Mutual friend backslide, sort of broken NC plus (hopefully) interesting things long!

[2squared]

Okay I do admit I sort of embelished in the title to make it seem glamerous and interesting.. Well not really, just had to break the ice somehow as I'm quite good at rambling while still wanting people to stay to the end and reply.

 

Anyway my situation is this. I've been broken up for around 3.7 months, had complete no contact for 10 and a half weeks (2.4 months ) when a few days ago I got a completely unexpected parcel in the mail. Well unexpected since I had not talked for what felt like so long. It was full of books I like and bookmarks which I collect, which while not surprising since they run a second hand book store was still a thoughtful gesture. Of course it still hurts since they left me for someone else and I still have too many feelings for friendship but I decided to still send a thankyou note(email)

 

It was just a few paragraphs long. I do admit I included a few personal changes I've made and other good things in my life since I have grown a lot since no contact. Just a couple of sentences of that and some of the books I noticed were really thoughtful and that was it. I planned to go back no contact straightaway and continue my healing.

 

I should of expected it but they replied in a heartfelt email. About how she was joyous at their new relationship at first and didn't see the pain they caused me. How after a while of NC they realised what they had lost and were racked with guilt. How they missed me. How they wanted to ask for forgiveness but didn't feel they could. That they didn't know if they'd ever be able to forgive themselves. They wrote it in a poetic story form and I don't think they were just fishing for shallow forgiveness to make themselves feel better (to pre-empt comments but you may disagree if you will). Anyway if they were lying about it then anything derived from a lie is false so either way I win. (not really but hey ) So I replied with the one line I forgive you and archived the email so I wouldn't be tempted to reread it over and over with NC. I truely felt it at the time as while they hurt me and while I don't accept what she did forgiveness for her, not the actions is something for me and it felt right to do so.

 

Anyways I did that and felt better than I had done for quite a long time. Of course it wasn't to last and ended after about 3 days. It was an event that stopped it. Not a big event nor glamorous. Just a mutual friend getting in contact.

 

The mutual friend has and does talk to me a lot about the breakup and helped me through some tough times. They hadn't talked to my ex since the breakup because they felt weird about this. I said I didn't mind them talking or being friends as long as nothing personal was shared.

 

The mutual friend contacted the ex on facebook to thank them for the books they sent as they saw it as a reconciliatory act to make up for the hurt. The ex replied to them with similar things, as they sent to me, in a less poetic form. Unfortunately the mutual friend offered to send them to me so I'd understand as I was curious. I said I couldn't lie, that I'm curious but it'd be best not to. But they'd already sent them by then. It was only two short emails but I admit I opened the forward despite knowing it would probably hurt more than help. As it did.

 

It was basically about how it was all their fault. How they'd do differently if they could to prevent me getting hurt. How some woman will be incredibly lucky in their future to have me and how she wishes it could have been her. Of course also saying the relationship was wrong for her before saying that in the same email. Nothing about the other person, but she did tell me in the email I received how they're still talking to them and planning to spend the rest of their lives together. (not new as they posted that 4 days after telling me)

 

Phew now I've typed my fingers off I should start concluding. I don't have any definite questions. I know I've got a lot of healing still left to do and reading the email has set me back somewhat at least for today. Lesson learned. I'm mainly just probably looking for moral support. I've been reading this and another forum for months and it's been a bunny send :bunny::bunny: (just had to do that once)

 

If you've got any suggestions on my situation it would be much appreciated. I'm sure I will bounce back along the road of recovery soon enough but for tonight at least I'm back a bit. I would ask about her feelings but I've pretty much surmised it doesn't matter unless her actions match her words. I've asked my mutual friend to not tell me anything more about the ex so you don't need to suggest that.

 

Thanks again shack dwellers. Adiós all or whatever reverse greeting is most suited