Kristine Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Kind of self explainatory, but I'm thinking about this guy I'm going on a 2nd date with and how the timing is unusual but it's new year, new decade, and perhaps a new beginning. So far I like him we communicate well, he seems compassionate, his peck kiss was actually good. I'm having a lot of firsts with this guy. Which suprises me and makes things endearing. Sure there's things I'm uncertain about and I have some questions for him that I plan to ask on date #2. And as my best friend advices I'm taking things slow, which for me means avoid drinking and making out right away. The biggest thing I'm uncertain about is he's Iranian and was raised muslim. He says the only part of the religion he follows is not eating pork out of respect for his deceased parents (but his brothers and sisters do eat pork), which I didn't even know was a muslim thing. He's 5'11", he's pretty, a little hairier than I'm used to but that's nitpicky stuff, the real concerns are with background and expectations. Anyone know anything about Iran? I tried googling it and didn't find much out.
paddington bear Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 My lover/boyfriend (not totally convinced what we are now) is Muslim. Doesn't eat pork, prays 5 times per day, doesn't drink alcohol (I drink lots of alcohol am a lapsed Catholic and like sausages ). According to their religion men are allowed to take their child from its mother once the child is 12 years or over. Men are allowed to beat their wives. Men can marry Christian women but Muslim women are not allowed to marry Christian men. There are numerous stories from women who have dated Muslim guys who acted one way while dating them (treated them like a queen) but then became very religious suddenly when married and became the oppressor of their wives. So, just tread carefully, or rather, just be aware that that can and does happen a lot with western girl/Muslim marriages. I have had numerous warnings from concerned parties (people working in an embassy for example who have heard all sorts of bad tales) regarding this guy due to his religion. I'm not trying to offend any Muslim readers, but I think the religious and cultural differences can be a major stumbling block, but it depends how devout they are, how Westernised and so on. Much as I liked this guy I've been fretting somewhat about the vast cultural differences and how his treatment of me might change should we to become more serious. I think turning their back on their religion can be quite hard and guilt-ridden for them. It reminds me of old-school Catholicism in a lot of ways actually. If you think this guy might be only telling you what you need to hear - i.e. re the pork thing just keep a note of it for future reference, he might be presenting you with what you want to hear because he likes you and doesn't want to scare you off, or it could be the truth. It seems to be a facet of this religion that people go back to it when they are older with more vigour than before which is sometimes not to the benefit of the female half of the partnership. For what it's worth, I ended up sleeping with my guy on the first date (I assumed it would not turn into anything serious), drank a beer in front of him and well, basically tried to show him 'this is me, take it or leave it, I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not to fit in with your religious views'. And now he continues to tell me that he loves me, which has surprised me to be honest. I mean I did everything that you are not supposed to do on a first date and it's had the opposite effect on him. I thought for a time he thought I was some western slut who'd put out for anyone...but actually, I don't think he does, so maybe he's more enlightened than some western men in that sense. I wouldn't try to mould yourself into what you think he wants, but rather just be yourself (good advice for any relationship) otherwise when the 'real you' slips out further down the line it might cause problems between you. I kind of just went with the flow with this guy, got a good vibe off him, continue to do so, but my on-going worry was religious differences and what he might expect of me in the future. We, for the first time, discussed some stuff today regarding that and I feel a bit more at ease. So just go with your gut. If something feels off with this guy I'm with, then I'll do something, but nothing has yet, so just taking it day by day.
Enema Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Do you think god brings people into our lives for a reason? No. He's too busy letting millions of people die in natural disasters and poverty to play "Let's make a date" with self absorbed religiots.
and.then.some Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Yes, but not always for the reasons we want or expect.
aerogurl87 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 I don't know if it's God or the universe, but this year is turning out pretty awesome compared to the sucky one I endured last year. So far I've met this pretty hot guy who seems to have everything I want in a guy, I'm going back to school, and I'm supposed to be moving out of my house finally this spring! But maybe it's just karma. As to the Muslim thing, there are three different types of Muslims I've found. There are the non practicing ones like my best friend's brother whom I caught eating during Ramadan at school one day. There are the semi serious ones like my best friend who is Westernized in her views but still goes along with most Muslim traditions like fasting and only marrying another Muslim. Then there are the strict Muslims like this guy I work with, who pray 5 times a day, fast, only date other Muslims, and read the Koran in order to grow closer to Allah. Your guy sounds like my friend though, the semi serious type who keep some traditions but are pretty lax about doing everything by the book.
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