DeadHead Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 well my girlfriend can't get over her last boy friend, They went out for like 1 year, they were really close then something happened and he told her that he never loved her and that she's ugly and a whole bunch of stuff you don't say to a girl, The guy is basically a fu***** a**h***. this happened 4 month's ago. She's been really depressed. But then I met her and she began to be forgetting about him it seemed. All her friends told me that. She really liked me and I really liked her, she was 1 of a kind. but today she texts me.. yes texts me.. that "I like you but I can't be in a relationship because im still getting over my last one. Im still hurt and I thought I could do this but it turns out i was wrong. Im not ready" thats exact words. I told her that I understood even though I really don't, any guy that's gonna be such a dick like that should just be forgotten about. what should I do..
gaudi Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 You should leave her to it, she needs to get over this guy in her own time. This kind of thing does happen. If you let her do what she needs to do, give her the space, let her work it out. You will probably hear back from her before you know it. I don't mean hang on and wait to hear from her. But just let her do her own thing. People can only pine for so long, some admittedly longer than others. I say, let her go, let her grieve, and see what happens....
Author DeadHead Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 Yea, that's all I can do, she want's to be friends though. I just hope it's not to long..
Soul Bear Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Sorry to say, But sounds like you are the rebound... Sometimes they work out, but you do need to give her the sapce and time she is asking for if you want ANY chance of rekindling this. Seriously, pull right back. To help you understand, I don't know if you have ever been dumped, but when the person you love turns around and treats you like ****, you are so shocked and hurt by them because all that you know of them is that love, and have never experienced the simple, raw hatred. So you do hurt, and it does take time to let go of that love yourself. Some people take longer than others. The thing with women, is you got to activly listen to what they are telling you. She told you she needs time to get over it. The best advice I can offer you is stop contacting her, really pull right back and give her the space she needs, and the opportunity to miss you. In the meantime, you just keep moving forward.
Soul Bear Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Yea, that's all I can do, she want's to be friends though. I just hope it's not to long.. Just be honest and take care of yourself
Author DeadHead Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 Yea you don't think If I stop contacting her all together she will think that I'm pissed off at her? I am pissed, but I'm not letting her know, I told her that I understood where she was coming from. She though she made me upset and was apologizing, but I just told her it's fine and she doesn't have to be sorry. After talking to her friend, she feelings pretty bad about it. So would stopping all contact be a good idea? Cause she still wants to be friends.. I don't want her to make her more upset and her to think I'm pissed at her too even though she knows it, I don't want her to know i feel that way.
Soul Bear Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 The dont be pissed at her. She has been honest with you bro. That's rare. You need to be honest with her, and tell her that you cant speak right now because you have feelings for her, and it's a little hard for you. Tell her not to feel bad and that you are not angry (even tho you are) and tell her you understand what she is going through and hope she stays strong, because she deserves all the happiness in the world. .. Compassion, understanding and sensitivity all rolled into one...3 great qualities! leave it at that and see what the future holds.
Soul Bear Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 So would stopping all contact be a good idea? Sorry, i didn't answer your question. Yes it would be a good idea, but as long as you do it the RIGHT way ^^^^^^^^^^^
Author DeadHead Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 Thanks man, great info, The conversation stopped 2 hours ago, Hopefully we talk again tonite so I can get that off my chest. Thanks alot again!
Soul Bear Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 No worries. Just keep strong yourself, and try not to say too much if you do talk later. Try and keep it short and sweet and end on a positive vibe as said in above. keep us posted!!
Author DeadHead Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 Some more info just to fill you in, But some days, she was so into me I could has asked her to marry me and without a doubt she would have said yes, she would really get sexual in a conversation it was pretty intense stuff, but then some days it seemed something was biting at her. She was way upfront with me even more then some of her closest friends, She would tell me whatever was on her mind, and I mean WHATEVER. Just thought I'd add that in... Thanks again
PACT Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I wouldn't go totally no contact with her, but I wouldn't initiate any contact either. Don't be too available with this girl because otherwise you will end up being used and put on the back burner because youre always around. She needs to go figure out what she wants on her own and make a choice. Right now, her texts and calls are the kind people send right after the break up when they feel guilty about dumping you. Don't put too much stock in them. Also, you might consider yourself lucky she dumped you. One of my ex's didn't dump me but wasn't over her ex as it turned out and cheated on me instead. Much better you be dumped/dump the person rather than get cheated on.
KATEYES Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Let her go now before you ruin any chance you have w her. I speak from experience. I was getting over my ex and this wonderful guy came into my life and i did like him however all the pain i was in from my ex wouldnt allow me to see how great he was. I was so angry and hurt inside and i would sometimes take it out on him. I told him look i need time to get over my ex im not ready for a relationship. He was like no i will be here for you...so he stuck around. So it dragged on for months and months he finally asked me to be his girl. I said yes but still was not over my ex. Well i was always in my own lil world and frustrated. It slowly started to kill all the love he had for me. Now we are taking time apart because he says i have hurt him so much. Now im miserable... I WARNED HIM!!! please give her time to heal....or you will resent her for it. Let her miss you...she will be back.
Author DeadHead Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Thanks for more great info, I'll fill you in on what happened since last I posted. but first I must add she's not the kinda girl that would use me. She would be upfront about it I think. Alright well she texted me about 6:00 with the innocent "Heyy", I responded with a "hey what up", she said "nothing". I thought the conversation was over so I just stopped, but then 5 minutes later she says "I still want to hang out with you" , I was gonna gonna reply, but i had no reception, which was probably a good thing, the she said "I'm sleepy, I wish I had your shoulder to rest my head on". I probably should haven't said anything but I did. Nothing much anyway. She still wants to hangout tomorrow but I said I'm not sure.. Any info! You guys have been awsome with the info!
PACT Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Do not hang out with her this soon after the breakup. As the poster right above your last reply said, make her miss you. Also, she is the kind of girl who would use you, regardless of what you think. It's the way people are, they love to have someone on the back burner to come back to if they need to. Trust me, I've said the same thing you just said about some ex's before and it's not true, everyone is capable of using especially when it comes to relationships. Although, obviously, everyone's advice is easier said than done I'm afraid
Author DeadHead Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Well it seems to be working, its been 12 hours and she already is missing me . Now lets see how long I can hold back...
KATEYES Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Be strong..im telling you i was in her shoes not too long ago. Believe me she loves you but will never see it if you are always there. It took my guy withdrawing from me for me to fully get over my ex. I was confused...when he backed off. ..i saw what i was about to lose over my stupid ex. I will be here to support you. If you wanna read my story so you can see for yourself...go to the thread titled IM LOSING HIM.
Author DeadHead Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Wow, I read you're story.. Now I understand the whole scenario better, How long do you think this will take, because I know today she's gonna be saying how she misses me, But how do I know when it's the right time to go back?
HLP234 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 When you are completely over her and have no more feelings or you are not hurt anymore by what she did, is when you can talk to her again. But once again, it depends on her actions and what she says or does. I would worry more about getting over it and forgetting her rather than wondering when she will realize what she did was dumb.
Author DeadHead Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Yea, She keeps texting me, and I feel compelled to reply so I do.. She is being kinda flirty, not as much as she used to be though. It just isn't making sense. She was supposed to go out on a date with me today, we planned it like 4 days ago before she told me she needed time. So I just went with some friends, she texts me and is apologizing for not going, and asking me to forgive her and what could she do to make it up..but almost in a flirty joking way, like a friend would say. I was confused but I just said , No it's fine, Then she said, Well I could kiss you... This isn't making sense..
Jeff1962 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Respect her space no matter how hard it is on your feelings. Even if she were to end up being only a friend she would know that you care about her as a person. This has to be very difficult but if you pressure her, you will drive her away.
Author DeadHead Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I am respecting her space, but it's almost as if she isn't respecting mine, She still talks as if we are going out. I just go along with it. I never talk to her she always starts conversations with me. I keep my answers short and to the point. I just think she's lonely and need's someone to talk to right now...
Author DeadHead Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 I've been thinking about what's been happening and I'm starting to see a pattern, It seems like all day she is waiting for me to call her or text, then at night she starts texting me as if she can't wait. Last night she was saying how she is ugly and how no one likes her.. I was denying it telling her she's perfect, then she had to bring in how her past boyfriend dumped her because of that... What the hell is she trying to do? She brought the conversation up.. I just left when she said that..
HLP234 Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 When my ex wanted a break, I respected that and did not contact her. She would do the same thing this girl is doing. She would text me wondering what i am doing and then when I was short and to the point..she would start fights with me. She would say that I'm not trying or I don't want her..when she chose to have the break. She is lonely and playing games because you keep responding. She wants to keep you around her until you start acting like you used to like nothing is wrong. Stop responding and let her realize her choice. You are only getting fed in more and more each time. One day she will say she is doing something with someone else, or has someone else and you will feel like ****. So I would just not reply at all or as much..or you can make it known that this is what she wanted so she should not expect anything from you.
Author DeadHead Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 Yea so far nothing today which is good. I just hope she doesn't think I'm mad at her.. I've been pretty upfront with her though.
Recommended Posts