just_some_guy Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 I told my wife that I had a referral for counseling last night. Things are not good between us, we don't fight. But she has a severe eating disorder and I'm at the end of my rope if not already past it. This didn't go over well or easily. Screaming, crying, blaming, why, why, why. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why? Because of two things: it is very difficult to talk hard stuff with her because of this kind of reaction and second, my words tend to get ignored as if it hadn't happened if she doesn't want to hear them. Things are not and have not been good. I've begged, pleaded and done everything I could to get her to take action and responsibility for this addictive behavior, long before her BMI hit 60. Life threatening. A few months ago I told her I could no longer watch her kill herself. I set a limit with myself for the beginning of the year. At first nothing happened, but she did just recently initiate the process to get a gastric bypass. I'm miserable and have been for quite some time. It didn't start out that way and she's not a bad person. But this is a full-blown life threatening issue and I'm affected by it. I've been feeling that it is time to end it for a while now. I think it may be too late to save it, but I'm going work out my stuff in counseling first.
angie2443 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 I told my wife that I had a referral for counseling last night. Things are not good between us, we don't fight. But she has a severe eating disorder and I'm at the end of my rope if not already past it. This didn't go over well or easily. Screaming, crying, blaming, why, why, why. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why? Because of two things: it is very difficult to talk hard stuff with her because of this kind of reaction and second, my words tend to get ignored as if it hadn't happened if she doesn't want to hear them. Things are not and have not been good. I've begged, pleaded and done everything I could to get her to take action and responsibility for this addictive behavior, long before her BMI hit 60. Life threatening. A few months ago I told her I could no longer watch her kill herself. I set a limit with myself for the beginning of the year. At first nothing happened, but she did just recently initiate the process to get a gastric bypass. I'm miserable and have been for quite some time. It didn't start out that way and she's not a bad person. But this is a full-blown life threatening issue and I'm affected by it. I've been feeling that it is time to end it for a while now. I think it may be too late to save it, but I'm going work out my stuff in counseling first. I looked up the BMI for an average height woman (5'4") and I guess she would be around 350 pounds? Was there something that happened to her to make her over eat so much or was this just a gradual thing?
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 It's too late to save it beacuse you have given up on her. You say I set a limit with myself for the beginning of the year. At first nothing happened, but she did just recently initiate the process to get a gastric bypass. Yet now you want to leave? Just when she needs you most? GET HER INTO THERAPY. Now. What's done is done, so you might as well leave. It's probably going to be a HUGE wake up call for her, push her into accepting that she needs to lose weight and change her behaviour, her lifestyle, get better. She is unhappy and probably has depression too.. All of which counselling can help.
Enema Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Probably not incredibly supportive, but does anyone else hear stories about fat people going for a gastric bypass and screw your face up in disgust? It's "cheating" and annoys me because I actually put in a lot of effort to stay hot. rant over.
Ronni_W Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 If it was booze or crack, people would have a much easier time telling you to leave. You do NOT deserve to be miserable in an unhappy, unfulfilling relationship. Your wife has made her own adult choices, including NOT to get help, and she must live with the consequences. You are NOT obligated to stay miserable with her. Leave whenever you are ready. You've hung in there long enough. Get out and try to find some happiness and peace for yourself. That's what you deserve.
doushenka Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Things are not good between us, we don't fight. But she has a severe eating disorder and I'm at the end of my rope if not already past it. I don't blame you, and I've been where she is. I was not easy to live with when I had my ED. It's really hard to watch someone you love dying by inches. *hugs you* My family stuck by me. I was very lucky. Thing is, they're blood kin. My parents, in fact. Had they been anyone else, they probably would have left, and looking back, I can't say I'd blame anyone who chose to drop me because of my ED. She does not get to dictate how you cope with her problem. She is lucky to have you at all. Go get counseling, and PM me if you need to talk, okay?
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