Comforably_Numb Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 My wife and I’ve been together for 29 years. The last few years have been turbulent and its increasingly getting worse. Though we came this far, we’ve had serious differences and have gradually grown apart. We are of different ethnic backgrounds, religion and upbringing. Our children are still in school/college and live with us. I cant handle her family and their lifestyle so I avoid every opportunity to miss family functions including Christmas. I know! I have no family, except to for the wife and kids. I have grown to love being alone. The children love their mom but have no respect for her and they respect me but don’t love me. They come to me for money or for problem solving only. Our dogs (the very intelligent Doberman’s) love her but have no respect for her so they take charge when I’m not around. Our dogs have more respect for our youngest child. In the recent past, conversation between us has totally ceased and there’s no intimacy etc but life goes on like nothing is wrong. We can never have a conversation without someone having an epileptic seizure. Quiet literally. I’ve taken the path of not saying a word even when asked a question. I’m comfortably numb. We have evolved into being two totally different people. We seem to have lost respect for each other, beyond recovery. We’ve not been for counseling and I’m not open to it at this point. My wife has earned a minimum wage for the last 25 years, has no goals and ambition to succeed. The only thing she reads are flyers, looking for sales. On the other hand, I juggle a seven figure mortgage and try to keep everything on solid ground. All she does is criticize anything I do or investigate what I did for the day/week and make comments on how I could have done better or did it wrong. I’ve been faithful to my wife. I spend every free minute at home running/operating my side business. I go out of the way to avoid all family functions because I can’t handle her relatives and their know-it-all mentality. I escape to our island retreat at every opportunity I get. I’ve begun to spend about 20% of my time alone at this location and she is confident I’m not the cheating kind so she has no issues me going away. I need a lot of quiet time to de-stress and energize to run my operation. Also, I’m addicted to knowledge so I read a lot which somehow translates into making more money. I’m thinking about creating an in-laws apartment so I can withdraw totally. I don’t want to abandon the kids while they are still in school. This way, I can be there and yet not be there. I don’t know what to do or how to solve the problem. Appreciate your input. I'm going to sit back and digest your views and suggestions.
angie2443 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 The children love their mom but have no respect for her and they respect me but don’t love me. They come to me for money or for problem solving only. Our dogs (the very intelligent Doberman’s) love her but have no respect for her so they take charge when I’m not around. Our dogs have more respect for our youngest child. . Could you define what you mean by respect and love in your situation? Could you give examples of how your children respect but don't love you and love but don't respect your wife? I think this might help understand some of your differances.
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 29 years is alot of history to throw away, all because you and your wife are afraid to actually talk, reconnect and get into marriage counselling. Don't think that your kids don't see what is going on around them! Anyway, not sure of your religious backgrounds, but I really hope you and your wife give things a chance.
Recommended Posts