chicks. usually at the first sign of her going psycho or trying to dominate me i am out the door, no matter how attracted i am to her. i don't put up with any of that crap. actually now that i look back at it the more i was attracted to some woman the worse i treated them.
Author tkgirl Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 no, not really tkgirl...i'm pretty aloof when it comes to chicks. usually at the first sign of her going psycho or trying to dominate me i am out the door, no matter how attracted i am to her. i don't put up with any of that crap. actually now that i look back at it the more i was attracted to some woman the worse i treated them. yea, I think women are more prone to this sort of crazy attaction... maybe it's a hormone thing. I'm hoping in my case it was a one time thing too... as in I don't want to make the same mistakes I did with this guy... number one being that I took him back when I knew deep down I shouldn't have... btw the way... why do you think you treated the women you were more attracted to worse? just curious....
hoping2heal Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 has anybody on here been so "attracted" to someone that you did stupid or crazy things just to be with that person? I have a friend who was seeing a guy that pretty much tossed her out like yesterday's trash, but not after first destroying her marriage and breaking her heart... because he wanted to date someone else. Now he called her up last week to inform her that he is newly single again... WTF? and she is so excited! I try to tell her to NOT go back to him, but she says she is so "attracted" to him.. meaning she won't listen to me and will most likely get back with him only to end up really hurt. I've been there too.. "that guy" that I write about a lot on here.. well, he didn't treat me the best.... was very wishy washy and it makes me wonder why I put up with someone who wasn't sure he was totally into me... and then I'm like "oh yeah!" it's because I was so ATTRACTED to him! And I'm not just talking about his looks, although he was pretty cute... he had all these other qualites that drew me to him. But he was so bad for me and it's actually really good that he's out of my life again. I hope to never be that attracted to someone like that again... it was crazy! So... how about you guys... care to share your stories of a fatal attraction? I have had my share of unhealthy unions in my past. That said, I really do think the only reason people who are destructive and hurtful and completely unhealthy are so compelling to us is because of a broken component within ourselves. After healing and resolving a lot of the traumas I'd been through I became a much healthier and stable person and I was only interested in dating the same. I look back now and it's like "what the french were you thinking..gaaaaaaaah". I have come to find there is much truth in the old adage "birds of a feather, flock together."
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