broncosfrk83 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Ok well my ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago and she said she didnt love me anymore and that ever since the last time we broke up things hadnt been the same. What happened was i told her i needed a break to think, and while this break she kept nagging me to death and i was starting to get upset. My dad had sent me an email telling me to forget about her and to go out and find someone else. In this convo he said something about me needing a "good lay". I never said this. My ex had got onto my email and read the email, idk how she got the password. But now she says everytime we argue thats all she can think about. Its been almost a year now since that convo with my dad. So how do i make it up to her? Whats the best thing to do? Since she said shes not in love with me and that she doesnt think we will ever get back together do i just let it go? I want her back so bad and ive already told her im deeply sry for what was said and that i would spend all of my efforts into making it up to her. She made me soo happy. So i could really use some advice.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 Do i back off? Or do i ask her out to dinner and bring flowers and like a love note?
sunrae Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 My ex had got onto my email and read the email, idk how she got the password. But now she says everytime we argue thats all she can think about. Its been almost a year now since that convo with my dad. So how do i make it up to her? Whats the best thing to do? Since she said shes not in love with me and that she doesnt think we will ever get back together do i just let it go? I want her back so bad and ive already told her im deeply sry for what was said and that i would spend all of my efforts into making it up to her. She made me soo happy. So i could really use some advice. Ok, so she broke your truest, broke into your computer email acct with out your permission, took what your FATHER said out of context, and you want to her your sorry again... Sounds like to me she just wants to hold a grudge and have something to argue about... If someone truely wants to forgive the offender, they should only have to say they are sorry once.. Not to have to keep begging for forgiveness.. But what gets me is you did nothing wrong...
MySweetie'sGone Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Point blank...people are confused about relationships in this day and age. THey just dont have what it takes to make it work...and it's bc of what our society has become and made admissible. However, as a woman i understand how your father's comments could have hurt her...especially if you did not reply in her defense. we want our significant others families to like us and them not liking us can be detrimental to relationships. She has her defenses up now...but after two weeks, if she really loved you EVeR she couldnt have just stopped. You need to address what your dad said with your dad and then let her know. Women can be worn down more easily than men so if you really want her DO NOT back off (i personally would think you didnt care if you did). Fight for her. If she'll agree to go out with you in the first place--congrats that's step one.
Ronni_W Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 She does not love you. She hacked into your email account(!) She's been carrying a grudge against you for a year(!!)...over something that somebody else said(!!!)...that she found out about after she hacked into your email account(!!!!) Most importantly, she doesnot love you. What you'd be wisest doing here, is looking after your dignity and self-respect. Begging, pleading and groveling with "dinner, flowers and a love note" will not help you feel better about yourself or the situation. She does not love you. She has no desire to forgive you -- it's been a year and she hasn't done it yet. You can bet she won't be doing it now. I'm sorry. I know it hurts and it sucks. But for the long-term, maintaining strict 'no contact' is the best thing that you can do for yourself.
gaudi Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 I agree with Ronni-W. It's been a whole year. If she hasn't been able to let it go in that time then I also don't think that she will. Either that or she's kept bringing it up as a way of saying "remember this? you have to make this up to me". But it wasn't even you who said it. And if she managed to get into your e-mails then she KNOWS it wasn't you who said it. I know you want this girl back so much. That's the way I feel about my EX. Although little things that happened between me and my EX are telling me she's not the one for me. I have a feeling that this girl might not be the one for you my friend. Good Luck Chief.
and.then.some Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Could it possibly be more than that? Did she see an email to your dad in which you complained about her nagging you? Could it be that she was more bothered by your being annoyed than by your father's comments? Is it possible that there's more to this? I'm with everyone else in seeing the fact that she went through your email as a red flag. Either she has some general issues with security, or something was going on in the relationship that made her worried. You could try addressing the matter with your father (as was suggested by someone else), and then letting her know that you stood up for her. It might make her feel more secure if you're sure that you really do want this girl, and that this really is the only problem she has with getting back together again. Is it possible that this was only part of the problem? If it were only your father's comments and nothing more, then I would tell you not to waste your time. If something so small would come between the two of you, then I would say her heart wasn't really in it (anymore) anyway. When we truly love someone, we over look so many things... like the person going through our personal stuff, etc. If you believe it merely made her insecure, you could try to fix the situation in that way. But... the insecurity thing won't just vanish on it's own. That's going to require a lot of compromise and plenty of upkeep.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Thanks a lot guys for all the help. Yes we dated for 3 years and this happened a year ago. This wasnt the only time she had gone through my things. Ive got her going through my email, facebook, and phone numerous times. I just really miss her and want to be with her. She said she fell out of love with me and just said that the things that were said a year ago always come up in her mind and that things between us just havent been the same since then.
Ronni_W Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I just really miss her and want to be with her. Your missing her is something that you can control, and over which you will eventually gain (mental) control. Strict 'no contact' is crucial for that. Being with her is something over which you have no control. It's not going to happen. She doesn't want it. She does not love you anymore. It's really that you have to stop repeating to yourself, "I want to be with her. I really miss her. I want to be with her." You're programming sad feelings and self-defeating crap into your own heart and head. Start telling yourself the truth about the situation. Focus on the things that you DO have control over, and getting okay with the things that are not going to happen no matter what you tell yourself about them. It's difficult. But getting stuck with wanting the impossible is just going to make it more difficult on your Self, and you'll end up feeling like a victim of circumstances, too. I'd encourage you to not do that to you.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 So i guess that means asking her out and such is out of the question? lol.
gaudi Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 So i guess that means asking her out and such is out of the question? lol. Ooh that's a thought. I wonder why no-one suggested that earlier. But seriously, the stuff that Ronni W has said about getting your head straight is extremely important. And it's important that you start it early, because it can take longer than you think. I'm doing it (or trying to) at the moment. It's going to be a long hard road, but I'm getting further all the time.
MySweetie'sGone Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I think only you can understand your circumstances. Listen to everyone's advice...but ultimately you have to make your own decision. Ask yourself if any of the people giving you advice have reconciled with their loves...and then go from there.
patman1 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 You didn't even do anything wrong! and she still hasn't forgiven you? it shoud've been a done deal after a month at most. I wonder how it's going to be like when you actually do make a mistake! what really gets me is that people doesn't know what it truly means to forgive someone. Forgiving someone is the ability to let go of the resent and anger towards that person. You give up all rights to punish that person and never bringing up the past again. She still hasn't forgiven you and you shouldn't live your life like this.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 It just Sucks because u want her back so bad. It's not just because she's not mine either. She's leaving next Thursday and I want to call her so badly. I wish she would call me but I know she won't. I've never missed something so badly. I don't think I can change her mind but idk if I could live with myself for not trying.
Tayla Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Here is the key to true forgiveness: 1: Accept the responsibilty of how that action or words harmed the other person. Acknowledge it to them (empathy). 2: Verbally apologize (be sincere) 3: Then GO Into ACTION(redemption). This is the part folks 99% of the time forget to do. Either be more attentive the next time that happens to NOT behave that way or speak in that manner. Or ask they person what you can do to make up for the boo boo. The Words "Im sorry" are soo abused in this society, yet few understand it takes actions of change or adjustment to complete the cycle of forgiveness. I agree with the others, you didnt do anything wrong by needing space. If anyone deserves an apology , it's you. She crossed a line by snooping thru your stuff, and anything she gathered from that snooping only shows more guilt on her part and she needs to own up to it instead of holding you accountable for a relatives opinion.
patman1 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 I'm beginning to wonder, because I read so many forums beginning with the person trying to win their loved ones back only to find them become even more distant, that maybe you should focus on doing the opposite. I think that phrase if you let them go and they come back, that's how you know for sure it's yours should apply in your situation. You can't force a person to change how they feel. You just have to accept the truth (which in most cases, they're not gonna always be good) and live on. This is your life, so live it the way you should and deserve to live it. One chance in life, man.
madisonlayne Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Sounds like she's full of insecurities and has major trust issues to be going through your personal stuff. That's not something a person just snaps out of. It's a pattern that you can bet she'll probably do again if you did get back together. Perhaps your dad's email just enforces those feelings in her everytime she thinks about it and if it's not this then it will be something else down the line. When you wrote, " She said she's not in love with me and that she doesn't think we will ever get back together".. that speaks volumes to me. She is allowing those insecurities to over power her love for you. She needs to work on herself. That's something you can not change for her. In the meanwhile, you just need to let her have some space.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 Thanks for all the advice guys. The trust thing has been a big issue in our relationship. She has issues and I have some of my own due to relationships in the past (I have had 2 girlfriends leave me for best friends or cheat on me with best friends). It wasnt such a big thing on my part. I had no problem with her really. Theres defiently things that needed to be fixed with our relationship , but i just hate life without her. Its almost been a month and she is still all i can think about. Ever since she did find out all that stuff she had become to be distant. Especially in the past 6 or 7 months. I would have to ask her for a kiss or it was a constant struggle on my part to have sex and it would seem that even when we did she was only doing it to shut me up. I knew something was up but she has been going through a lot of depression due to family issues. So i never thought it was because she was falling out of love with me. Like ive stated before, i wish i could make her come back but i know i cant and i would much rather her come back on her own. If we did get back together i would want her to want me, want to kiss, want to make love, etc..I miss the first 2 years of our relationship when she would go insane without me, our love life use to be so amazing, but then she just went blank.
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