sweetbaby23 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 We were together for 4 years before breaking up. It ended when I felt lke he didn't love me anymore. i always felt like i was always last priority. especially after i tried so hard to make everything work and to be a good girlfriend. then one day when i saw that he didnt care anymore, i realized i deserved better. and we ended everything. i loved him so much. he was my first love and my first real boyfriend. i completely opened up to him and we spent 4 years of our lives together. even living together at some point. i loved him like there was no end, i really let myself go with him only to have my heart broken. 1 1/2 years after we broke up he tells me he realizes hes messed up. remind you that this is the first time hes ever apologized in 4 years. it always seemed like id get upset over everything and he would just make it seem like i was overreacting and i would end up apologizing to him. ... so he said he's sorry. and that he thinks about it every night why i dont call him. and is it because our relationship was so bad that i was able to just move on. i told him maybe its just right now he misses me. he probably just misses having someone. not me. and he said he thinks about it every night and knows that he misses me. and says people dont know him like i do. he says he realizes how lazy he was when he never offered to help while i made dinner. and how i made dinner every night for him and he only made me dinner once in the 4 years we were together. he said he should have done more. and says now he has more time because hes finished with college now. i loved him so much. and this is everything i wish he would have said to my a long time ago. i needed to know that he loved me and he never proved it to me. then he finally said all of this and its been what ive been waiting to hear for so long. but im scared... i feel like i was so strong. and i burried it so deep. just layer and layers. and im afraid. i loved him so much. i know how much i can love him and i know how much he can break my heart because iknow how much i would/could/want to give to him. but im so afraid. i dont want things to go back to how they were. i dont want him to pay attention to me for 8 dates and then go back to the way he was. unappreciating me and not loving me. but i know what we had was different and that i had never loved someone so much. i saw my whole life and future with him. should i give it another chance? or do u think i should spare myself and not bother? *
DenverBachelor Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 should i give it another chance? or do u think i should spare myself and not bother? * What do YOU want? You know him better than any of us here do. You know the relationship. You know yourself (right?) Clear your mind and then ask yourself that question. What is your first desire? A year and a half is a fairly significant amount of time if someone is determined to make changes during that time. Why don't you take it slow and go out on dates and keep it fun before diving into a "we are a duo" mentality.
RBA80 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 I think you should because I'll tell you why. I'm that guy. Not literally but I know how he feels. Wishing if he could only have one more chance to prove to you how much he loves you. Know that if he ever gets a second chance he will do things differently. Sure most people say just walk away and don't look back. Well how is he ever going to learn from the past if he can't show you that he's changed. Also over 1 1/2 years later and he's still thinking about you everyday. Some times we have a way of not showing people who we love how we really feel about them. It's weird. For some reason We don't or we keep thinking if I get a better job or make more money then I'll show her that I want to be with her and I can provide for her. Then It's too late. You think we don't care but really down in side we were just hoping and waiting to make a better life so we could provide for you. At least give it a chance and if he didn't learn then call it off. Everyone deserves a second chance. If he was a great friend in the past then he deserves a second chance. Good Luck. Not only for you but for him as well.
DenverBachelor Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Well how is he ever going to learn from the past if he can't show you that he's changed. We don't change for others, we change for ourselves -- and I have absolutely nothing to prove to any of my ex's.
Oh Moe Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 First point not everyone deserves a second chance in my opinion. I wanted a second chance more then anything in the world, I would have died for one. Then when my Dumper came back and cried, begged, said she couldn't live with out me and she was so unhappy without me. I didn't know it until that very moment I was so much better then her, she was still BSing me. I have broken up with women and I never treated any of them the way she treated me. She was rude and disrespectful and used me. So 5 months ago I would have agreed but now no! As far as changing, I've done much soul searching and thinking on this one also.(My ex was always changing, yea from one lay to the next, now she's changed to a low life. I will tweak myself some to make me better but I will not CHANGE for anyone. I've been like this my entire life why would I change now. If some one doesn't like the way I've lived my life don't like me then
Author sweetbaby23 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 I guess im really confused cuz im also dating someone new. they both have thier positives and negatives. but my ex is the one i saw my whole life with. but i feel like the new guy did things my ex never did. my new bf wakes up in the middle of the night to find my inhaler for me when i have an asthma attack. he cooks dinner for me everytime i come over to his place. he focuses his attention on me and tells me how much he cares about me. his downfall is that... as shallow as it sounds... he doesn't have much financially and i feel like im always paying and its just financially draining on me. and he has no educational backround and an okay job. my ex has big dreams and goals. of course less time because he focuses his time and attention there. but hes the one i pictured my whole life with. we have fun together and theres just more sparks there. we have more sparks, but he doesn't do the attentive things like my new bf. but i dont love my new bf like i did my exbf who was my first love. but i also know i was having doubts about my new bf before talking to my ex. and maybe this was something to help push it along a little bit. but my new bf is a really awesome guy and i dont wanna hurt him. and i dont want to let him go exactly yet, i want to give him a chance. what if things can change between us? but again im confused with my ex. i know i really wanted him, but are we still going to argue about the deep rooted problems we've always had. will he go back to being lazy and not helping? not showing me any attention and taking me for granted again? should i even allow him back in my life? i felt like i wasnt good enough them... so why now? oh gosh i dont know.... and if i decide i do want to pursue things with my ex... how do i break up with my new bf? what do i tell him? should i tell him? should i even break up with him? should i pursue my ex and see but keep the new bf just in case? i know its messed up and ive never ever cheated. but im so confused....
Soul Bear Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Is It worth it to try again after 1.5 years? What you should be asking yourself is are the 1.5 years of progress, worth putting at risk for what has a high chance of being one giant step backwards....
XKatieX Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 (edited) I hate to say it, but if you're asking US if its worth it, then it probably isn't. That is only a question you can answer. Anyone on here can say no it isn't worth it or yes it is worth it, but no one here truly knows your relationship better than you do. In my honest opinion I dont think its right to be with someone that you know you don't love as much as someone else, its basically leading them on. You should talk to your new boyfriend, tell him that your confused right now, and you just need some time to think. One question you should ask yourself: Who made you happier? as I said if your new boyfriend treats you well thats great..but does he truly make you happy? Edited January 16, 2010 by XKatieX
DenverBachelor Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Is It worth it to try again after 1.5 years? What you should be asking yourself is are the 1.5 years of progress, worth putting at risk for what has a high chance of being one giant step backwards.... I have to respectfully disagree here. It isn't like attempting to reconcile after a month. We're talking 500 days of personal growth between two people and a lot can happen. They'll both probably approach it as a new relationship and start from scratch in many ways. What's the difference between a second go-around when enough time has passed and having it fail vs. getting into a new relationship and having it fail? The real question should be -- is she happy with herself and is he happy with himself and are they looking to compliment their happiness or supplement a lack of happiness?
thepulse27 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) I have to agree with DB on this. It's been 1 1/2 years, and it sounds like you've done everything right: moved on, been dedicated to living your life, and started dating and having healthy relationships again (whether good or bad). But after all this time and all of that you still love him? As for him, to humble yourself again before someone after a year and a half of independance doesn't say pleading or selfish to me; it says he thinks he's ready to do the right thing. Note that so far all he has done is talk, never let yourself be convinced by words, but after hearing them let yourself give him a chance to back up his words with actions. If he really acts the way he talks then, with all the feeling you have for him, I think you should give him another chance. Remember, you walked away from real love because he wasn't any of these things, do you want to block him out now that there's a chance he is? Trusting someone with your heart is a risk, every time. But it sounds to me like you have enough feelings for this man to make it a risk worth taking. As for the current boyfriend, it sounds like you have a good thing together, but you're not in love. So he'll be upset when you break it off, but you won't ruin his life. Just tell him face to face how you feel about him, and that you want to end it. I would avoid mentioning your ex, as no one likes to think you left them for someone else. Edited January 17, 2010 by thepulse27
ralph1319 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 well ive been away from my wife for almost a year.there hasnt been one day i have not thought of her.So maybe when he says he has thought of you for so long he isnt lieing.I would just take it very very very slow. dates talk do not jump into a sexual relationship right away.if he cares for how you feel he would wait for that and not rush you.get to know him like it was the first time you both have met. over 1 1/2 year apart is a long time people change.. i just hope one day my ex wakes up and wants to work it out aswell.. so good luck.. let us know how things are going..
Author sweetbaby23 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 thanks so much. i think i will take it slow. very slow.
Author sweetbaby23 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 what if... i waited until valentines day... and sent him one of those message in a bottle things to his house... with a note that says happy valentines day. your secret admirer. annd hope he knows it me?
USMCHokie Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 what if... i waited until valentines day... and sent him one of those message in a bottle things to his house... with a note that says happy valentines day. your secret admirer. annd hope he knows it me? Heheh, this almost made me puke a little in my mouth... I'm just kidding...but seriously though...I don't know about that...
sugarmomma Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 Just let him know that you're in a r right now and if it doesn't work out and he's available at a later time you can go slow and see what happens. Actiona speak louder than words and it will take a long time to see a consistent change in him (6-9 months or more). I wouldn't just dump a good guy since the x may not have changed. If that happens you'll regret hurting your boyfriend and not giving this r a fair chance. Whatever you do go really,, really really slow.
Author sweetbaby23 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 My ex asked me to send him a pix of my dog when I talked to him Thursday. I sent it Saturday and tried calling him yesterday once n the morning and once at night. He never answered so I text him n just said for him to giv me a call. And I know it's only been a day but I think I want to try to pursue things. He thinks I've said no to hanging out together cuz I said I have a bf. But now I wanna see him.... I wanna send him a text again... But I feel like I shouldn't be so pushy. So should i or shouldn't I?
kristinabopp Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 i know someone who waited for 2years for her ex to come back. and he did came back. now theyre so happy. why dont you give him a chance. if my ex will text me like that i will be soooooooooo happy!! ive been in nc for almost 3-4weeks. and i havent heard from him since... im just holding on for now. i just really wish for him to comeback. weve been dating for 1 year and 2 months and we lived together too.
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted January 21, 2010 Posted January 21, 2010 damn....i hope dis is me in 1.5 years lol not the ex part though. i dont want him to hurt me no more but the new bf part lol
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